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AIBU to want someone else...

(24 Posts)
KimmySparkle Sun 18-Sep-11 15:50:54

Have posted about this before in relationships section...
To cut a long story short i have a major crush on dps friend who is recently separated.
DP and i are not on the best relationship terms,he can be aggressive bullying and sometimes has left me with zero confidence ,says im useless because i havent got a job,<im a sahm> has called me fat <cellulite legs to be exact>and has ordered me to leave everytime we have a row ...its his house etc..hes 41 im 30 been together 10 years 1dc .
Anyways i cant stop thinking about this man ,he listens to me talk and is respectful and thats not something i get at home...
Didnt sleep a wink last night thinking how unhappy i am and im considering contacting this man via f/b although he probably wont be interested..
thanks for reading

MiseryBusiness Sun 18-Sep-11 15:57:03

I'm sorry that the relationship that you have with your DP is so awful, I really feel for you there but I think YWBU to contact his friend on Facebook.

If you are truly unhappy you need to get the courage to leave DP before even thinking about any other men.

Talker2010 Sun 18-Sep-11 15:59:03

If you have such a poor relationship then end it

Why bring someone else into this and create more mess

lubeybooby Sun 18-Sep-11 16:00:44

Take the other man out of the equation totally, and what you are left with is a relationship you need to leave regardless of whether you will be seeing anyone else or not.

Sort out ending your relationship first, then when you are settled elsewhere, single and free then you can think about other possible relationships.

notherdaynotherdollar Sun 18-Sep-11 16:02:23

hgt rid of one eejit before you take on another one otherwise it will end it tears, mark my words

cheesesarnie Sun 18-Sep-11 16:02:45

if you want to end it then do so.dont start an affair and make it all a hundred times more unhappy.

ilovesooty Sun 18-Sep-11 16:06:03

I agree. Address the shortcomings in your own relationship before you think about starting another one.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 18-Sep-11 16:06:03

Not everyone has a lack of moral scruple and he probably won't be interested in cheating on his friend.

Have you thought about what would happen if he told your dp you'd made advances to him?

Why are you looking for someone to rescue you when you can easily save yourself?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 18-Sep-11 16:08:13

If you want advice on breaking free from your dp, post again in Relatioships.

ChippingIn Sun 18-Sep-11 16:09:33

Your relationship sounds dire and I'd be long gone.

As everyone else has said, get out of this one first before you even think about getting into another one. Apart from anything else - you need to be clear this is about his shortcomings & not yours!

Kayano Sun 18-Sep-11 16:17:45

Leave your DP then.
Don't cheat.
End of.

NinkyNonker Sun 18-Sep-11 16:35:37

Surely you leave one relationship before going to the next? The other man may not be as appealing when he isn't forbidden fruit anyway.

Grandhighpoohba Sun 18-Sep-11 17:14:28

Thing is, in all probability, you don't really have a crush on this bloke really - what you have is a distraction from a shit relationship with your DH. It's easier to fantasise about a new, nicer bloke than face up to the fact that the man you are with is a bit of an arsehole. Acting on this fantasy will not make your life better - it will just make the relationship you are in worse, and the ending of it much, much messier, and harder for your DC. Chances are, the new bloke isn't as great as you think he his. If he is that great, he will still be around if you separate from DH first.

You need to be brave and sort your life out yourself - get away from this man who treats you like crap.

StarGazerVictoria Tue 20-Sep-11 21:16:34

OP here,i name changed .Sitting here in tears because i feel so sad and lonely ,havent eaten or slept right for 5 days now so wine and sleeping pills it is for tonight.
Going to save for a deposit to move out ,i feel this house is a self made prison ,which i suppose it is because ive stayed too long.
I thought maybe i could work things out with dp and get over these feelings ,but i dont feel anything for him whatsoever.
Ive moved on to fb stalking this guy now ,yes im an ultimate saddo...
hopefully things will get easier soon

SnapesMistress Tue 20-Sep-11 21:47:12

Save as much as you can quickly, it will get worse once he realises you want to leave.

StarGazerVictoria Wed 21-Sep-11 15:04:42

Has anyone experienced this and come through it ????????

mumsamilitant Wed 21-Sep-11 15:20:00

No, haven't experienced it but I wouldn't go there if I were you. Good advice has been given and "close one door, before you open another" is really the way to go OP.

Good luck though and a big hug to get through it.

StarGazerVictoria Sat 24-Sep-11 18:30:48

Well guess what..hes got a gf now...cant say im surprised though,feel like such a bloody idiot..i could cry ..suppose i wish id said something now,feel like getting in the car driving away and never coming back ...

NinkyNonker Sat 24-Sep-11 18:35:14

It has shown you how you really feel about your relationship though, which is valuable. Leave your current partner if he makes you unhappy, take some time to re-evaluate and then look for someone new/someone new will find you.

OpenMouthInsertFoot Sat 24-Sep-11 18:37:47

Are you looking for someone to 'rescue' you from a bad relationship? Because really, that's the wrong approach. If you are unhappy - then act.

And you sound really unhappy, and treated like crap and I'm sorry about that - but get out!

And - if the man you are with is so terrible, have you not given a thought to the risk to you if you stay with him but put feelers out to someone else? I really don't think it's wise.

Xenia Sat 24-Sep-11 18:45:21

May be even think of getting a full time job if you're going to have to support yourself and your child soon. You aren't married so you;'ll have none of the entitlements post a split of someone married.

TrillianAstra Sat 24-Sep-11 19:00:39

YABU

If you are unhappy in your relationship, end it.

Take some time to sort yourself out - this guy may be better than your current DP but you need to figure out if you want to be with him or if you just don't want to be with current DP.

troisgarcons Sat 24-Sep-11 19:04:42

You need to take stock of your own life.

My personal advice? you seem to need a man ....'DP' isn't what you would wish for, so leave if he's that abusive ...... his mate isn't a replacement.

You don't need a man to be valued.


Why are we posting on this? its 5 days old and no OP return

StarGazerVictoria Sat 24-Sep-11 19:24:29

i am the op..i namechanged..like i say hes with someone now im not looking for a replacement ,i just like him and developed feelings for him ,ive tried to forget gone to college meeting friends more etc ,and its so difficult ...i want to move out, untill i have enough money for furniture and deps etc im stuck here and it aint nice...

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