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to think my DH is wrong

(14 Posts)
Florabeebaby Thu 22-Sep-11 09:21:04

..he basically said that we can't have the same 'spark' that we used to now that we have a baby.
AIBU to then just go and get myself a toyboy? wink
I'm only 30...surely (fun) sex doesn't have to stop now???

cantspel Thu 22-Sep-11 09:31:48

Things do change when you throw a baby into the mix.

Lack of sleep can be a real downer on your sex drive. It is harder to have spontanious sex on the sofa when a baby is crying in the next room.
You cant just decide to go out for a romatic meal or drinks in the pub as you need to find a babysitter first.
Weekends away can be more hassle then there worth. Money can be tighter so not so much left over to treat yourselves with ect.

gemdrop84 Thu 22-Sep-11 09:32:10

YANBU!! hmm It might seem like that to him now if you've only just had your lo. I would say it takes a bit of time to get back into the swing of things so to speak as it is knackering, this having a baby malarky- but you can still have that fun if you're both willing to make the effort!! Our dd is nearly 3, Im 27, dp 34 and we still have a great time.
If anything, its improved as its now about the quality rather than the quantity! grin we just make sure we make that time for each other as often as possible.

slavetofilofax Thu 22-Sep-11 09:49:41

You are both right!

Things are never going to be exactly the same as they were in the beginning of a realtionship where it is all about excitement ant passion, but they can still be just as good, only in a different way.

Those feelings do change over time, but I think they become better, more special. I felt the giddy, start of a relationship, mind blowing excitment for more than one boyfriend, but I have only ever felt the way I feel now about my DH.

AvaLafff Thu 22-Sep-11 09:49:54

imagine if it was the mrs saying oh now we have a baby your "needs" will have to come second. Everyone would be saying yes of course they do, you are tired, hormonal (?!), got PND, wont feel like it etc etc.

peterpan99 Thu 22-Sep-11 09:54:42

not with that attitude you cant!
Obviously things change when you have a baby,but you can still have a spark and it gets easier to do things as time progresses

peterpan99 Thu 22-Sep-11 09:55:04

His attitude btw not yours

Oggy Thu 22-Sep-11 09:55:31

I think he put it badly using the word "spark" but you do lose some of the sponteneity (sp?) and care-free ness to your sex lives while you have baby or young children in the house.

peterpan99 Thu 22-Sep-11 09:59:04

i personally think you get more creative when you have children! You have to in order to get some time alone.

aldiwhore Thu 22-Sep-11 11:01:59

You can't have the same saprk but you can creat a whole new one.

My youngest is 4 now, and DH and I had more of a pfffft than a spark for years... so now we make time, because now we can, and the spark has definitely been reborn.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 22-Sep-11 11:20:55

YANBU.... sounds a lot like he's telling you 'don't expect much effort from me in future'. Bit of a cop out. If he's got that attitude and he's only 30, I'd definitely keep your eyes open for a more lively substitute. ;)

Georgimama Thu 22-Sep-11 11:24:07

what aldiwhore said.

Our new reborn spark led to the conception of DD so it has gone out again, sadly. Temporary though.

gethelp Thu 22-Sep-11 11:29:00

Next time he's standing close discreetly build up some static electricity than touch him somewhere 'unexpected' and ask him if that's what he's missing.

Florabeebaby Thu 22-Sep-11 16:40:03

smile I'm not expecting everything to be exactly the same...of course. But I still want to be wanted...and he needs to show it!
it's hard enough to get used to a post-baby body without worrying that your DH is turned off somehow.
I'm glad you agree with me.
And I am so happy I have more than 4 replies...that has been my previous total on posts..yey me!!

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