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To ask DH to cook dinner when he comes home from work?

(86 Posts)
LoveMyGirls Fri 23-Sep-11 19:24:25

I'll try to make this brief.

Dh work full time leaving the house at 8.15am and takes dd1 to school on the way he returns home at 5.50pm. He is very capable of doing all house related stuff but cooking is not his strong point, he panics a bit and can really only do one plate of food at a time.

I work full time doing 50hours per week as a childminder, I'm also starting to set up as an artist too so I can hopefully make a living out of it when my dd's are at secondary school/ college, I'm also doing my NVQ 3 in childcare so if the art doesn't pan out I have a qualification to fall back on.

I cook dinner for 5/6 dc's for 5pm, all children are collected by 6pm. This is when I start round 2 of cooking dinner for DH & I. Sometimes I can make enough to put it by for us to eat when everyone has gone but sometimes this isn't possible.

So AIBU to ask DH to cook on the days I haven't managed to put something to one side?

moondog Fri 23-Sep-11 19:25:28

I'd just make sure you do in fact have enough to put aside.
That can't be hard.

worraliberty Fri 23-Sep-11 19:26:56

YABU because cooking dinner for your charges is part of your working day.

It's fair enough to share the cooking but not because you've had to do some as part of your job.

Groovee Fri 23-Sep-11 19:27:05

I think if you're cooking for mindee's and your children that you just do 2 extra portions.

I know 2 people who actually wait on their dh's getting home at 7pm to cook for the whole family.

LoveMyGirls Fri 23-Sep-11 19:28:29

Lol MD I do love your simplistic look at life.

Say for eg I make pasta with tuna, sweetcorn, cheese and mayonaise for the dc's as they really love it and its cheap and quick but DH and I do not like it, should we eat it anyway even though by the time they have all gone it's cold and we don't like it anyway?

Flisspaps Fri 23-Sep-11 19:29:04

To be honest, a grown adult should be able to make a meal for two without panicking. If something happened to you which meant you weren't there/able to cook, he'd have to manage to cook for himself and your DDs (and perhaps you as well). Following a basic recipe isn't hard.

Until he gets a basic repertoire of family meals together, invest in a slow cooker.

belgo Fri 23-Sep-11 19:29:12

No of course YANBU. You have both been working all day, you should share the cooking.

If cooking panics him, then he really needs to practise more.

Greensleeves Fri 23-Sep-11 19:29:59

You're both working long hours, so you should share the family cooking. Whichever of you is less busy/knackered should do it. That's the deal in our house.

Bogeyface Fri 23-Sep-11 19:32:06

I dont thinks it U at all! She is working a 50 hour week and is only asking him to cook dinner a couple of times. If she has done say pizza and wedges for the children, she can hardly put that to one side for later can she?

It cant be that hard
Try working for 50 hours a week surrounded by children and tell me then that you dont think its hard. I do that with my own children and sometimes we end up with a chippy dinner because I simply ran out of time or some disaster befell. You cant get away with that with mindees.

And the reason he cant get his head around cooking is because he has never had to cook for a family, so its high time he started! He will have to pull he weight when the OP is no longer childminding, so he is better off starting now when she is around to give him a hand until he gets better at it.

LoveMyGirls Fri 23-Sep-11 19:32:28

We have a slow cooker (everyone should have one they are a god send)

Maybe I should have named this thread what can I cook for 8 people that 2 people can eat later that doesn't contain pork.

Suggestions gratefully received grin

LoveMyGirls Fri 23-Sep-11 19:36:13

Thank you Bogeyface, today a disaster did befall us, dd2 landed awkwardly on the trampoline so dinner was aborted while we went to get her checked over, 2 mindee's went home to be fed and the other 3 dc's (2 were mine) had spagetti on toast and I had 2 toasted bagels because -- that's-- -- all-- i could be arsed with after dealing with an emergency and DH hasn't eaten yet because he had KFC at lunch time and isn't hungry yet. (dd2 is fine just a little bruised)

cricketballs Fri 23-Sep-11 19:36:52

no matter how many hours a week I work (sometimes far more than dh) I would never ask him to cook - he burns a tin of beans! When it has come down to dh cooking - I buy ready meals for dc (I know; flame me grin) and get a takeaway for us!

seasidesister Fri 23-Sep-11 19:41:12

He needs to learn to cook and do his share. Even if its egg and chips to start with. He is a grown man, he can learn.

harassedandherbug Fri 23-Sep-11 19:42:05

YANBU - I work part time, dh works full time and he does more than his share of cooking.

I'd utilise the slow cooker more. My kids all loved/love spag bol, or how about casserole with dumplings or nice thick soups with nice bread?

I still think your dh should learn a few meals......

GracieFavour Fri 23-Sep-11 19:42:48

on the days you do stuff you dont like, shove a jacket potato in oven

quick and simple

CrackerFactory Fri 23-Sep-11 19:44:22

As seasidesister says and the poster who says what if something happened to you. Cooking is a basic skill and your dh needs to know how to cook for his family. YADNBU and you deserve a break from cooking!

lukewarmmama Fri 23-Sep-11 19:52:14

YANBU but break him in slowly - eg beans on toast, jacket potato, a soup and nice crusty bread and nibbles etc.

