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to not want family here on DATE NIGHT?

(116 Posts)
ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 11:58:57

DH and I have been looking forward to a date night for ages... theatre, dinner, which will lead onto a treat from DH when we get home (said treat not told to sister, but it's a sexy massage), next morning is Sunday and we want to sleep in (for a change... usually go to church). So we are really looking forward to Sat night smile

Cue sister... had some tears, rowed with housemate, crying on the phone, then texts me a looong text re how her house share wants to have friends over on Sat and as she has rowed with housemate she doesn't want to be there and can she come to us that night? She is aware we will out, but 'she doesn't mind being on her own, she will just chill at ours.. and sleep over'.

I love her and feel for her... but this is the ONE night that we want for US. She often stays over, which is fine, and we seldom say no to her. But it has put me in an awkward position. DH not keen to have her here, but he is a thoughtful man and her being single is a card often played, and he doesn't want ructions btwn us.

If she did stay, there goes our romance out the window and we'll have to get up early in the am (she will stay for the day then too, unwritten, she often does this).. and I'll have to listen to her moans (yet again)... when honestly, all I want is a relaxing, romantic Sat night and Sunday with my DH. And I am tiptoeing around my sister.... can she honestly not realise that our date doesn't end the minute we leave the theatre..??? That it might continue at home???

BluddyMoFo Wed 21-Sep-11 12:00:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dozer Wed 21-Sep-11 12:00:48


But YABU for using the term "date night" and telling us about the sexy massage - TMI!

Gissabreak Wed 21-Sep-11 12:03:05

Message withdrawn

diddl Wed 21-Sep-11 12:22:28

Just tell her no, she can´t stay!

Bloody hell, she´d be on her own-so she might as well be on her own at her own place!

(Assuming she´s got her own room to go to)

Or-and here´s a radical thought-she could try to become friends with her housemate again!

ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 12:24:20

hehe sorry re the tmi... but HAD to tell you! ;)

We don't have kids and a local hotel is not an option... why pay money when we have our home?

It comes down to me upsetting her or my husband - and he is my first priority... something she knows but doesn't understand fully, as seen by her actions over the years.

ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 12:26:34

diddl... I so agree with you... but the whole 'I have just turned 40 and am single and childless' thing has been going on and she turns to family when feeling low and I am the only immediate family here, the others are abroad currently.

Icelollycraving Wed 21-Sep-11 12:26:48

Yabu for the sexy massage info!
Say no & tell her why,including the massage,you won't see her for dust.

spookshowangellovesit Wed 21-Sep-11 12:26:53

"sorry hun, have plans that night but you are welcome to come over on sunday night. see you then. love sis xx " simple. grin

betterwhenthesunshines Wed 21-Sep-11 12:32:09

tell her she'll have to listen to VERY LOUD sex noises... that should put her off!

ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 12:33:18

The problem is she knows our home is empty for most of the evening... I have texted her and told her she can spent time here to chill till we are home, but not sleep over. Await the reply!

It all sounds very icky to me smile

ionysis Wed 21-Sep-11 12:40:44

I'd just say no, its a special night for the two of you and she will have to make other arrangements. Her singleness and childlessness isn't your fault is it? She should have the same consideration for you that you have for her - i.e. know when to make herself scarce!

diddl Wed 21-Sep-11 12:45:02

Oh dear, OP-how are you going to get her to leave?

TBH, I would have thought that moping around yours, knowing you are out on a date would make her feel worse.

If she wants some company, I don´t see why sunday lunch/afternoon...wouldn´t do.

Fleurdebleurgh Wed 21-Sep-11 12:45:52

YABU to use the phrase 'Date night' . Ergh.

MorelliOrRanger Wed 21-Sep-11 13:05:31

Sorry I would have just said no - you are not your sisters babysitter, she's an adult, tell her to deal with her housemate accordingly.

PS - enjoy your evening.

Inertia Wed 21-Sep-11 13:07:37

I think you need to be (reasonably!) honest with her- tell her that you and your husband have made plans for that night and it's not convenient for her to stay.

Could you arrange to go over to hers or go out with her on either the Friday or Sunday instead?

mistressploppy Wed 21-Sep-11 13:16:11

Any reply yet? What did she say?


Badtasteflump Wed 21-Sep-11 13:22:20

Ew OP how is that going to work though? (re your last post).

Will you get home and start making loud yawning gestures till she gets the hint? What if she still doesn't go?

Probably to late now but I would have just made an excuse to not have her round at all that night - it's just awkward if not.

BTW YABU to tell us about your 'sexy massage' - now I'm just seeing 70's beards, dodgy music and satin sheets when I think of you shock

Badtasteflump Wed 21-Sep-11 13:23:29

And BTW I will probably get flamed for this - but isn't every night a date night if you don't have children? confused

ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 13:24:11

We are going out on Friday night already.

No reply yet!

ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 13:29:11

hehe way, I wish! We have had health issues, and both of us work very long hours (that don't coincide)... too knackered for anything other than dinner and keeping the house clean(ish) often! Trying to make more of an effort... hence the (You know what) Night.

ElizabethDarcy Wed 21-Sep-11 13:30:38

'BTW YABU to tell us about your 'sexy massage' - now I'm just seeing 70's beards, dodgy music and satin sheets when I think of you'

hahahaha Bad... no beards, dodgy music or satin sheets here... promise!!! blush grin

bringmesunshine2009 Wed 21-Sep-11 13:30:57

Ignore them, they are all jealous, as am I. Date night (ick expression but only had one evening of the concept in TWO YEARS) and my mother had to force DH into it on my behalf-I ask you. I think the massage was a relevant fact, or wouldn't not have been clear why she wanted sis gone by her return. Though next time use emphemism like 'play scrabble'.

Out friday and Saturday? sobbing now We are off out today too. DH is taking me to Sainsburys for the afternoon. Not even Waitrose. Pffff.

skrumle Wed 21-Sep-11 13:31:31

YANBU except that i assumed you had a date night because something in your life required it (e.g. kids). if you are childfree why can't your H give you a massage tonight??

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