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Well, am i??

(8 Posts)
mairyhinge Mon 19-Sep-11 16:21:04

Ok, here goes.....
My emotions are screwed at the mo as mum is seriously ill in hospital,so if I am BU I'm happy to be told so...

Every year for the past 4 years hubby has gone away on a lads holiday for 3/4 nights to Magaluf (they are NOT lads, he's youngest at 45!)
Next year they are going to Benidorm, somewhere i quite fancy going myself.
The flights have to be paid by next month (£165).
We are not skint, but living month to month at the mo, and it's Christmas soon ( in case you didn't know!)
Soooo, I said I wasnt really happy about him going, I said we could use the money to pay for a family holiday, but he seems to think I'm joking, or he chooses to ignore it hmm
His argument would be, he works hard, ( he does, im disabled so don't work), and it's a "recky" to find out if its suitable for a family holiday.

I think, what made this worse and made me more upset, is that last week was our wedding anniversary, and he gets paid tomorrow, so siad he would take me out saturday after he gets paid, but he came home one day ( think it was friday) and said, "i've doubled booked, theres a lads night out saturday".
TBH with mum being in hospital and being very poorly, ( we still don't know whats wrong with her) i haven't got the strength to fight him on this, so just said " fine, go out with lads"
This was after i've arranged for my son to sleep out at his mates house sat night sad

My freind has asked if we would like to go on a mini cruise between Xmas and new yr, it's buy 1 get 1 free, 2 nights, and we could afford that ( as a family) if he wasnt paying for these flights.

So, am Ibu?? He works hard, earns the money, should he be allowed his boys trip? Or what??
And as for the anniversary night out, i KNOW i am NOT bu!!!

Further info, i have had 1 girls weekend away to Dublin, march2010, and thats IT. I'd like to domore, but cannot afford it.

DreamsOfSteam Mon 19-Sep-11 16:26:24

YANBU. If you can afford for him to go off gallavanting without you in addition to family trips than fine, but if he is doing it at the expence of his family missing out then thats deffinatly not on

ladyintheradiator Mon 19-Sep-11 16:27:46

So what happens now? 100 people can say YANBU but what are you going to do about it? He's clear about who comes first in your family.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Mon 19-Sep-11 16:32:16

YANBU He's being selfish.

40notTrendy Mon 19-Sep-11 16:32:27

Yanbu. My DH just about to go away for a couple of days. We can afford it, just, but I think what troubles me most is the lack of equality in the situation. When do I get my weekend away? hmm And actually, I'd rather do something as a family. But my DH would say exactly same as yours. I think lay out the finances and budget together what can be done in terms of treats for him, you and the family.

OpenMouthInsertFoot Mon 19-Sep-11 16:43:44

So he put a lads' night out above celebrating your wedding anniversary?

That's not very nice at all, but you did say go, and some people do just take folks at their word.

What's your relationship like generally? Loving?

aldiwhore Mon 19-Sep-11 16:53:40

YANBU... BUT>>> this is something he does every year, so I'd have no problem with that. I do think though that you should get to go somewhere with your friends.

As far as family holidays are concerned, do you get to go away at all? If not, he's BVU, if you do but its 'budget' then the scores are somewhat even because in my humble opinion, any family holiday is a good holiday!

By the way, my DH is out on a -piss up lads night out-- business meal out on our wedding anniversary, to even the balance (I wasn't happy at first) I'm going to a friend's house for dinner/wine/singstar this weekend AND next weekend (another friend), balance is restored.

I have to say that DH and I do things fairly, non discussion is met with non discussion... if he books jollies with his friends, I've got one in the bank and he wouldn't dare won't argue. Vice versa applies too.

We're going to the cinema for our wedding anniversary, midweek special cheap tickets and probably a film I can fall asleep too (bliss) but that's the deal.

If you ever think things are out of kilter, that you're owed, you need to address it. If you can't afford to have some fun too, it needs sorting. If its a case of 'where's my night out?' book one, TELL him and have fun. They don't need to be expensive either, DH spends more its true, but he does it less often... I like regular cheap fun!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 19-Sep-11 17:52:19

There's absolutely no need for your dh to go on a recce to see if Benidorm is suitable for a family vacation as many thousands of Brits and other nationalities enjoy holidays there all year round and, although you may need to choose your hotel with care, Benidorm's pavements presents little challenge for the disabled or wheelchair user.

The old town of Benidorm sits between two huge and beautifully kept beaches. If you stay in or close to the Old Town you will be ideally placed to take advantage of the Poniente beach and surrounding bars/cafes/restaurants/shops etc which are predominantly Spanish or the Levante, behind which are the areas containing the Brit bars which feature on various tv programmes.

There are two theme parks (Terra Mitica and Natura) within a short distance of the town and also two water parks. It's well worth hiring a car to explore the surrounding countryside and have lunch in the the little village of Taberna which is up in the hills.

Benidorm offers something for all ages and pockets. It is eminently enjoyable for an off season break, especially in the week before Ash Wednesday when the whole town is in carnival mode prior to the Entierra de la Sardina (burial of the sardine), or in September when the annual fiesta of the Moors and Christians takes place.

A lot of people seem to look down their noses at the prospect of a holiday in Benidorm, but I take the view that it's somewhat like Las Vegas in that it has to be seen and experienced at least once in a lifetime and I have very fond memories of my stays there.

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