Then when he's got into the habit of having to do it on a few nights of the week, you can start upping the ante to some proper cooking.

lostinafrica Fri 23-Sep-11 19:57:55

He can break himself in slowly - he's an adult and can decide by himself what he's happiest making!

Maybe give him some advance warning, though, like a sit-down chat (over dinner?!) to talk about "how we can best share the cooking."

LoveMyGirls Fri 23-Sep-11 19:58:23

Here is what happened this week -

Monday - shepherds pie (I prepared it in the day) put it in slow cooker, peeled potatoes and left in a pan with cold water and heated it up later.

Tuesday - Chicken fajitas, I cooked plain chicken for dcs and then cooked spiced ones for us later.

Wednesday - kids had pasta etc and I threw a couple of jacket pots in for us to have with salad.

Thursday - Kids had fishfingers, smiley faces, carrot mini waffles and sliced green beans - I cooked us the same dinner an hour later because it was coming to the end of the week and I was lacking imagination and also if I'm honest I do like fishfingers grin

Today - see above post. Think looking back really it was ok really, perhaps it's because it's friday and I'm shattered.

Sod it now it's Friday I'm gonna have a vodka and try not to sweat the small stuff. will ask dh to cook at the weekends

troisgarcons Fri 23-Sep-11 20:14:03

Well I'll be slated, I usually am for being quite traditional.

We both work.

I get up at 5.30/6am - this because I like some quiet time to me and I'm naturally an early bird. I check my emails, I make all the packed lunches, I clean the kitchen

Hubs gets up at about 6.45, he rouses the children (ok for that you can read the endless screaming up the stairs, threats of icy water) because that does my head in!

We both leave @ 7.30am.... I drop the children off. He sits in a traffic jam for an hour. He likes traffic jams coz he can chill!!

I'm at work at 7.50, he's at work at 8.30. I get an hour for lunch, he gets half hour if he's lucky. I get a coffee break, He doesnt.

I leave work at 4pm. He leaves at 5.30. I generally shove the hoover round, dishwasher, shove a load of washing on, then go and pick up the little one at 6. I get in at 6.30 - he gets in at 7.30/8.30 depending on traffic. I then cook for the children. There will be a whizz into the supermarket somewhere there as well.

As much as it pisses me off doing the rushing round, I get the easier deal. I certainly dont expect hubs to start cooking etc after he's done a 12-13 hour day. And I wouldnt expect anyone to eat a meal that was cooked 2 hours earlier and then microwaved.

HOWEVER! When he works from home - the house is pristine - I cant always say there is a meal on the go unless I've left instruction BUT between him and Middle Son - the cooking is always done by them at the weekend unless I'm batch cooking or baking.

TBH it's not rocket science to have a slow cooker OR grill a couple of chops and open the salad bag - neither are labour intensive meals. Going back a few years when bath time was supervised, it depended who wanted to be wet, and who wanted to prod a bit of lamb or chicken occassionally.

Your best friend? slow cooker, salad bag, steamer. All of the above require absolutely no supervision, just dishing up - then you cn debate who fills the dishwasher!

moondog Fri 23-Sep-11 20:14:24

Just bloody well cook somewthing that everyone will eat.
FGS, how hard can it be

<administers boot up LMG's arse>

Squitten Fri 23-Sep-11 20:17:08

I used to be a panicked cook. DH, who is a brilliant cook, used to do 99% of our cooking despite me being a SAHM. In the end I realised it was stupid that I didn't know how to do such a basic thing and I forced myself. DH taught me some basic stuff - spaghetti bol, stir-fry, etc, and with the help of some jar sauces I'm getting much better - and enjoying it!

You should teach him some easy dishes, buy him Jamie's Ministry of Food, and let him try. Working or not, he should learn. As Sophie Grigson says in her book, the worst that can happen is you order pizza!

Laquitar Fri 23-Sep-11 20:20:01

YANBU. but he doesn't have to cook every night.

Something like this? :

Mon: left over sunday's roast or spanish omellete.

Tue: Give kids pasta and make extra sauce. When he comes he just boils some pasta and makes a salad

Wend: he puts 2 fish fillets in the oven and some baby potatoes and broccoli/spinach in the steamer.

Thu: A stir fry, or steak/chips/peas or chops or 2 chicken fillets with pesto and veg, cous cous.

Fri: curry or lasagne from the freezer

So he only cooks 2 evenings (if you call this cooking)

Every second weekend make together some curries for the freezer.

EightiesChick Fri 23-Sep-11 20:21:25

YANBU but with 3 conditions:
1) Tell him in advance - that way he is prepared, rather than coming in and being told he has to cook, and possibly panicking as a result. So plan which nights are going to be his - I would suggest 2 to start.
2) Let him start with easy things - jacket spuds and cheese, burgers on the grill, pizza to put in the oevn - to build up confidence.
3) Praise whatever he cooks to begin with unless it is completely inedible or poisonous. 'Honest feedback' grin can come later.

lostinafrica Fri 23-Sep-11 20:24:49

Looking through what you did this week, you could make more? eg the shepherd's pie - make it for 6 and bung 4 portions in the freezer for another time.

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