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to have bought a birthday present in the sale?

(209 Posts)
artigiano Mon 19-Sep-11 11:51:53

I bought my two year old niece a pure silk and beaded dress from John Lewis for her birthday. It is exactly the sort of dress she would wear. I also bought one for my own DD2 whose birthday is around the same time because I thought they were so gorgeous. DD1 and I spent an hour choosing those dresses together. They were in the sale and were originally £40 and I bought them for £20 each. To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to spend any more since I feel that children of that age outgrow clothes so quickly and it seems wasteful to spend more on something they will wear a handful of times (and will probably stain immediately).

My mother then speaks to me, very upset indeed and tells me that my brother and sister in law have asked her to pass on a message that they wish me to return the dress since they don't like their children wearing"discount" clothes. My sister in law had actually made the effort to go to the shop to check how much I had spent!!! If I had spent the full £40, the present would have been acceptable to her.

I feel so upset and humiliated.

I just buy their children things that I would buy my own and that I think they would like. In fact , I usually buy their daughter what I have bought my own DD2 for her birthday.

I quite often buy my own children things I have bought in the sale: I gave my DD1 a bag (reduced to £20) from the Cath Kidston sale for her birthday. Again, this is something I would not have bought full price.

To make matters worse, my brother and sister in law have bought my DC some pretty horrible things (eg a bizarre candle making set designed for adults) and did not acknowledge my DD1's spring birthday this year at all. I have never said anything to them and tbh this doesn't bother me. i always accept presents with a thanks and a smile, always. It is just basic good manners isn't it?

Was I unreasonable to have bought a birthday present in the sale? Should I have spent more? I feel so humiliated. I can't face seeing them. What shall I do now?

aldiwhore Mon 19-Sep-11 11:53:40

You're being bullied and belittled by your family. This isn't about a perfectly good dress or you not spending enough, its about control.

Stop letting them walk all over you and your feelings.

There is nothing wrong with a sale bought dress, there's nothing wrong with buying a charity shop dress either!!

TopazMortmain Mon 19-Sep-11 11:54:16

Your SIL is insane!

sparkle12mar08 Mon 19-Sep-11 11:54:48

This is very easy. No you should not have spent more, and you should return the dress and keep the money, and tell them to sod off. Ungrateful, spiteful idiots.

nenevomito Mon 19-Sep-11 11:56:02

Take the dress, take it back to the shop and use the £20 to buy something nice for your DD or yourself.

I never understand why anyone would feel humiliated because someone else has been hideously rude and bad mannered.

Pissed off, angry and thinking they were utter knobbers yes. Upset and humiliated by their lack of manners? No.

JugsMcGee Mon 19-Sep-11 11:57:43

Return the dress and keep the money. Idiots.

Was your mum upset with you?

crystalglasses Mon 19-Sep-11 11:58:22

You have no need to feel humiliated and are clearly a kind and well meaning aunt. I am shocked at you db and sil - their attitude stinks and they should feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Anyway who's to know that you didn't pay the full price for the dress? They don't even have the guts to tell you to your face. I'm fuming on your behalf!

I always buy things in sales for my dc and my nieces as i couldn't afford the lovely things I give them if they were full price.

Dawndonna Mon 19-Sep-11 12:00:27

Sorry, but they need to be told to fuck right off! What abominable manners. Rude and selfish people are best ignored.
Oh, and I buy all my Christmas and birthday pressies in sales, starting in January, and going through to the summer sales etc. I think about things and don't buy trash, but if I think it's something a particular person would like, I buy it and put it in the pressie cupboard.
Honestly, tell them to stuff it and don't bother buying the family anything again, ever.

stepawayfromtheecclescakes Mon 19-Sep-11 12:00:33

shes a fuckwit, take it back and keep the money then in future just buy a token gift £20 is too much IMO

woowoo2 Mon 19-Sep-11 12:02:00

They sound completely crazy, ungrateful and vile to me

As others have said, return the dress and use the money to buy yourself/dd something nice

Honeydragon Mon 19-Sep-11 12:03:09

their behaviour is disgusting!

spookshowangellovesit Mon 19-Sep-11 12:04:08

i buy pressies on ebay, in charity shops or where ever i see something nice. your family are being cut faces pure and simple. my children dont were discount clothes....what a total bitch.
you seem a lovely thoughtful gift buyer.

spookshowangellovesit Mon 19-Sep-11 12:04:29

that was suppose to be cunt faces

aliceliddell Mon 19-Sep-11 12:04:44

Your family are fools, OP. Fools.

Tewkespeggy Mon 19-Sep-11 12:05:45

i agree with those who say your SIL is mad and that it was a perfectly acceptable present.

MrsRobertDuvall Mon 19-Sep-11 12:05:46

How rude.
Why does present giving cause such angst?
Just don't buy anything for them again and tell them why.

Hope you do that for Christmas.

porcamiseria Mon 19-Sep-11 12:07:14

they are complete and utter cunts, I have the utmost synpathy for you having them in your family

I say tell them to fuck off and die, but as they are family you cant


but I am suprised you are "humiliated" and not "fucking furious"

dont be a victim OP!!!!!

NestaFiesta Mon 19-Sep-11 12:09:11

Stick the dress up your sister in law's arsehole.

pootlebug Mon 19-Sep-11 12:09:50

Unbelievably rude. And frankly unbelievably weird and snobby too. Please do not feel 'humiliated' - there is absolutely no reason. I have bought things in sales (and on ebay, and in charity shops) for myself, my kids, other people. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't.

DeWe Mon 19-Sep-11 12:10:28


My children always have a number of second hand stuff for presents from us. I wouldn't do that for someone elses child, but mine know that it means a better present than what we could afford.

Say sorry, get the dress back and then send them a note saying you're using the money to buy YOUR daughter the present THEY didn't buy.
<disclaimer, actually I wouldn't because I'm too much of a wuss, but I wouldn't buy them something else>

stealthsquiggle Mon 19-Sep-11 12:10:53

FGS. Presents bought in sale more are than reasonable - why on earth did your SIL check up on it in the first place?! I feel that if I get a present in a sale it is a bonus for the recipient as I spend (generally) the same as I would have done but they get something better/nicer/bigger for it. I would take the same attitude for things for my DC (from me or from other poeple) - and it would never cross my mind to judge a present on that basis.

Return the dress for store credit and send that (if and only if you feel so inclined) to them to spend as they see fit.

moajab Mon 19-Sep-11 12:10:55

Your brother and SIL are being so unreasonable that I feel really angry on your behalf! They should be the ones to feel embarressed at facing your after their appalling manners and ingratitude. Your gift sounds lovely - I feel sorry for your niece that she will not be allowed to enjoy it.

I hope your DD enjoys her dress - make sure a photo of her wearing it looking stunning is prominently displayed at your and your mum's house!

Shanghaidiva Mon 19-Sep-11 12:11:44

No reason for you to be embarrassed - sil and brother have been very rude. FFS - who checks how much a present cost?
Sound like a lovely gift - and the fact you bought one for your own dd indicates that this was not a 'let's just get any old crap in the sale' type of gift.
Agree with other posters - your sil is quite bonkers. Also can't believe your mum passed on the message.

porcamiseria Mon 19-Sep-11 12:11:47

is your mu upset with them, or upset at you? why is she even upset

I hope she is upset that her son has married a rude ungrateful cow!!!!!

PopcornMouse Mon 19-Sep-11 12:12:08

Omg, YADNBU!! Perfectly acceptable to buy from the sales. You set yourself a £20 budget and got a £40 dress for it - that can only be a good thing, right???

Do not feel humiliated. They should feel humiliated for being such snobs.

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