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or is it a bit cheeky to ask people who are only invited to your evening do to contribute towards your honeymoon?

(266 Posts)
Smellyanne Mon 19-Sep-11 12:10:27

and if IABU how much is acceptable to give?

CharlotteBronteSaurus Mon 19-Sep-11 12:12:15

ooh, are we going to the same evening do? grin
<watches thread with pen poised over chequebook>

slavetofilofax Mon 19-Sep-11 12:12:40

It's cheeky to ask anyone to contibute to your honeymoon, whether you invite them all day or all week. People should fund their own honeymoons, and asking for contibutions towards a holiday that your guests may not be able to afford for themselves is particularly vulgar.

I would give a photo frame, or a tenner, max.

TrillianAstra Mon 19-Sep-11 12:12:52

Are they actually asking? Or is it a case of "if you would like to give us a gift we'd prefer you did this..."?

Shanghaidiva Mon 19-Sep-11 12:13:28

FFS - they should pay for their own bloody honeymoon!

BodyUnknown Mon 19-Sep-11 12:19:34

I'm going to a wedding soon and the couple have stated 'your presence is gift enough, but if you would like to give us something, we would really appreciate a donation towards our honeymoon'. Donation is anonymous so no oneupmanship/embarassment. I don't see a problem with it, whether you're invited to the ceremony or the reception/evening do only. I don't think couples are so interested in John Lewis candlesticks anymore.

fanjobanjowanjo Mon 19-Sep-11 12:19:37

I don't think it's unreasonable, just give what you can. Nowt wrong with a tenner in a card!

WiiUnfit Mon 19-Sep-11 12:26:47

I don't think it is cheeky to have a 'your gift is your presence but if you do want to give us a gift then...' as a lot of people will want to give them something & if they are already co-habiting then crockery or cutlery just isn't useful really!

But to outright ask for money towards it is yes.

WiiUnfit Mon 19-Sep-11 12:27:56

Oh & Smelly, I would give friends a gift even if I was 'only invited to your evening do'. You have still been invited to a party they or their families have paid for, I expect they'll be a buffet or similar?

Smellyanne Mon 19-Sep-11 12:30:33

My friend told me verbally that they were asking for money towards the honeymoon...

SimoneD Mon 19-Sep-11 12:30:42

We went to a wedding recently where we were asked to contribue to the honeymoon fund. I dont see any problem with this at all, surely most people give money for a wedding gift nowadays? I dont see any point in giving them a gift that they dont want or need instead. I usually give £20 for evening reception invite.

harassedandherbug Mon 19-Sep-11 12:32:40

If they can't afford a honeymoon, then they don't have one!

I hate giving money as a wedding gift, but have done so. Normally £20.

ENormaSnob Mon 19-Sep-11 12:34:32

Was the request in with the invitation?

Was it a poem?

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 19-Sep-11 12:35:45

Its cheeky and graspin full stop. If they want a honeymoon then they should pay for it not the guests, i'd have declined the invite based on the request alone.

Badtasteflump Mon 19-Sep-11 12:36:34

This kind of thing really winds me up!

I think an invitation should be just that - an invitation - not a request for money or a gift. I just think it's crass and completely unnecessary. If somebody wants to give the couple getting married a gift, they will do so, whether prompted to or not. Asking for something is just rude IMO.

And yes, when I got married I didn't ask for anything. And we paid for our own honeymoon!

buggerlugs82 Mon 19-Sep-11 12:37:31

We asked for money towards our honeymoon and got some lovely gifts too. Surely you'd prefer to stick £20 in a card rather than buy them something they may never use after?

Each to their own but i'd get them a Wedding day yankee candle for a gift, never fails to impress newly married folk and not too expensive.

Badtasteflump Mon 19-Sep-11 12:38:14

Ooh we had one like that Enora - can't remember the poem exactly but it was very icky.

I ignored it and gave them a bottle of champagne.

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 19-Sep-11 12:39:20

grasping even blush will teach me to read before I post.

mnistooaddictive Mon 19-Sep-11 12:40:13

It depends on the situation. I had done friends do this, but they wanted a few nights in a b and b somewhere. They had no money and hadn't had a holiday ever. I didn't mind thus. They would probably have been better spending the money on something else bug that was there choice. Contributing towards someone's 3 week safari in Africa is not on and I wouldn't do it.

Stoirin Mon 19-Sep-11 12:42:38

oh god, not another "how dare people expect to get a present for an event everyone knows you give presents for" thread? Isn't british angst Wedding Season over for the year?

piprabbit Mon 19-Sep-11 12:43:00

buggerlugs82 - it sounds like you have lovely friends, especially if they kept a straight face while thanking you for the Yankee Candle.

I think it's odd asking for money towards a honeymoon, but as a guest I am happy to buy the couple anything they want so long as I can stick to my budget and it is not illegal or morally repugnant. If you were going to spend £20 on them anyway, then just donate £20 to the honeymoon fund. Why would it matter to you if the money were spent on a cake slice or a couple of hours on a beach?

squeakytoy Mon 19-Sep-11 12:45:07

we were invited to an evening reception recently that requested the same thing.. it cost a small fortune for us to get there, the drinks at the bar were extorniate prices (£8 for a bacardi) and £5 for a pint of lager... and no buffet food...

we gave them a card.. with no money in it!

We got married because we wanted to be married to each other, not for the gifts..

Badtasteflump Mon 19-Sep-11 12:45:40

I agree actually , mnistoo - the last one we has asking for money towards the honeymoon was for 3 weeks in Bali - they included a little print out of the 'luxury resort' they were staying in shock

We were also invited to a wedding last year where they enclosed a link to their wedding list - the cheapest item on it was £50 shock shock

TheFlyingOnion Mon 19-Sep-11 12:47:38

cheeky.

You want a holiday, you pay for it....

Smellyanne Mon 19-Sep-11 12:48:41

How rude Stoirin ,no-one forced you to open the thread...

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