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To be annoyed he's still on a dating website?

(12 Posts)
CluelessAsAlways Tue 20-Sep-11 10:19:19

Met a bloke through an online dating site and have been 'dating' for a few months now. Although we've never had the exclusive chat, I was under the impression that we were in the early stages of a relationship. (Things he said lead me to believe this such as... 'I'm yours for aslong as you want me!')

I haven't really done the whole dating thing before. (Never got past a 1st date because I was over-cautious)

A friend of mine asked me to read through his online dating profile last night and when I did, the bloke I've been dating was online.

What should I do? Am I being completely unreasonable for being mightily pissed off?

Aitcherella Tue 20-Sep-11 10:22:37

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Maybe it's time for the exclusive chat to find out where you stand.

kerrymumbles Tue 20-Sep-11 10:23:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeoTheLateBloomer Tue 20-Sep-11 10:23:53

I think until you have that conversation you could both be thinking completely different things.

Definitely worth talking about it before deciding you're pissed off with him.

lubeybooby Tue 20-Sep-11 10:26:16

yanbu to be pissed off but you've got to have the talk... about exclusivity that is. Have you met any of his friends/family? Are you 'in a relationship' on each others facebook (if you both have it) or is he keeping you at arms length?

CluelessAsAlways Tue 20-Sep-11 10:26:50

Sorry, to explain the first date comment, I meant since seperating with the DC's Dad 2 years ago.

I feel like he is obviously still on the hunt for something better...

stripeytiger Tue 20-Sep-11 10:39:03

Clueless, sorry if I'm being a thick here - you said you have been "dating" for a few months, do you mean chatting on line or have you met up and been out together?

CluelessAsAlways Tue 20-Sep-11 10:50:26

No, we've been going out together for a few months. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

aldiwhore Tue 20-Sep-11 10:54:50

If you're acting as boyfriend and girlfriend, rather than the occassional casual date here and there then you need to have the chat.

A few weeks of regular face to face contact should be enough for most people to wind in the fishing rod for a while, whether you met online or not.

YANBU, but then neither is he as you've not had the chat.

itisnearlysummer Tue 20-Sep-11 10:57:18

Also, "I'm yours for as long as you want me" would suggest quite a relaxed attitude to the relationship to me.

You heard - "I want to be in a relationship with you and you will be the one to finish it with me because I don't see myself doing that"

and he, a man, 'said' - "Look, I'm in it for the sex, use and abuse me for as long as you like!"

Or words to that effect. Of course I could be very wrong, but in my experience men tend to not be at all ambiguous when they actually want a serious grown up relationship, but are quite capable of saying things that are open to interpretation when they don't want to either commit or ruin their chances.

I'd have a proper chat using proper grown up language.

Even if I'm right (which I always am at home, but not always elsewhere grin), it doesn't mean he's on the hunt for something better.

stripeytiger Tue 20-Sep-11 10:58:43

In that case Clueless I think I would be a bit pissed off - but then I'm a bit old fashioned and traditional I suppose. It does sound a bit like he is keeping his options open, but maybe he doesn't feel like this is a problem at this stage.

To avoid any hurt or misunderstanding I would have a chat to him, not so much about what he is up to, but make it clear what your expectations are and be honest with him and tell him straight that you aren't comfortable with him still on line. Hopefully then he can make a decision and things will progress or you can end the relationship if you aren't happy.

Good luck

kat2504 Tue 20-Sep-11 11:01:13

I'd say he's still on the look out I'm afraid. I've done the online thing in the past and when I met someone who I went out with for a while, I didn't go back online talking to other men. I met my partner in actual real life, but I know we both cancelled online memberships shortly afterwards.

If he was serious about you he would be making that fact more abundantly clear. You need to have a chat about this.

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