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To let my 10 YO DD wear make up to school?

(97 Posts)
TryingToBeRealistic Fri 23-Sep-11 18:06:28

I've namechanged because I'm not stupid, and there's a possibility I might be BU grin



I don't notice them, (and it obviously wouldn't make any difference to the way I feel about her if I did) but DD is really bothered by the darkish skin under her eyes.

I got some 'touch of light' concealer yesterday and DD asked to try it, it got rid of the dark under her eyes and you couldn't tell she had it on.

The bit of trouble at school she's had with a few other DC (which the school has dealt with very well, but it's not gone away) has left her with her confidence dented.

Despite this, she's a very grounded and far from being a shallow person, that she's not into so called celebrities/fame/money/looks might explain why she has clashed with some 'popular' girls at school.

She knows you don't judge books by their covers, but she's getting to an age where she's finding it hard to brush off any comments about her appearance.

We've talked about how she's not responsible for their remarks and it's a reflection on them, and 'they' pick up on anything/nothing, but that advice isn't much help when you're in the situation and feeling crap.

If it were her shoes causing her grief, I'd change them.

If she wanted her hair a different way, I'd have no problem with that.

As I said above, I'm not an idiot, and know it's about far more than just a concealer -

--I don't want her to start wearing make up and not feel able to stop.

--me saying yes is saying I think she's not OK as she is, and lumps me in with the girls at school.

--it ultimately won't change how other people are with her.

So given that I understand the reasons why it might not be a good idea, and that I'm trying to be realistic about what it feels like to be 10 YO and at school - trying to fit in but also trying to be confident about who you are - I'm kind of being swayed towards letting her put it on (if she wants to/remembers)?

AIBU?

belledechocchipcookie Fri 23-Sep-11 18:08:52

YABU. You need to take her to the GP to get her iron levels checked, she may also not be drinking enough. She's far too young to be wearing make up and all of the younger girls will want to copy her. You need to teach her how to be confident with how she looks rather then to plaster herself in make up.

FabbyChic Fri 23-Sep-11 18:09:32

Why would you want your child to wear make up at the age of 10!

I was 16 before I wore it.

Jesus H christ then you be whinging and crying when she is 13 and out shagging.

Why would you want to make her look older? She is a child ffs.

LeBOF Fri 23-Sep-11 18:11:59

It's not about looking older though, is it? I'd let her if it's bothering her, and you can make sure it's undetectable. At her age she might get teased if people see it. But it's good advice to get her checked out at the GP.

freelancescientist Fri 23-Sep-11 18:12:22

Am watching how this pans out- my DD has one dark eyebrow and set of eyelashes, while the other eyebrow and eyelashes are blonde. She's only in Yr 1 but I'm thinking of the future and what to say if/when other kids pick up on it and she wants to cover up/make them match. Tricky, isn't it? It may never be an issue but I think probably about age 9/10 someone is going to say something, aren't they?

FabbyChic Fri 23-Sep-11 18:12:57

does your child need glasses? is she getting enough sleep.

My son is 18 he has had them since he was around 5

Fabby did you bother to read the op? It's not about making her look older the op is thinking about her daughter and how she feels as a 10 yr old who is having a hard time at school.
I don't know what to say tbh you know your dd and how she is feeling.

worraliberty Fri 23-Sep-11 18:17:42

How the hell anyone can read the OP and make a connection with a child having sex is beyond me.

Fucking mental

Yourefired Fri 23-Sep-11 18:18:46

Sorry your DD's confidence has been knocked, I know how much it hurts to watch. I'm not sure this is the answer though. Keep affirming her how she is, and maybe some role play as to what to say and how to act when things are said in the playground. These skills will be needed throughout life: unfortunately there is sometimes not enough concealer in the world. Good luck.

40notTrendy Fri 23-Sep-11 18:18:58

Don't think yabu as it is obviously a considered decision and you are not plastering her in glitter and lip gloss. And I was recently part of a Year 6 disco where all the girls had a bit of make up on, so it's not unusual. I'm guessing you are a sane parent who would discuss the pros and cons of wearing make up and where it might lead? And to lay down rules/expectations so it doesn't become an issue? I certainly don't think it's a slippery slope to anything while you control what's going on her face. But think the advice about seeing a gp is good.

applechutney Fri 23-Sep-11 18:21:18

Yes Fabby, using some concealer under her dd's eyes, will most certainly lead to "whinging and crying' when her 13 yo is 'out shagging'. As ever, you're the voice of reason here. hmm

Op, I do sympathise - if, as you say the concealer is really unnoticeable, then I would be inclined to let her use it. It's not as though you're encouraging her to go to school plastered in make-up.

It sounds as if you're doing your best to help your dd at what can be a very tricky age.

