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to be shocked and sad - should I say something? What?

(60 Posts)
throwawayforthisone Sat 24-Sep-11 19:56:05

We line up outside DS's nursery every day. The kids get their names out of a fabric thing with pockets for each letter (A B C etc), so all the A names are in A etc. The letters are lowercase.

One of his classmates, who has an older sibling in DS2's class, was looking for her name which begins with D. She reached towards D and her mum said "no, that's b". Older brother said "no mum that is d", and mum said "no it's b". Older brother pulled out the name and mum clearly recognised it and said "it's in the wrong place, what was that doing in b".

Now, she can clearly read as she recognised the name when she saw it and if she was illiterate she wouldn't've been so sure she was right, I think, in thinking the letter was wrong. But if she's (my guess), severely dyslexic or similar and KNOWS about it then she equally wouldn't've corrected her children (she'd know she got letters mixed up sometimes?), and might have been taught letter order at least, so she knew d was the 4th letter of the alphabet?

(DH is dyslexic and was taught similar strategies).

I felt like I wanted to say something, especially as her children were confused. But what and how not to sound condescending?

I can't believe that someone could've gotten to her mid-30s not knowing she has an issue with letters. Her older child (DS2's classmate), also has a name which she pronounces very differently to how it's spelt - with an o sound and it's spelt with an a - and I'm wondering if there was a mistake made there too, like (not the real name obviously), she meant to call him Jon and he's down as Jan by accident.

NO idea what to do. Don't want to upset her. Don't want her to be missing out on help she might need.

allhailtheaubergine Sat 24-Sep-11 20:02:16

How old are the children?

Was she doing that thing of deliberately getting things wrong so the children correct her? Like when I say to my 3yo "I like your orange shorts!" and he takes great delight in saying "they're not orange Mummy, they're BLUE!!" and we laugh because he knows I'm just being silly.

wellwisher Sat 24-Sep-11 20:03:05

I wouldn't say anything - she's survived this long, and it doesn't sound like you know her that well. It is odd though confused

wellwisher Sat 24-Sep-11 20:03:45

Maybe she's short-sighted?

throwawayforthisone Sat 24-Sep-11 20:05:34

No she wasn't doing that, she seemed annoyed that the name was in the 'wrong' letter and said something like "they've put it in the wrong place", and she didn't respond to the child (4), who corrected her in a positive way. The littler one is 3.

Also the look on the 4-year-old's face - it was sort of resignation. I might be reading too much into it. But the way he said "no mum that is d" and she said "no it's b" - it wasn't like it was a learning experience or for fun, at all.

throwawayforthisone Sat 24-Sep-11 20:07:01

If she was short sighted she'd still know it goes A B C D though? She was insisting that it was A D C B if you see what I mean.

And yeah she's survived this long but I know what a difference the help DH accessed made to his life. I'd hate someone to miss out on something that could enrich their lives.

troisgarcons Sat 24-Sep-11 20:07:32

Dyslexia doesnt equate to illiteracy and you are being totally utterly unreasonably to assume the mother is.

I can't believe that someone could've gotten to her mid-30s not knowing she has an issue with letters.

NO idea what to do. Don't want to upset her. Don't want her to be missing out on help she might need.

Her older child (DS2's classmate), also has a name which she pronounces very differently to how it's spelt - with an o sound and it's spelt with an a - and I'm wondering if there was a mistake made there too, like (not the real name obviously), she meant to call him Jon and he's down as Jan by accident

Pretentious little thing arent you?.

throwawayforthisone Sat 24-Sep-11 20:09:54

I don't think I'm being pretentious, certainly not on purpose. I was careful to point out that she's clearly not illiterate. And I don't understand how someone can go through school, the workforce etc and not realise that the way they see letters isn't the same as others do. DH had to develop lots of coping strategies.

I will put my hands up to being privileged, clearly, that I find the above shocking. I don't think being mean to me is terribly constructive though, if you want me to be checking my privilege.

iamaLeafontheWind Sat 24-Sep-11 20:14:42

A name like troisgarcons is calling someone else pretentious! Ha.

