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AIBU?

to have sent DS (8) to bed with no dinner?

58 replies

wannaBe · 23/09/2011 19:07

DH suggested we should go out to eat tonight. As we went out the door DS asked where we were going and dh made a suggestion but it wasn't set in stone. DS said he wanted to go to a different restaurant (which we've been to before) and we said no, we've been there already, we're new to the area, nice to go somewhere else for a change.

Ds then storms off down the road, no looking back, sulky posture etc. At the road we stop and he is virtually in tears so dh asks what's wrong (we knew what the answer would be.) Ds then bursts into teas and says that he didn't want to go elsewhere, he wanted to go to x restaurant. We said no and he persisted. So I turned around and we went home. He cried all the way down the road (he is eight fgs not a toddler). There was no reasoning with him - he was having none of it.

So I have sent him to bed with the explanation that if he'd had an actual discussion rather than having a strop because he didn't get his own way, then we would have been having dinner somewhere now.

I don't use food as a punishment - by his attitude he has IMO made the choice for himself to go without dinner.

OP posts:

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Flisspaps · 23/09/2011 19:09

YANBU, but it might be worth putting a banana or a sandwich or something in his room (once he's gone to sleep) in case he wakes up at 11pm starving and then wakes you up banging about in the kitchen getting a snack.

Groovee · 23/09/2011 19:09

I'd probably make him some toast or something but my ds who's also 8 can be a PITA over certain places that myself, dh and dd like. He just gets told no and that we're going there and he can sit and watch us eat.

belledechocchipcookie · 23/09/2011 19:10

YABU. Give him some supper and an early night, he sounds exhausted.

larks35 · 23/09/2011 19:11

I think you should give him some food tbh. Using food as a treat or punishment doesn't seem right to me.

Notinmykitchen · 23/09/2011 19:11

YABNU, sounds like one very tired boy, who probably needed his bed more than food at on this occasion! Maybe you should try again tomorrow night when he is less tired from a long week at school?

Greensleeves · 23/09/2011 19:11

That makes no logical sense to me

By all means deny him the treat of eating out because he spoilt it with his behaviour.

But what reason is there for not feeding him at all? I think it's horrible, I'm afraid. He deserves to have his basic needs met even when you are displeased with him.

JaneFonda · 23/09/2011 19:12

YABU. You ARE using food as a punishment - you should give him a meal at home.

The real punishment is losing out on a treat by going out, why are you punishing him twice?

He hasn't made the choice himself to go without food, you have made that for him, so don't try and deny that you use food as a punishment.

I feel really sorry for your DS.

LetThereBeRock · 23/09/2011 19:13

What Jane Fonda said. YABU.

40notTrendy · 23/09/2011 19:14

Poor lad

FrauLindor · 23/09/2011 19:14

YABU, I am afraid, and punishing him too harshly by not giving him dinner.

Does he have tantrums like this often at the moment?

Is something troubling him?

wannaBe · 23/09/2011 19:15

well tbh stropping when he doesn't get his own way is fairly typical behavior although not always on that scale.

We actually have nothing in the fridge that is ready to make (enough bread etc for breakfast, was going to the shop in the morning).

If he'd refused dinner at home then I wouldn't have offered anything else. I don't see this as any different.

OP posts:

Ifancyashandy · 23/09/2011 19:16

I wonder what it was that upset him - does he get anxious about new situations? I used to (as an adult). I wanted to know exactly what the plans were so I could picture myself in the situation. You would think this would minimise anxiety - it actually had the opposite effect so if I was going somewhere I knew, I'd get anxious & if I was going somewhere I didn't know, I'd get anxious. And my expression of anxiety was anger / upset.

Wonder if your son was axious in some way?

But to amswer your question, no YANBU - the best way to deal with my tantrums (for that's what they were) was to curtail the evening or ignor them.

Hulababy · 23/09/2011 19:16

What is he doing in his room? Is he tired and likely to sleep?

I would need to offer food though. If nothing else he is likely to wake up at some point and be really hnungry having not eaten since lunch time. Better for him to eat something now than him wake in the early hours hungry.

Oakmaiden · 23/09/2011 19:17

You could always say that when he is ready to apologise to you and his father for his behaviour then you will make him a sandwich. That makes it clear that his tantrums and sulks do nothing to help him get his own way, but also gets around the whole "bed without dinner" thing - which is a little Victorian.

That way if he chooses not to apologise he will be clear that he is also choosing not to have supper.

LetThereBeRock · 23/09/2011 19:17

You don't have any cereal?

belledechocchipcookie · 23/09/2011 19:18

He's not refusing supper, he's expressing his choice of venue! Phone for a chinese take away or something, it's mean to send him to bed without eating.

flippinada · 23/09/2011 19:18

YANBU to punish him for his bad behaviour but sending him to bed without dinner is really awful.

FrauLindor · 23/09/2011 19:18

Well, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face (in a way) if you have nothing to eat at home.

Go ask him what is wrong and tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable.

Then decide what to do for dinner.

Oakmaiden · 23/09/2011 19:18

And the "no food in the house" thing is a bit crap. If you have bread for breakfast then make a sandwich with it and then go and buy some more. You were going to be going out anyway, and there are 2 of you....

livinonaprayer · 23/09/2011 19:19

Bowl of cereal, banana?
Think if you don't let him have something he will wake up early starving.He does sound shattered and a hungry early start won't help!

AmberLeaf · 23/09/2011 19:19

If he has no say in where you go to eat [fair enough] why involve him in the discussion in the first place?

Seems he got upset because his choise wasnt a consideration [again fair enough] so why involve him in the descision?

JaneFonda · 23/09/2011 19:20

What were you planning on cooking before your DH suggested going out? Make that, you're being really unfair on the poor boy.

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WilsonFrickett · 23/09/2011 19:22

What are you going to have for your dinner OP? Is no-one going to eat at all, because that sounds a teeny bit unreasonable to me...

Feed your child, at the table, no chat and no treats/rewards but you really can't withold food because of a meltdown.

Choufleur · 23/09/2011 19:23

Next time you have a strop make sure you deny yourself a meal. Yabu.

Voidka · 23/09/2011 19:23

YABU - using food as a punishment is never a good idea.
Get him something to eat and apologise.

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