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So your doorbell rings at the dead of night...

(36 Posts)
MrsMilton Fri 23-Sep-11 12:40:21

Last night someone buzzed the intercom to my 4:30am. They did it twice. I woke up and was, I'll admit it, afraid. DH was away last night so I was home alone with DS. I checked my phone, no-one had been trying to call. I could think of no-one who would ring directly into my flat at such an ungodly hour. My heart was racing. I was hoping it was just idiots in the street messing about... but at 4:30? Plus, you can't really dial in by accident, there's a series of codes you have to go through (we are in a large complex). I was really freaked out, in that way that you are in the middle of the night, especially when you're alone. I lay awake for about 15 mins hoping it had been a mistake and the person had gone away. Then they buzzed again. I was at this point seriously starting to think about my quickest escape route if things turned scary. I was starting to panic. Then they buzzed again - three times now. I realised they weren't going away and I had to answer. I picked up the intercom and said hello, genuinely thinking there would be some weirdo or potential burglar on the other end.

Lo and behold, my next-door neighbour pipes up: "It's xx, can you let me in please". That's it. No explanation, no apology, just can you let me in. TBH I was so relieved it wasn't some crazy axe murderer I just limply said "Yes, sure." and buzzed him up. I watched through the spy hole as he came raging up the stairs and started banging on his own front door. His wife opened it and he went in and an argument ensued.

I lay awake for ages, really annoyed by all this and how afraid he had me feeling and how rude it was not to even say "I've lost my key" or "I'm so sorry to wake you". He buzzed me six times in the space of 20 mins so he was pretty determined to get me up and he knew I had a young child asleep. As did he! I got about another hour's sleep before DS woke up and feel really shit today.

I have just seen him go out (midday). Wouldn't you think he might have the decency to knock at my door on his way past and apologise? Or at the very least push a note through, or something? I bumped into his wife in the hall this morning and as I was with other people I didn't want to get into it so I just sort of smiled and carried on. She certinly didn't chase after me with an explanation either. WTF? How can people be so ill-mannered?

Can only assume marital strife caused the whole thing (either she was ignoring him or locked him out or something but that, in itself is pretty selfish knowing he would have to get someone else to let him in). Whatever it was, I'm unplugging the intercom at night from now on. And perhaps playing music very loudly and banging some pans about tonight! Grrrr.

And breathe...

Shutupanddrive Fri 23-Sep-11 12:45:32

YANBU I hope you say something next time you see him?
Very rude, I would be pissed off too

MrsMilton Fri 23-Sep-11 12:46:48

My AIBU is this:

AIBU to think he should have sat it out until his wife agreed to let him in rather than wake his neighbour up in the middle of the night?

AIBU to think that if you do buzz said neighbour five times and she doesn't answer, you should perhaps drop it and not try again, just because you damn well know she's in there?

AIBU to now think that an apology of some sorts is appropriate?

trixymalixy Fri 23-Sep-11 12:47:07

Yanbu, I would be livid and pull him up on it.

StrandedBear Fri 23-Sep-11 12:48:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shutupanddrive Fri 23-Sep-11 12:48:33

YANBU in any way! grin

worraliberty Fri 23-Sep-11 12:49:29


Very long winded but


MrsMilton Fri 23-Sep-11 12:51:29

blush I got a bit carried away, what a drone, can see where DH is coming from sometimes... grin

But, anyway, if I see him, what do I say? DH reckons the guy had no choice, that he could hardly sit on the doorstep all night.

ScarletLady01 Fri 23-Sep-11 12:51:40

I wouldn't have answered...but then I don't answer my door anyway unless I know who it is...I don't really like people >_<

That is very rude though, I wouldn't dream of doing it.

Shutupanddrive Fri 23-Sep-11 12:54:05

If you see him say 'can you please not ring my doorbell at stupid o clock again, you woke me up and didn't even apologise for it' with a face like this angry

MrsMilton Fri 23-Sep-11 12:54:29

If you wouldn't dream of doing it, what would you have done in his position?

SuePurblybilt Fri 23-Sep-11 12:54:50

I have this mental picture of you as Mr Yonioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Sorry, not funny. grin. I would be fuming, why don't you address it with them? They sound like a nightmare. YANBU at all.

