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to think that I would be able to work FT?

(30 Posts)
NacMacFeegle Mon 19-Sep-11 13:35:12

Single mum, 3 children, one with mild additional needs (mentioned for clarity only!), youngest 2, eldest 8.

Job is term time only, 60 mile round trip away, working in quite a challenging environment.

WDYT, mumsnet jury?

Cons that I can see - never seeing children (will be out of the house 7-5), loss of contact with DC's school (it's helpful IMO to see them each day) and children being with CM each day. They spend Sat night with their father. I would literally not see them. And I'll be KNACKERED.

BUT I really want to do it, it's a dream job. AIBU to want to do this?

squeakytoy Mon 19-Sep-11 13:38:36

Its not practical, unless you can move nearer to the job maybe.

It isnt unreasonable to want to do it, but it really doesnt sound like it would be a feasible option.

A 60 mile trip is a lot on a daily basis, even harder in winter. Your children are young and you would be missing out on their lives as well as them missing out on having you in it.

Fiendishlie Mon 19-Sep-11 13:38:41

It might be a dream job, but it sounds like you would be miserable. I don't think I would do it, but others will probably come along and say if you don't try it you'll never know.

CMOTdibbler Mon 19-Sep-11 13:39:59

yanbu - you'll see them for a good two hours every evening, a proprtion of the weekend (and be able to get all your cleaning done when they aren't there so it will be quality time) and all the school holidays. Sounds pretty good to me tbh

holidaysoon Mon 19-Sep-11 13:40:20

can you ask ex to change his night maybe offer him two weeknights?!!
Can you work weekends rather than weekdays or would flexitime help?
Can you move closer?

how bad is the work environment?

good luck with deciding whatever you decide there will be times when you feel guilty be kind to yourself

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 19-Sep-11 13:43:41

And you'd have holidays.

Any chance of renegotiating custody so he sees them every second weekend but has them during some of the week?

YANBU to want it....but it sounds like it is going to be unsustainable for any period of time....sorry!!

cornflowers Mon 19-Sep-11 13:45:02

Good suggestion holidaysoon!

PopcornMouse Mon 19-Sep-11 13:52:30

YANBU to want to work, to better your lives financially, or to have a career and life of your own. But is it practical?

I did that drive for a year, and though an hour each way (assuming it's motorway?) doesn't sound far, the reality is that on top of a full day working, it's hard.

Can exP take them on a weeknight or two instead? or even a Friday night instead of Saturday? Is there any possibility of relocation?

NacMacFeegle Mon 19-Sep-11 13:57:42

No feasible relocation, DS1 happy and settled, not risking it! XH prefers not to have them when he's working, but alternate Friday/ Sat might work :s

I worked FT from DD was 6 wks until DS2
was 8 months, but without commute.

Hols are good here, 9 weeks in the summer! No option of flexi, no sports days off etc.

I think I have to go for it, really. Would love to be off benefits (currently on WTC and CTC as PT on a min wage job)

porcamiseria Mon 19-Sep-11 14:08:05

why not try it? I think the fact that its term time sways me, and unlike most mums that work FT you will get holidays with them.

and home by 5pm every day, thats great! I get home later than you, and I still feel like I have time with 2

what happens if any of them fall sick? have you a plan

good luck and good for you I say

mumblechum1 Mon 19-Sep-11 14:17:13

Term time only sounds fab!

I do a fifty mile trip every day and it only takes me 40 mins (mainly motorway). You'll be home by 5 every night, so only an hour or so after your kids get home, and if you can get some flexibility from your ex, then go for it.

You'll be off with them for what, 16 weeks a year? That's a third of the year!

eurochick Mon 19-Sep-11 14:21:59

Try it. Plenty of my friends work FT with kids and are out of the house for a similar amount of time. It would be reasonable for the ex to alternate Saturdays with you though if you are both working FT.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 19-Sep-11 14:22:01

XH might 'prefer' that you are working fulltime, though, won't that ease his own financial commitment? (Or doesn't it? I'm not clear on whether maintenance is dependent on custodial parent's income). And anyway, it's a bit ridiculous that you can't accept your dream job because he prefers not to have his own children during the week. That's worth pushing back on, surely?

NacMacFeegle Mon 19-Sep-11 14:33:22

He doesn't pay maintenance anyway atm, so not even bothering to factor it in!

pinkdelight Mon 19-Sep-11 14:42:04

Your XH is lucky that you take his preference into account. What about your work? As I see it, if you got this job, your circumstances would change and you would be well within your rights to renegotiate so he has them for a weekday or two. You're both the parents, you both work, it needs compromise.

pinkdelight Mon 19-Sep-11 14:42:35

"He doesn't pay maintenance anyway atm, so not even bothering to factor it in!"

Then he's even more lucky. And a git, if you don't mind me saying.

NacMacFeegle Mon 19-Sep-11 14:45:38

Not at all pinkdelight, something I say myself on a regular basis!

laptopdancer Mon 19-Sep-11 14:49:02

Is there anyway you could take it and renegotiate hours after you are settled in?

NacMacFeegle Mon 19-Sep-11 15:00:44

Tricky - it's teaching. I'll ask about jobshare though.

aleene Mon 19-Sep-11 15:04:51

Are you going to have prep and planning and correcting to do in the evening? You have to factor that in too.

NacMacFeegle Mon 19-Sep-11 15:08:09

Yep, but I'm used to that - it will get done evenings/ weekends/ holidays!

SwingingBetty Mon 19-Sep-11 15:37:32

what would be best for your children?

messydeskmessymind Mon 19-Sep-11 15:43:14

go for it. if it doesn't work out after a couple of terms you can reconsider (and give them plenty of notice to recruit). Better to try and then find it doesn't work than to pass up the chance and forever wonder.

JugsMcGee Mon 19-Sep-11 15:49:38

I have a 50 mile round trip commute and am also out of the house 7-5. Currently on maternity leave but will be going back part time. Not sure I could do it full time, especially if DS was away on a Saturday too. If you and exH are working FT then do you think he'd compromise to have the DC on a work night too? It would be fairer that way.

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