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To think sod it, and just, let my 15yo become a couch potato??!!

(112 Posts)
Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 20:46:16

im at the end of my tether! He won't eat veg. He won't eat salad. He won't eat fish. He won't eat chicken unless it's coated in breadcrumbs. He doesn't like rice much. His attitude sucks. He does sod all, he wants this or that, but doesn't even attempt to get a job. If I suggest that he might eat a carrot, or wash the dishes, he throws a wobbly. I've just dragged my knackered self into town and bought him hiking trousers, to wear with the walking boots I bought him last month, when he goes on the scout hike on Saturday, that I paid for. I asked him to eat a little coleslaw, or he won't be getting the chocolate that his gran sent over. Apparently I'm a selfish cow, who feeds him shit, and does bugger all. I'm so fucking cross, I could scream! Or beat the crap out of the little shit!

worraliberty Tue 20-Sep-11 20:47:37

He called you a 'selfish cow'?

He'd be going nowhere on Saturday if he was my son.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 20:48:54

Sorry, I lost the plot there slightly! Anyway. I'm tempted to say bollocks to it, and just let him eat pizza for the rest of his life! I've just had enough of the whole fight!

StrandedBear Tue 20-Sep-11 20:49:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollycuddles Tue 20-Sep-11 20:50:10

Feel your pain. Stop running around after him and tell him why. He doesn't have to like you but he darn well needs to treat you with respect. Bare minimum only done unless he shapes up. He eats what he is given or he does without. No treats. No nothing. Tough love. Been doing this with ds for about a month and we have an uneasy truce. I haven't wanted to murder him in at least 4 days. Good luck.

itisnearlysummer Tue 20-Sep-11 21:33:43

It's tough though. It's easy to say "I wouldn't let him go hiking on Saturday", but tbf I imagine the OP wants him to do this because it is him being active and actually doing something.

There are benefits to hiking with the scouts that he needs to gain - discipline, hard work, teamwork etc.

It's a tough one.

I'd remove all privileges. Does he have a TV in his room, computer, PS etc? Then let him earn them back.

FabbyChic Tue 20-Sep-11 21:35:57

I never fed my kids anything they would not eat.

My eldest never eats vegetables he is 23, my youngest 18 only eats peas never eaten a sandwich in his life.

Let him eat what he wants.

15 is too young to get a job when they are working hard towards their GCSE's.

They are only young once let him be.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 21:39:51

OK. We have just come to blows. Im fed up of being told Im a shit mother. I am constantly being reminded that his sister has to go to the stables most days, and he never gets to do anything. scouts, explorer scouts, D of E stuff, after school things that he cant possibly miss, scout meetings at weekends I never feed him anything nice pizza and only bought coleslaw so he wouldnt get his chocolate, because I am a fat ugly greedy bitch! well, at this point, whilst having him scream in my face, I slapped him. blush He is in his room, and will be staying there. Amongst the crap on the floor, and the bed that he never makes, that hasnt seen a bottom sheet all week. He wont be going hiking this weekend, and I will be getting an apology!

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 21:43:42

A great plan fabby except nobody can survive solely on pizza. 15 may be too young for a job, but its not to young to spend 3 hours a day glued to an x box! Theres being young, and there is taking the piss. Ive had enough.

worraliberty Tue 20-Sep-11 21:44:34

Oh dear, don't know what to say really sad

FabbyChic Tue 20-Sep-11 21:45:51

My children at that age were always glued to the Xbox. Straight in from school and on the Xbox it's what they do. He is 23 now and has a job paying more than I earn in three years in a year.

Let him be, it's his age.

FabbyChic Tue 20-Sep-11 21:46:45

Let kids be kids.

DashingRedhead Tue 20-Sep-11 21:47:16

Well done saggy!

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 21:49:34

let him be, its his age
Yes. its quite acceptable at 15 to call your mother a fat greedy bitch. hmm

cardibach Tue 20-Sep-11 21:50:48

I don't think 'deing a kid' necessarily includes being rude and abusive to your parent... hmm

cardibach Tue 20-Sep-11 21:51:03

Being not deing obviously.

FabbyChic Tue 20-Sep-11 21:51:42

You are too controlling.

