...to get so wound up by my mother!(11 Posts)
I know she means well, but she drives me crazy. She is so anxious about everything, my DD is too hot, too, cold, hungry, ill, dehydrated, doesn't get enough exercise, hasn't eaten enough, hasn't drunk enough or slept enough. the most common phrase out of my mouth is "Mum, she's fine." I have had several 'talks' with her, and many arguements, none of which seem to imporved the situation.
Some of it is a control issue, she tries to control me by telling me that my DD needs something that I am obvioursly not providing enough of, or that I haven't acted in a way she wants me to.
When it is a health issue, I have either gone to the doctor and looked stupid in front of the doctor when I knew there was nothing wrong, but Mum wanted me to check it out.
ARGH it annoys me still even writing it all down!
And before someone mentions that I sould be glad I have a Mum around - I am, very glad, she does some wonderful things, and I tell her that too.
Also I have tried to not let it get to me, but it does, so if anyone has a magic way of 'not letting it get to me' then please let me know!
Tell her the story of the boy who cried wolf?
look at her and think of her as women ( e.g everytime you think of her refer her as Suzan not ''MUM'') i bet you will see different side of the situation .....my mother does some stupid things it use to get to me but not anymore since i adopted this method ..hope it helps.
Was she like this with you when you were growing up?
You need to find some fiest.
YANBU... my mother winds me up something rotten too... but you HAVE to find a way to (in DH's words) 'man up' or in my words 'deal with it without it causing more shit'.
Confidence. And a few 'yes mum, but you last had a baby X years ago and times have moved on, we know a lot more now and are better equipped' comments won't go amiss... even if its not strictly true, we're all mothers and all get it wrong at time after all, that'll never change!
Unless of course you fuck up spectacularly... in which case, learn to take the flak. Like I had to when after reaching RARGH point and gave mum a very high horse patronising lecture the minute before DS2 dislocated his shoulder (it happens) and I wrapped the wrong arm up in my 'panic'
mother induced distracted state of panic
I once had to tell my (very lovely and loving but sometimes infuriating) mother I just wasn't going to reassure her any more-if she was worried, she would have to carry that worry by herself. It worked.
talk to your mil if she is friendly and get her to talk to your mum about how it is good to be a doting granny without any parental responsibilitys and maybe drop hints how your mother in law thinks you are doing a good job raising your child and your mums grandchild
Gransnet - it is full of help for worried Grannies. They'll tell her so you don't have to.
Hi Lizzie - I am a mother of adult kids and I do get anxious about things but I never say anything to my sons or dils! I am wondering - does your mom have anxiety over other things, or is it just about your child. I notice someone has asked if she was anxious when you were growing up.
If she suffering from anxiety "across the board" then she needs to see her GP to get some help/support - maybe meds. I suffered a major episode of depression last Easter and I still get bouts of depression and anxiety from time to time, but I am on meds which have helped enormously.
If it just manifests itself in the way you describe, I'm not sure what to say really. Is this her first grandchild. Speaking from experience the birth of grandchildren (especially the first) sort of re-awakens all the feelings from long ago when you were a young mum, it's the agony and the ectasy all over again and you do sometimes almost feel like the baby is yours, but it does pass.
What you need to do is to sit down and say: "mum you had your go at being a mother and look at me, this is how I turned out. I am messed up and can't even function without you. Do you want the same for my child?"
Actually, don't say that. I was tempted to say that to my mother at one point but instead I put a bit of distance between us and now we have a much better relationship for it.
YANBU. Mine is the same. She's always been a pessimistic 'can't do' type and the sort that sees danger around every corner. Same as you, I've tried telling her off, having gentle chats and I think I've now settled for 'ignore the mad old bat' or I'd be constantly wound up. Living 200 miles from her helps a lot. Good luck
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