to detest the long, proud, morning farts?

[initforthelulz]

The title says it all really.

He gets up at 6am, before me, and goes straight to the bathroom (leaving both doors open) and does the longest proudest fart he can manage. It's like he's trying to amplify it through the house and wants a round of applause afterwards. I've asked him to shut the bathroom door but he'll just push it to, so it makes no difference.

I'm not that precious about bodily functions but really, it's far too early in the morning for a bathroom orchestra.

Am I suffering alone with this or is it normal?

[diddl]

Not normal.

If he does it every morning, he might like to change his diet.

Horrible of him not to even bother to close doors properly when you´ve asked him to.

[DontGoCurly]

Wow! He goes to the bathroom to fart! How posh!

[loudee]

am that this is also the case in our house! sometimes it makes me so mad, especially if it is actually the thing that wakes me up as opposed to the alarm clock (fondly remembers hundreds of years ago when we first met and he pretended to be house trained!)

[initforthelulz]

Wow I was expecting loads of "yep my OH does this too"

Agree it's disrespectful, I absolutely hate it.

[squeakytoy]

My dad used to do this every morning. Even with the loo door shut, everyone in the house heard it.

I found it hilarious because my dad was the most prudish git ever, and burping or farting in public were considered the height of bad manners in our house.

[initforthelulz]

loudee yes when I was first dating my DH, after a few months he claimed I'd farted in my sleep

I now suspect that I hadn't, and he just wanted an excuse to start farting in front of me as he was sick of holding out for me to do it first

I miss those early days too [lamentful face]

[Morloth]

Farting in the bathroom is not disrespectful, not closing the door if it bothers you is quite rude though.

Like StrandedBear though, neither of even bother getting out of bed.

[Morloth]

That should read 'neither of us'.

[StuntCubble]

Disrespectful? Really? I can't help but fart either as soon as I wake up or as doom as I stand up. Certainly wouldn't make it to the bathroom!

[SardineQueen]

DH does a big fart with his monser pee in the morning.

The children snuggle in bed with me and we all listen out for it, and burst out laughing when it comes. Then DD1 might announce in an awed voice "mummy that was even bigger than yesterday".

It is a bonding activity round here

[SardineQueen]

*monster pee

[initforthelulz]

Don't get me wrong I don't mind a small, quietish one in the bed. I don't expect him to go to the bathroom every time he needs to pass wind either!

It's just the sheer length and volume of them, I'm sure he's deliberately making it last as long as possible (I'm not sure how, it's like some kind of gift). I think he expects he might follow through so that's why he goes in the bathroom.

I've not timed one yet but I'd say they last at least 7 seconds, which is pretty long for a fart isn't it.

[InnocentRedhead]

He goes to the bathroom? Wow! You wouldn't want to be anywhere near me on a morning. If they offend you in the next room, how about right next to you in bed? DP is rather jealous as mine are better than his :o

[secretly proud]

[SardineQueen]

My ex used to do a massive fart with his morning wee as well.

I thought it was something to do with the male anatomy

[initforthelulz]

Oh and he also does a full round-off with it so it changes pitch several times towards the end, and I swear gets as much enjoyment from that as anything else.

[loudee]

haha yes, I wonder exactly when it was that my DP decided it was 'safe' enough to let rip...I find it pretty gross regardless but as you say, it's the pride they seem to feel with the daily challenge to beat yesterday's efforts that I find particularly revolting. I'm sure I even heard him giggle once ....

And he seems genuinely perplexed as to why morning sex is never going to happen!

[StuntCubble]

I always thought it's impossible to fart in your sleep.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

LOLs (yes LOLS!) with/at Sardine and family!

Farts are always/mostly funny I think.

At least he goes into the bathroom to do it......thus sparing you the smells!