So he is rebelling.

YOu want to tell him what he should eat and what he should do with his spare time, if you want him to reach a certain age and just leave because you get on his nerves, carry on parenting the way you are.

cardibach Tue 20-Sep-11 21:52:51

See, I think it's part of a parent's job to ensure children/young people eat a reasonably healthy diet and contribute to family life. The OP doesn't sound controlling to me.

worraliberty Tue 20-Sep-11 21:54:51

He's a child and he's your responsibility.

There's plenty of time for him to eat shit and ruin his own health when he's an adult.

As for speaking to you like that, well words fail.

That is certainly not 'what they do' and should never be considered so.

mankyminks Tue 20-Sep-11 21:57:33

I'm with cardibach. Leaving them to do/eat what they want is just lazy parenting in my eyes. What if someone tells them what to do later on in life,will they be able to deal with that? Meet in the middle I think,let him have some input but you have the final say (being the grown-up and all that)

aldiwhore Tue 20-Sep-11 21:57:58

My mate's brother is 28, and survived solely on sausages.... although he does like variety in his sausage.

I was a BITCH at 15, but my mum was a PITA good two shoes know it all cow (in my opinion, at that age)... we found peace when she backed off and treated me like a person rather than her child, I instinctively treated her like a person and not a complete witch.

He's not a toddler. He's at an age where its OKAY to be YUGH.

You shouldn't have slapped him, he shouldn't be a twat. You've lowered yourself to his level, fought a battle that you won't win (all this over coleslaw???? WHAT?? My DH will never eat coleslaw, I don't try and force him) so YABU, and so is he.

YANBU for reaching critical mass though, and my mum slapped me at that age too (I slapped her back actually - quite Jeremy Kyle for an nice middle class family) but it did makes us BOTH realise we BOTH had to change. We agreed on important rules, we agree to disagree on things, we agreed what wasn't actually that important and not worth fighting over... um coleslaw for example!

You feed your child a healthy diet when they're young in the vain hope that they'll request spinach when they hit their teens.... your healthy eating efforts have not been wasted, he's healthy thus far, and you're contribution will see him through his pizza and fried shape years... he'll grow up one day and possibly realise that healthy food is actually good.

Until then, do not stand for violence. Lay the law down on abuse. (and likewise agree to never hit him again!) Agree BASIC rules, and leave the coleslaw out of it... you'll be a NAG to him, no matter how right you are he won't listen.

YANBU to be utterly drained. I'm sure my mother was too, but she'd have felt a lot better had she backed off, she did more harm than good. Don't give him free reign, but pick your battles wisely.

Long post sorry..but a 15 year old boy who won't eat veg and had a smelly room isn't a rarity, he can still grow into a decent bloke.

squeakytoy Tue 20-Sep-11 21:58:16

Fabby, I have to ask, are any of your kids married or living with anyone yet? confused

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 21:58:38

No. you are wrong. I wont let him eat pizza every day. There are 4 people in this house. not just 1. I cook sensible meals, with a good amount of pizza and chips. Very occasionally I dish up brocolli. Big deal. I dont stop him doing anything. His dad and I turn out and ferry him wherever he wants to go. He gets what he wants, if we can afford it. If he doesnt get it, he throws a tantrum.

CactusRash Tue 20-Sep-11 22:00:35

Stop trying to make eat vegetables. It's too late now. You should ahve done that when he was 3 -7-10yo. Now is too late. And I can see why he reacted so badly to 'eat your veg or you won't have chocolate'. You are talking about a teenager, 15yo. Not to an 8yo. (Note in a year's time, he could be working and living on his own...).

Swearing is just unaccepable and not to be tolerated in any case and from anyone in the house adults, teenagers or young children.

Se[arate the issues. You can#t have a go at him for not helping around the house, eating veg and whateverelse. Choose yur battles, just like wit a toddler.
And breathe.

You will get the best results by being the calm person and the adult here.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Tue 20-Sep-11 22:02:49

He is a decent bloke. and I didnt make him eat the coleslaw, I just told him that if he didnt eat some, he wouldnt be getting chocolate. I wont be spoken to like that.

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