Op YANBU

RattusRattus Sat 24-Sep-11 20:20:10

Unless you're her employer I wouldn't give it another thought. Her reading ability is none of your business.

MrsBlarney Sat 24-Sep-11 20:21:02

What a weird post, TroisGarcons.

OP I understand where you are with this.

I'm not sure what you can do. I suppose you could speak to the people who work there, quietly, and say you are worried she has problems with the letters, the children may be confused by this, and you didn't know whether to mention it or not. And say you might be wrong because it was just one incident. And you want to help but don't know how.

Good luck.

MrsBlarney Sat 24-Sep-11 20:22:14

Saying that it isn't your business - and wouldn't be mine. It would bother me though.

I'm just not entirely sure it's possible for anyone to do anything, or indeed if it IS necessary - the 4yo seems to cope alright with their letters after all.

RitaMorgan Sat 24-Sep-11 20:25:14

I think while it's sweet of you to be concerned, unless you are a good friend of hers then it isn't your place to do or say anything.

I'm sure that by now, someone in her family/friends/the school her children go to etc will have picked up on their being a problem (if there is one).

troisgarcons Sat 24-Sep-11 20:26:00

I think its awfully rude to call someone illiterate.

Troisgarcons is pretentious?? Slap my self silly! oh I forgot, should I slum down to "cuntlugs" to fit in with the rank and file late night posters!

dribbleface Sat 24-Sep-11 20:30:03

Maybe she was embarassed that someone overheard and tried to cover up? My DH is severely dislexic and might make a simiar error, especially with lower case letters.

larks35 Sat 24-Sep-11 20:31:52

I think that the fact that the 4yo and 3yo understand the difference between their Bs and Ds means that their mum probably does too. Maybe she was having a dizzy morning (hangover, forgotten glasses, headache, whatever). I can understand you thinking its a bit weird but I really don't think you need to worry or feel you should say something.

lisad123 Sat 24-Sep-11 20:37:26

I know plently of people who get though life not being able to read or spell. Its more common than you know.
Personally I wouldnt say a word

pigletmania Sat 24-Sep-11 20:40:27

Leave the poor woman alone. Mabey she was having a bad day, or her sight was bad. never mind, its not really your buisness.

throwawayforthisone Sat 24-Sep-11 20:40:59

Yeah I think I'm white-knighting. I'm in a 'helping profession' and hate the idea of someone struggling when they needn't be. But yeah none of my beeswax.

throwawayforthisone Sat 24-Sep-11 20:41:44

No need to be rude though! Seriously, it's not like I was wondering if I should call SS or something. Just don't want someone to struggle if they don't have to.

LilQueenie Sat 24-Sep-11 20:43:19

m pretty sure jan is a form or john in danish or similar.

pigletmania Sat 24-Sep-11 20:44:14

Its a delicate subject, and unless you know the person well, than there is not much you can do. My spelling and punctuation is bad, but thank god for Word for windows for correcting it.

thefirstMrsDeVere Sat 24-Sep-11 20:50:35

Sounds to me like she made a mistake and then didnt want to admit it to the children.

Sometimes, some people do this. The dont want to be in the wrong infront of their children.

I dont really understand why you are so concerned.

I am honestly not being snarky - I just dont get why this worries you quite so much.

frutilla Sat 24-Sep-11 20:51:44

Maybe she had a hangover...

Soups Sat 24-Sep-11 22:58:23

Well, YABU to be shocked and sad. Interested and nosey, then YANBU ;) I'd have noticed and filed it away under Interesting. Of course you shouldn't have said anything, any utterances on the subject would have sounded condescending. Unless you're great friends and you notice there is an ongoing problem.

She may have had a stressy morning, not really been thinking, made a simple mistake. She may have not been feeling well. I've lost count of the times I've made a mistake about something silly and my children have corrected me, I tell them they're wrong, several minutes later the light bulb goes on and I realize. I am dyslexic but the same happens to my husband. He's busy, thinking of 10 other things, not really concentrating on that one little thing. Kids standing there, rolling their eyes "but DAaaaad".

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