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to be pissed off about this

(75 Posts)
carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:09:44

I am a regular but I have namechanged for this in case it outs me in RL

Me and DH have been invited to a wedding tomorrow but without the DC. This is fine with me, we only had family children at our wedding and we will be able to relax a bit more.

I have a DS from a previous relationship and DH also has a DS from a previous relationship. We have DD together. We have known about this wedding for quite a while and I contacted my XP regarding having DS which was fine. I have a very good relationship with my XP however DH doesn’t with his. My BF was supposed to be looking after DD but she can’t now as she is working however my DM has said that she is happy to. This weekend is DH’s weekend with his DS (he has him every other weekend and Wednesday overnight) and I have been telling him for some time to ask his XP whether she will swap weekends. He didn’t do this until Thursday morning!! And she said that she would have her DS this weekend however wouldn’t swap weekends. Two weeks ago when it was DH’s weekend my MIL had him as we were moving house so he hasn’t really spent much time with him for a few weeks.

The upshot of this is that DH plans to go to the wedding and I will stay at home and look after DSS and DD (they are his friends more than mine). AIBU to be really pissed off about this. I have managed to sort childcare out for both DS and DD and he left it very last minute to sort out childcare for his DS.

I am already feeling quite delicate today as last night my BF told me that my XP who I was with for some time is taking her out for dinner and drinks next week.

Coupled with the fact that a former partner of DH will be at the wedding tomorrow and has been posting on facebook that she has had her hair done, spray tan, nails, new dress etc for the occasion.


itisnearlysummer Fri 23-Sep-11 11:15:03

God, no YANBU for being pissed off. Why on earth did he leave it till the last minute to ask his ex when he doesn't have a great relationship with her? I'm not surprised she was a bit funny about it! He's had plenty of time to organise this.

I'd be really pissed off if I were you.

bagelmonkey Fri 23-Sep-11 11:15:11

He should not be going without you due to his fuck up.

Shutupanddrive Fri 23-Sep-11 11:19:05

No your not BU, I would be pissed off too. Is there no-one else that can look after him? Can't they both go to your DM?

kelly2000 Fri 23-Sep-11 11:22:44

No YANBU, and neithe ris DHs ex, as it was last minute she might have mad eplans next weekend. DH should have arranged it in time, could your exp, or DM not look after them.

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:23:18

My DM isn't really a child person to be honest and my DSS is quite a handful. My MIL would usually have him but she is on holiday. I wasn't overly bothered about going but we had arranged to go together and I don't much like the idea of him having a good day, eating a lovel meal, drinking with his friends while I'm sat at home looking after the DC when it's not really my fault

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:24:01


AvaLafff Fri 23-Sep-11 11:24:01

he will be having a whale of a time, dancing and flirting with his ex while you arent there grin

i bet he has planned it

Shutupanddrive Fri 23-Sep-11 11:25:57

I would be tempted to tell him so sort something out or neither of you go to the wedding, in fact i would do that

cjbartlett Fri 23-Sep-11 11:28:22

Don't you trust him then?

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:30:02

Thanks AvaLafff grin

Shutupanddrive the thing is the person getting married is the sister of DH's BF, his GF does not get on with his family and has said she will only go if me and DH go so we would be letting them down. Also the meal etc will have been paid for and I think it would be quite unfair for us to both drop out at this late stage. We could offer to pay but I don't really fancy paying £100 for two meals neither of us are there to eat.

Sorry not trying to dripfeed

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:30:57

cjbartlett yes I trust him I'm just not happy about being the mug who has to sit at home!

Shutupanddrive Fri 23-Sep-11 11:33:18

Oh bugger angry
has ds's got a friend he could go and stay with overnight?

WineAndPizza Fri 23-Sep-11 11:34:07

Eh? So he doesn't want to swap weekends because he hasn't seen his son much lately - but then he is going to go off to a wedding leaving you at home looking after them all?

That is ridiculous.

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:37:09

his XP won't swap weekends she will only have him so he wouldn't have a weekend with him for about two weeks IYSWIM

I think he is trying to have the best of both worlds. Go to the wedding tomorrow (oh and out for drinks with the groom tonight!!!) and then be able to spend time with his DS tomorrow morning and Sunday

SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 23-Sep-11 11:37:30

YANBU. I'd be really annoyed. He needs to either get on the case and short childcare, or neither of you go. Why should your DP have all the fun while you look after his son. If he's at the wedding, his DS isn't going to be spending time with his dad anyway, so surely he can stay with his mum for the weekend and your DP can make it up to his son next time he has him.

Also, why are you FB friends with your DP's ex? If it's your DP, then why is he friends with her?

On another point that no-one's picked up yet, is the ex that your BF is going out with next week, the father of your DS? If so, I can understand that affecting you and it could make things awkward in the future should they start a relationship. What did you say when she told you?

slavetofilofax Fri 23-Sep-11 11:39:31

But this way he still doesn't get to spend time with his ds, so I don't get it confused

I must be missing something.

You said that his ex will have her ds, but she won't swop, right? So what difference does it make to your dh if you are looking after his ds or his ex is? Either way, he's not going to see him any more or any less.

He should either be staying to look after his own son and spend time with you, or he should not go to the wedding.

Going to the wedding alone seems to be the worst possible thing he could do, no one os happy, except him!

It would be out of order to cancel on the wedding, but it is more out of order to cancel on his son.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 23-Sep-11 11:39:35

Just a thought but could his DS stay with his mum until Sunday morning, then your DP can pick him up and spend Sunday with him?

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:42:26

Softkitty no the ex who she is going out with isn't the father of my DS but was my 'first love' for want of a better word. There wasn't much I could say really as I'm married now etc but I do think she should have just said no really.

My DH's ex I am friends with as I knew her before I knew my DH however he is also friends with her but then he is with most of his exes as am I.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear Fri 23-Sep-11 11:48:12

YANBU about the wedding

Yabu about your friend and ex

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 11:52:25

Fuzzywuzzy I would agree with you about my BF and my ex however she has always made a point of saying that you shouldn't do it.

WineAndPizza Fri 23-Sep-11 11:52:44

This really doesn't make sense. It seems to be the worst solution for everybody.

Can't you ask your mum if it's just this once? Or as somebody else said see DSS on Sunday, or during the week?

carryonregardless Fri 23-Sep-11 12:00:14

I am trying to ring him now to tell him I'm not happy with it but he's not answering his phone.

If I'm completeley honest my DM doesn't really like DSS and he is very naughty. I think the two of them would be too much of a handful.

I will ask DH to speak to his ex and see if he can have him on Sunday but I'd put money on her saying no hmm

wooden Fri 23-Sep-11 12:01:08

so it's ok for you to go out and marry your friends Ex but not for your friend to be going on a date with your EX?

btw YANBU about the wedding you DH should have sorted it out ages ago.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear Fri 23-Sep-11 12:03:45

Oh so it's one rule for and one for everyone else then! In that case YANBU!

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