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To not want a full time job?

(14 Posts)
ReindeerBollocks Sat 24-Sep-11 21:36:22

Long story, DH has been sacked this week. He has a good wage and supported us as I am a SAHM for DCs but also because DS has serious medical issues which require a lot of care.

I gave up work about three years ago when DS was needing a lot of treatment. We have talked about me going back to work recently, part time, as DS has drastically improved and we have childcare in place for DD.

However, two events have occurred this week, one of them being DHs sacking, and the second was a routine hospital appointment for DS showing up some not great stuff, meaning he is not as healthy as we thought he was. The work I put in with DS is a lot, but it had reduced over the last few months, however in light of the recent appointment I'm back to quite a heavy work load DS wise.

DH has decided to start up a business, meaning that I will have to get a full time job. Had DS's appointment gone well, I think I would be much more comfortable in this decision. But it didn't go well. I need to support the family financially but I really need to be at home for my son.

DH is not DS's dad and although as a family unit we are close DH doesn't know what is fully involved in DS's care plus I have had to be trained by the hospital for some of the treatments so I can't just hand them over to DH.

Am I BU to tell DH I don't want a full time job?

(I really feel trapped between a rock and a hard place so please be kind)

twowheels Sat 24-Sep-11 21:40:17

yes, you're right. FT job would be way too much.

I have DC with health problems too and am just about able to work part time, only as it is very flexible and low hours. But really wish I could stop altogether - just so very, very stressful living with long term health conditions of DC and then juggling work too.

YouDoTheMath Sat 24-Sep-11 21:46:49

Could you do full-time temping until DH's business takes off? That way you're not committed to any one employer.

Otherwise, the only alternative is to get DH trained to deal with your DS.

donthateme Sat 24-Sep-11 21:46:51

Could your dh get trained for the medical procedures? It would make sense for him to be trained anyway, for peace of mind, for occasions when you might not be available. It sounds as though you would feel far more reassured if the medical side was covered. I don't think the fact your dh is non your ds father matters. You're a family unit so you need to pull together in whatever way is best for your family at any particular time. As your dh has lost his job it sounds like the best thing for all the family is to get some money coming in while your dh gets his business up and running

larks35 Sat 24-Sep-11 21:49:01

yanbu at all, would you have to be ft to survive financially or would it just help? Perhaps you will need to budget and work out ways in which you can cut outgoings but it really sounds as if you working ft would be too much for you and your DS.

MatLeaveForever Sat 24-Sep-11 21:50:34

Was your DH sacked (ie was his fault) or made redundant? Perhaps if he was actually sacked then he should think about finding another full time job instead of starting a business which requires you to work full time. Know finding suitable jobs can't be easy but I can understand you wanting to be with your son rather than go to work at this time.

Sillyoldelf Sat 24-Sep-11 21:50:58

You are not being unreasonable. Nothing is as important as your Childrens health and your health . You need to keep healthy to look after DS . Working full time is enough for any mother , let alone a mother who has additional responsibilities.

Bramshott Sat 24-Sep-11 21:55:43

If you are struggling as a family with DS's health issues and you not currently working, is now the best time for your DH to be starting his own business?

FabbyChic Sat 24-Sep-11 22:03:16

I'd tell him that for the time being he has to work full time and put his business ideas on the back burner. The care of your child comes first and must take precedence as opposed to a business idea he has that may or may not make money.

If he does not take your side, I'd off him and go on full benefits and get the support you truly deserve.

I hope you are getting DLA and carers allowance for your son to which you would be rightly entitled.

ReindeerBollocks Sat 24-Sep-11 22:19:40

It's a bit complicated with DHs job, he will be too qualified to get a job easily, but he could make very good money from his business, which would mean the burden will ease when it takes off.

He was sacked/left but not necessarily voluntarily (can't say too much).

I do get CA and highest rate DLA, for DS as the care can be quite heavy going. But they won't just allow DH to train up as it took me a year to get trained up (going along with current hospital procedures), however I may speak to our community nursing team to see if they could help.

I just feel bad as DH has supported us, and he should do the business opportunity, but it would just mean a lot of pressure on me to get the majority done with DS and I think I just need to take the pressure for the next few months.

<I just am dreading it and am hoping DS improves>

donthateme Sat 24-Sep-11 22:28:44

Whatever the decision about work, it seems more imperative for your dh to get trained up to deal with the medical procedures if the training takes a year. Start it now so that you're both able to share it. After all, if you were incapacitated for any reason you'd want to know your ds is being looked after by someone known to him- I presume the alternative would be medical staff. If your dh starts getting trained now, a lot can happen in a year.

Inertia Sat 24-Sep-11 22:37:39

I think you need to sit down with DH and work out how many hours each of you has available- does your DS's medical care follow a predictable routine, or do you have to be constantly available for an emergency? It might be very very difficult for you to get or hold down a job that you are absent from for several hours a day/week in order to provide medical care.

Realistically if DH is trying to get a business off the ground, he is not going to be around much to offer the support you and your son would need to support you doing a full time job. Would you be eligible for benefits/tax credits until DH's business makes money? Could he work part time at his business and part time at another job? Could you work evenings?

FabbyChic Sat 24-Sep-11 22:40:52

When you apply for jobs and you are over qualified you drop some of the qualifications off. You tailor your CV to match the job thats the way it works.

This is not really a what should I do is it?

Your son takes priority, money is really not worth your son getting less specialised care.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 26-Sep-11 21:31:37

This thread made me realise I needed to review the options. I am going to get a part time role while DH is going to concentrate on his business but if we are still tight then he will get an evening job/ weekend job.

DH has also agreed to take on some of DS's care, which will be a massive help, he won't do the really complex bit, but there is still stuff he could learn (PEG feeds, physio etc) so that it will ease the burden on me and the job I (hopefully) get in the near future.

Everyone's responses helped me think this over and really encouraged us to talk about how the situation will work practically, so thanks.

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