TheFlyingOnion Fri 23-Sep-11 18:21:35

tough one.

YApossiblyNBU if you handle this with immense tact and sensitivity

Which it sounds like you are doing....

Good luck.

valiumredhead Fri 23-Sep-11 18:25:49

Well, I was all set to come on this thread and get all stroppy with you OP but I think I would do the same tbh. If it makes her feel better about herself, I can't really see the problem tbh.

newgirl Fri 23-Sep-11 18:29:02

i think its fine as long as it is not noticeable - just concealing colouration.

But agree a trip to docs might be good idea - early nights?

my dd has very fair eyelashes and im poised with mascara - maybe a couple of years yet though

Crumbletopping Fri 23-Sep-11 18:31:08

Of course yanbu. You sound like a great mum.

TryingToBeRealistic Fri 23-Sep-11 18:33:26

Thanks for your thoughts.

I'm sane-ish grin

She's under a consultant for her asthma/allergies, the allergies she has to grass/dust etc make her eyes itchy and maybe a bit darker, he's seen her recently and everything was fine. Thanks for the suggestion though.

I have dark bits under my eyes too, but I wear make up and cover them. It's only powder, lippy and eyeshadow, so I'm not laying it on with a trowel or anything.

I've tried role playing to help her see the tons of different ways there are of dealing with 'difficult' people (ignoring them and walking away, making light of their remarks, not taking them too seriously etc) but it's all such a mine field isn't it?

You really can't see the concealer, and I've looked in different lights.

I was 14 when I started wearing make up and it is a bit of a mask now, I just don't want DD to feel she has to cover up the face she has for other people.

mumeeee Fri 23-Sep-11 18:37:51

I was going to say ywbu. as I don't think 10 year olds should wear make up. But in the case of your DD wearing a little bit of concealer to cover the dark lines and giving her some confidence YANBU. But I would still get her checked at the GP though.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 23-Sep-11 18:38:20

OK, this is tough for me. I saw the thread title and thought YABU and "hell, no" but... I always had dark circles under my eyes, from very young. I have tried less salt, more sleep, different pillows and lots of other ridiculous things. I just have dark circles.

I discovered Touche Eclat and it changed my life. People stopped asking me if I was OK/tired and I looked a million times better. I wore concealer under my eyes at school and lied to my Mum (who would never have allowed it). Use liquid and teach her to do it well (less is definitely more).

For those of you with girls with light eyelashes (another problem of mine) dyeing them means that you can still swim and run around, rub your eyes and no panda circles.

And yes, I did look like a tired Boris Becker before concealer and eyelash dye grin. BTW FabbyChic I had sex late and was much less promiscuous than most of my peers. Concealer is not an aphrodisiac.

LeBOF Fri 23-Sep-11 18:41:28

I don't think there's much point trying to remonstrate with Fabbychoc- I'm sure she has said before that she never returns to a thread after she has given her ten bob's worth. She just bitchplops and runs...

worraliberty Fri 23-Sep-11 18:42:48

Concealer is not an aphrodisiac

grin MrsT

onefatcat Fri 23-Sep-11 18:44:13

YANBU!!!!! I have always had terrible dark shadows under my eyes which are nothing to do with health, that's just the way they have always been. I always got lots of comments about them as a child and really wish my mum had taught me how to conceal them. If the makeup gives your dd confidence then i would say let her. It's not as if she is wearing a face full of mascara and lipstick.

hobnobsaremyfave Fri 23-Sep-11 18:44:22

Love the term bitchplops grin

Yourefired Fri 23-Sep-11 18:44:43

Bitchplops. Love it

MarginallyNarkyPuffin Fri 23-Sep-11 18:44:52

I understand exactly why you're doing it - and that stuff is good - but I would worry that the message is. You've done all the positive 'it's not you, it's them' and then given her something to use so she's acceptable to them. I don't think that the concealer itself is a huge issue. I think the danger is in teaching a girl who has had 'her confidence dented' that make up is the solution. It is a practical way to deal with a specific issue of dark circles, but what happens if they decide she's fat (I'm sure she isn't) or her eyebrows are too heavy?

Does she do after school stuff away from these girls? Something that she's interested in that she can feel she's good at? Karate, acting classes, whatever interest her and give her something to base her self esteem on outside of these girls opinion of her.

If you could get any girls who are a older eg cousins to spend some time with her and build her up with compliments that would be really good. A positive comment from a 15/16 year old has much more weight to a 10 year old than anything a parent could say.

Short term I'd probably let her use a little but I'd put it on. And I'd gradually use less and less. Longer term I'd get her iron levels checked, make sure she gets plenty of sleep and try to build up her confidence again.

It will be her asthma. I have them too, since I was very little and so does DS1 who is 3.

I think YABU.

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