To hope my SIL has a difficult baby

[bounceyball]

My SIL has given my DH and me so much grief over the past years about what we should do with our dc (now 7 and 4). Apparently we should take them to outer africa to experience other cultures (When they were 2 and 4), All sleep in the living room in her flat on the sofas (when youngest dc was a baby and not sleeping through the night). There are so many other occasions like this plus a load of grief from the start about why i wasn't going straight back to work etc. We have just found out she is pregnant and i secretly hope her baby cries a lot and is generally difficult. Just after my oldest ds was born she said she wished she could have a baby too so she could have a bit of time relaxing off work. I have felt belittled by her over the years. AIBU?

[LeBOF]

I understand why you feel that, but it is a bit mean. Besides, she won't need a difficult baby to realise she was clueless- an ordinary one will do just as well.

[startwig1982]

I wouldn't wish a difficult baby on anyone! It's difficult enough having an 'easy' baby let alone one that cries all the time. Yabu, I'm afraid. Everyone gives advice-I'm sure you will annoy her with your advice.

[anonacfr]

YANBU. At all.

[Firawla]

as along as it doesnt go really bad for her and she ends up with pnd or something, then yanbu...
people like that are annoying and she maybe does need to get in touch with reality! but hopefully just any baby will bring her a bit more in touch with reality, whether a difficult one or not. she probably will feel silly herself when she thinks back to some of her comments in future

[Fimbo]

Aww that's a bit mean. The baby will be your nephew or niece after all. My sil is a bitch but we just have to get on with it.

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

NBU to think it privately YWBU to stand a snurk -when-- if things start to go tits up and don't meet her grand expectations

[diddl]

How has she given you grief?

You don´t have to do what she says!

Of course YABU.

[eaglewings]

Send her a brochure for basic holidays in Africa so she can decide early on how she will spend her maternity leave

[BitFuzzled]

Aren't you cute? Did you never have the balls to say "our kids, we'll do it our way thanks"?

YABU.

[CMOTdibbler]

You know you are bu, but I do sympathise.

[bounceyball]

I am trying really hard not to feel like this, but have been dying for her to get pregnant for years so she can finally realise that it is not all coffees and fun!

[AvaLafff]

Apparently we should take them to outer africa to experience other cultures

when people say stuff like that (OP not SIL) I raise my eyebrows. I would bet any money SIL was saying it tongue in cheek or in more context and OP has got the huff and chosen to take it literally. Hear it all the time when wailing about MIL, Mother, Father, SIL etc etc etc.

Really OP, says more about you than it does her

[AvaLafff]

finally realise that it is not all coffees and fun!

for some it is. I rarely struggled as a mum and that was with three under school age. But then Im easy going and take stuff as it comes without stressing and rushing to post my dramas on MN

[diddl]

"so she can finally realise that it is not all coffees and fun!"

But it might be for her!

[bounceyball]

Bitfuzzled that is the problem. We do do things our way and that is why we get the disapproval (you shouldn't let children dictate what you do etc.). It is her uninformed disapproval that drives me mad.

[LittleWhiteWolf]

YABU, but I can see where you're coming from.

Just remember, the best parentsthe ones who know it allare those who have no kids yet.
She'll soon learn.

[bounceyball]

What happened today then AvaLafff ?

[nesslassie]

I have a childless sister who is pretty much the same (minus the outer africa thing!). She seems to think that looking after an 8 month old baby is a walk in the park!!
Apparently, I should be back at work soon (was made redundant when I was pregnant, so no job to go back to!) and my son cries far too much as well??!! so I should be taking him to get checked out! My other sister and SIL have had the same comments. We just ignore her!! I find it's the best thing to do!! Your SIL will soon learn and be turninng to you for advice. Just give her the advice with a big smile and watch on!!
So, YABU to want her to have a difficult baby, but YANBU in regards to the way she has belittled you in the past!
Try the line "Everyone's a perfect parent till they actually have a child!" A bit bitchy, but it works for me :)

[WhereYouLeftIt]

YANBU. Yes it's a bit mean - well, isn't that just how she's been to you? She's pissed her disapproval all over your parade, you wouldn't be human if you didn't hope for a little comeuppance!

Schadenfreude - so normal in the human condition there's a special word for it.

[diddl]

"It is her uninformed disapproval that drives me mad."

Do you see much of her, & if so, why?

[PortBlackSandWitchIsThere]

Either that diddl or she will have the worst time ever of any mum and no way could she go to Africa with her spirited little one and problems and don't you know you had it easy with your two and huff puff....

....it is always the most vociferous business like child barely- tolerating anti breastfeeding types that immediately turn into lentil weavers once their child is born and refuse to accept any knowledge that they ever thought any other way.

Annoying people stay annoying....

[ragged]

yanbu, but it's one of those pleasures you should enjoy in private, don't bandy it about too much on MN.

[ShowOfHands]

You sound exceedingly mean. I wouldn't wish a difficult baby on anybody. She is just naive through circumstance, not malicious intent.

[TheVermiciousKnid]

Why outer Africa? What's wrong with inner Africa?

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

YANBU. I know someone who is pregnant at the moment, and quite frankly she deserves the most difficult baby imagineable.

If you knew her you'd understand my bitterness.