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AIBU to be mad with rage that my good friend is pregnant when we've been trying for a whole year and I'm not?

(78 Posts)
duckey Fri 23-Sep-11 09:18:44

says it all really. Obviously I have given congratulations and all that and am genuinely pleased for her... But WHY NOT ME?

Phew that feels better, have vented.

So am I?

aldiwhore Fri 23-Sep-11 09:20:39

YANBU. You've been nice to your friend, because you're a good friend. You're privately super pissed off because you're human.

Good luck and I hope its your turn next. Its okay to be upset.

Springyknickersohnovicars Fri 23-Sep-11 09:21:14

You know it, you don't need to ask, but it's understandable and outwardly you did all of the right things so no flaming from me.

schobe Fri 23-Sep-11 09:21:49

Of course YABU.

But I know how you feel.

I always think that people for whom everything comes easily never really learn how to appreciate what they get. <lies through teeth>

Feel any better now?

pinkyredrose Fri 23-Sep-11 09:22:37

There's no need for you to be 'mad with rage' it's not like she got pregnant just to piss you off.

You should be happy for her and hopefully soon it'll be her turn to be happy for you!

mollschambers Fri 23-Sep-11 09:23:22

Provided you continue to vent on here and not at your friend then you are definitely NBU.

Good luck!

JugsMcGee Fri 23-Sep-11 09:24:11

YABU but it's understandable. Your friend would probably be upset if she knew you felt like that.

dmo Fri 23-Sep-11 09:24:18

my sil and bil tried for 18mths to get pg so they gave up bought a uber expensive kitchen and then found out they were expecting grin

my advice buy something expensive you cant afford smile

FloraPost Fri 23-Sep-11 09:26:27

Been there. YANBU to feel that way at all but YWBU to show it.

TrillianAstra Fri 23-Sep-11 09:27:10

YABU to be mad with rage, yes.

YWNBU to be envious or to feel sad.

begonyabampot Fri 23-Sep-11 09:27:43

Hopefully it will happen for you soon. YANBU or just a little but understandable, get it all out!

duckey Fri 23-Sep-11 09:29:04

Jugs - clearly she's not going to know how I feel, cos I won't tell her. I'm raging that it all seems very unfair.

Aldi thank you, you made me cry. How silly but also stressful time. I cried at someone important yesterday too (shame)

WorzselMummage Fri 23-Sep-11 09:30:50

YABU, 12 months isn't all that long. ( hough I know it feels like it at the time)

mousesma Fri 23-Sep-11 09:33:16

YABU but you know that and you've done all the right things in spite of how you feel.

It took me 2 and a half years to fall pregnant with DD and near the end of that time someone I worked with fell pregnant after trying for 2 months. I was so gutted I went and cried in the toilets for an hour when she broke the news at work. The very next week I found out I was pregnant smile

Your time will come but until then you have to stay positive and be happy for your friend.

frazzle26 Fri 23-Sep-11 09:35:04

Must be really galling, especially if they haven't been trying all that along. Sorry it hasn't happened for you yet, hope it does soon grin

HeidiKat Fri 23-Sep-11 09:35:33

YANBU, it took me a year to fall pregnant and I used to feel sick with envy when people I knew announced pregnancies, especially if they hadn't even been really trying to conceive. It did happen for me eventually as I'm sure it will for you, funny thing was that when I found out I was pregnant so did a few other people within a few weeks so hopefully the same will happen with your friend and you.

cantreachmytoes Fri 23-Sep-11 09:37:03

YANBU - you feel how you feel. You haven't shown your friend (well done on that front!). It's unfair, it is and it's not that you're jealous she has a new/better car, it's because of something you deeply, instinctually want that you have no control over.

Hugs and good luck for your tries though. Fingers crossed and soon you'll be asking if YBU to be upset about giant abdominal stretch marks ;-)

wigglesrock Fri 23-Sep-11 09:38:03

Been there, my sil got pregnant after I'd been trying for three years, I wailed to my husband "but she doesn't even like children" blush I then went out and bought her a big bunch of flowers and some biccies but it hurt like absolute hell. I had dd1 exactly 9 months after my lovely nephew was born - you know that old wives tale about holding a newborn kick starting your conception hormones it has worked for me 3 times!!!

fluffles Fri 23-Sep-11 09:38:52

as long as your mad with the universe and not with HER then yanbu..

it's not her fault and if instead of getting pregnant, she was struggling to conceive too it shouldn't make you feel any better.

gluttom Fri 23-Sep-11 09:41:54

Yanbu - hope you get that bfp soon.

Champagnevanity Fri 23-Sep-11 09:48:00

I was very mad at the world that i got pregnant on a one night stand WITH contraception. angry

Having sex ONCE with a condom.

However, now obviously im loving it, but the universe does funny things.

I usually find, things work out in the end. My mum and dad couldn't have children at all, and adopted me, which could be another option?

Magnumwhite Fri 23-Sep-11 09:50:08

I got pregnant very quickly and had a miserable first few months of pregnancy, for several reasons, (HG) but big one being i felt so guilty and undeserving as a friend of mine had been trying for much longer than me.
She was very open about her feelings to me and I encouraged her to me as it better dealing with her anger and disappointment than having her withdraw from the friendship.
6 months later she conceived. our friendship is really strong now.
Both children very loved and appreciated no matter how long it took for them to come along.
Really hope the same happens for you soon OP

Onemorning Fri 23-Sep-11 09:52:55

YANBU. I cried when I found out SIL was expecting a month after her wedding. We're still TTC after 2 years of investigations.

Good luck! x

diddl Fri 23-Sep-11 09:55:57

Well of course YABU as her being pregnant & you not are entirely unconnected.

A year isn´t that long-best of luck & have fun trying!

golemmings Fri 23-Sep-11 09:57:21

I've been there too. It took almost 2 years to conceive DD1 and I was jealous of all my friends who looked at their blokes and were up the duff.

I didn't know what to do with babies and small children and tended to drift away from friends who had babies which I regret. it made the pain easier but I've lost some friends through it.

We ended up at the fertility unit and almost immediately after our initial meeting I got pregnant. That was almost 3 years ago. I'm now waiting for DC2 to arrive (late!).

I'm sure it will happen for you; just hang in there and don't be afraid to seek specialist advice.

YANBU to feel what you do; just don't let it come between you!

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