ScarletLady01 Fri 23-Sep-11 12:56:16

If I got locked out after an argument and my DH wouldn't let me in? Not sure. I wouldn't ring someone's bell repeatedly though. I'd probably go and stay at a friend's. Someone who wouldn't mind waking up at 4.30 to let me in.

SnakeOnCrack Fri 23-Sep-11 12:56:20

I'd have to have a word myself.. something along the lines of -

As you have a small child yourself I'm sure you appreciate how difficult it is to get a good nights sleep. In future, if you find yourself outside without a key, I'd prefer not to be woken up at 4:30am without so much as an explanation or apology.. do you agree that's reasonable?

WHAT a twonk.

MrsMilton Fri 23-Sep-11 13:04:14

Just really awkward having to live next door to them. You're much more in each other's path in flats than you are in houses. We pass in the hall, we see them in the lift, I see his wife and the child in the park. I don't want to be avoiding them and feeling weird about things. I hate confrontation but am the kind of person who silently seethes and wishes I had the balls to do it. Plus, whilst the wife is quite nice, I've always found him really odd and hard to talk to. I can imagine he wouldn't take it well.

I'm hoping they will say something before the day is out.

BluddyMoFo Fri 23-Sep-11 13:06:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WibblyBibble Fri 23-Sep-11 13:06:41

YANBU, he sounds like a total wanker.

Grumpla Fri 23-Sep-11 13:12:11

I wouldn't have let him in I'm afraid. Not without a plausible story of lost keys etc. And definitely not after that!

I think a curt note is certainly in order, explaining that in the future you are not prepared to let him into the building if he has been locked out.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Fri 23-Sep-11 13:13:55

I suppose at least he said please. An apology would be good though.

MrsBlarney Fri 23-Sep-11 13:19:23

ok it sounds like she had refused to let him in so he decided you (also a woman, probably no more deserving of his respect than his poor wife) would have to do it instead so he could go and bully her properly.

I wouldn't have done it, I'd have said 'You have got the wrong number, please fuck off'. That way he would have had to explain it to his wife.

However this is with hindsight. You weren't to know and I'd have been scared out of my wits too.

Have a word with her - say you're sorry if you shouldn't have let him in but he freaked you out and you didn't realise there was anything going on.

He sounds like a prize tosser. YANBU at all but please don't blame her. She wouldn't have known he was going to wake up all the neighbours too. Maybe she was scared of him/he was pissed/she didn't want him in because she knew they would wake their child by having a row.

Next time refuse to get involved.

Springyknickersohnovicars Fri 23-Sep-11 13:19:45

I'd be furious how rude!! The best slant I can put on it is that he is embarrassed. I'd like to think he is out buying you a box of chocolates or something for causing you to be scared in the middle of the night.

If he does nothing at all today to apologise then he is extremely rude.

MrsBlarney Fri 23-Sep-11 13:21:09

He won't ber buying anyone chocolates. Think about it - his wife was there. They had a row. She wasn't letting him in for a reason.

Springyknickersohnovicars Fri 23-Sep-11 13:23:42

If I was the wife I'd make sure he went to apologise to her.

BertieBotts Fri 23-Sep-11 13:30:22

He sounds like a twat. I feel sorry for his wife and agree with what MrsBlarney is implying.

Honestly, I know this sounds overkill, but if someone rang the doorbell at 4am, especially if I was home alone, I'd call the police and say "Someone is ringing my doorbell, I don't know if they need help or they're causing trouble, but I'm on my own here with children and I'm afraid to answer it." and let them deal with it.

MrsMilton Fri 23-Sep-11 13:31:43

That's what I think - that I'd be embarrassed on DH's behalf and especially as it's really us, the wives, who see each other around. Plus, I'd be feeling more than partly responsible for it if she really was ignoring him or just didn't hear him (seems unlikely). It's not really very civilsed in a shared building is it? I did hear as she opened the door to him last night that she said "What is it?" to him. Which seemed like an odd thing to say as it seemed pretty obvious what was wrong. He replied "What do you mean, what is it? You kept me waiting outside...." and then the door shut and I didn't hear anything else.

I don't think she had locked him out. I think he didn't have his keys. All access to our doors is by fob so she doesn't have the power to keep him out, other than by bolting the door to the flat. Maybe she is a very heavy sleeper and just didn't hear him calling her? Maybe their buzzer is broken. I'm not sure what, but I'd like to know.

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