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regarding this playdate

(49 Posts)
hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 15:55:52

Ok, get to school this afternoon a tad frazzled this afternoon [understatement emoticon] . Life is frenetic at the moment and I'm finding things a bit much . Anyway, DC2 asks can he go to his friend's for tea, friend's parent says that's fine ,all good. DC2's friend has a sibling in DC3's class, as I am walking away after thanking this parent profusely for having DC2 over the parent pipes up "My younger DC would like to come to yours for tea" and looks at me expectantly. hmm I really can't have this child over tonight, DC1, DC3 and 4 both have things on, I have a meeting to go to and quite frankly I'm bloody knackered.
I have now agreed to have this child over another night even though that night is equally frenetic just so I didn't look too mean but I just feel a bit had. AIBU in thinking that you wait to be invited or am I being a cowbag?

worraliberty Wed 21-Sep-11 15:58:30


Worra fucking liberty

worraliberty Wed 21-Sep-11 15:58:57

Oooh that looks like I signed my last post with my full name grin

porcamiseria Wed 21-Sep-11 15:59:40

ah such is life, lesson learned! its not end of the world
you have too many kids!!!!!

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:00:53

Oh and this isn't the 1st time this parent has done this. I'm not very good at the whole playdate thing due to time and energy constraints (and having 4 DC's doesn't help) But now I wonder if I'm letting DS down by not being more proactive with the other parents in his year sad

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 21-Sep-11 16:01:04

Oooh that looks like I signed my last post with my full name

Your middle name is 'fucking'!? shock That's unusual. grin

OP - I agree, generally it would be 'the done thing' to wait for an invite.

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:01:42

OK too many kids and crap at playdates.

deaconblue Wed 21-Sep-11 16:04:33

not crap at playmates but your dc2 did kind of invite himself to the other parent's house in the first place so she was just returning the cheekiness. However, I do sympathise re playmates. Ds is just too knackered after school to be bothered with them and I often feel guilty when I see friends' dc's going here, there and everywhere after school. we do , however, have his best friend here tonight which I arranged last week.

AuntieMonica Wed 21-Sep-11 16:05:31

i'm crap at playdates and have less children than you, hobnobs

DD has only just started school and i'm dreading the 1st 'muuum, can 'x' come home for dinner' - i'm really not great with 'OPKs' (Other People's Kids) and will avoid it all costs.

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:06:55

NO Shoppin he was invited he didn't invite himself, this child's parent offered.

squeakytoy Wed 21-Sep-11 16:08:39

what happened to kids just playing, then going home for their tea at their own house.. like in the good old days!

The days when kids did not need to do sleepovers every sodding week either.. they just came home and slept in their own beds. Life was so much simpler back then... grin

buzzskillington Wed 21-Sep-11 16:08:40

Yabu - I agree with shoppingbags - your dc invited himself to his friends and the parent was just returing the favour. grin

PotterWatch Wed 21-Sep-11 16:09:01

God I am dreading this part of school when the DCs are older.

OP, YANBU, she was being cheeky! I would say you have too many things on most evenings.

Quintessentialist Wed 21-Sep-11 16:09:21

Well hobnob I agree with shoppingbags.

If you have many children, and they have activities, then you should have a blanket rule that your children neither go on playdates nor have any at yours.

You cant expect other parents to do you this favour, without being able to return it without this causing problems for your schedule.

buzzskillington Wed 21-Sep-11 16:10:48

x-posted. But I do think if you're happy to let your child go on playdates, you have to return them.

MajorB Wed 21-Sep-11 16:10:52

Well there could just as easily be a thread on here from the other mum saying:

AIBU to be f*cked off? A friend of my DC invited himself to dinner at my house tonight & I was (stupidly) too soft to say no, but I've got a pile of stuff on and could really do without it, so I thought I'd ask the other mum if she'd have my younger child to even things up & she wormed her way out of it. Cheeky mare!!!

Or do you not see it like that OP? wink

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:11:28

I DO DO playdates , especially on weeks where I'm working my core hours and not loads of overtime. I just don't find them particulalry enjoyable. But I have alway taught my DC's to wait to be invited .

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:12:04

I do reciprocate, often.

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:12:20

And he didn't invite himself

choccyp1g Wed 21-Sep-11 16:12:20

YANBU. but you should have said no to the original request from your DS.

I try to refuse last-minute dates on principle.

As a parent of an only child, it drives me mad when I have stopped (dirty) work, washed, changed, driven to school, even walked to school sometimes, and then get persuaded into letting DS go home with someone else. It means I have wasted at least 40m, plus my meal planning goes all to pot.

Parents with more than one naturally will try to get them to both go to friends on the same night to save the school run.

ballstoit Wed 21-Sep-11 16:14:24

YABU...agree with Quint. You either do recipricol (sp?) playdates, or you do none. I stick with none, but I'm lucky in having extended family children for the DC to practice arguing skills enjoy spending time with at home.

MajorB Wed 21-Sep-11 16:14:36

Ahh, just seen your post saying the mum invited him. So YANB quite so U, as you do need to return the favour at some point (or risk being seen as one of life's takers) and it shouldn't be done begrudgingly.

choccyp1g Wed 21-Sep-11 16:15:08

Sorry, I thought your DS had invited himself. But it may be that the other child invited him, and the mum couldn't think of a good reason to say "no".
THe younger one may be a PITA if the older 2 are playing together...

gethelp Wed 21-Sep-11 16:15:22

I bloody hate being ambushed like this, makes me so ragey. YANBU, but it's what happens. I tried to set a day when everyone had a friend round so it was like a madhouse once a week and then quiet the rest. What was worse to me was when they went to a friends house in the winter and I had to go and get them in the car in the dark and when I'd driven through the rush hour traffic, dragging my other kids out, they'd be hopping around with no socks or shoes in sight, sucking a lolly in a wild-eyed way then announce their homework for the morning was to make a model lighthouse.

hobnobsaremyfave Wed 21-Sep-11 16:17:25

OK IAMBU. I do reciprocate, this child was already coming over next week anyway but clearly I should have just said yes tonight. I am clearly a shit mother . [pre menstrual emotico]

<wonders when wine can be consumed>.

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