to just want to set some ground rules?

[cheeseandmarmitesandwich]

DH and DD1 (age 3) are going on holiday next week with my inlaws and his brother and kids. I was supposed to go too but due to work stuff I can't, so me and the baby are staying at home.

I thought I was ok with it but as the time approaches I am getting really stressed about DD being so far away from me. It will be her 1st proper foreign holiday, 1st time on a plane, they are staying in a villa with a pool. I keep getting myself worried about things like safety in the pool, what if she wanders off on the beach etc. DH is a great dad, but his style of parenting is a lot more... relaxed, shall we say.

I just want us to set some ground rules, eg NO going in the pool without an adult (BIL's kids are older so I'm worried he might just let all the kids play in the pool together and not keep a close eye on her), making sure doors in the villa etc are shut or locked so she can't wander off to the pool alone, not letting her go off with her cousins on the beach without an adult, etc.

Every time I try to have a conversation about this DH either makes a joke of it or gets offended that I think he won't look after her.

AIBU to just want to agree on some groundrules together, just for my own peace of mind? Or am I just being paranoid?

[Andrewofgg]

Since you won't be there to enforce any ground-rules he might "agree to" you are just stressing yourself out without any point.

Either you trust this group of adults or you don't. The holiday is happening so you do. Leave them to it.

[SequinsAndSparkles]

YANBU, I'd be terrified too, my DH is also a more 'relaxed' parent, and not too quick off the mark with things regarding safety, so I'd be worried too. You just need to sit him down and say 'Please just listen to me' and explain that he might feel you are being silly, but for your own peace of mind you need to say these things, and you need him to promise to stick by what you say.

[BatsUpMeNightie]

Well look - on the one hand your concerns are understandable but you can make him promise to keep to ground rules till you're blue in the face - you're not going to be there to enforce it. He might just say yeah yeah yeah to stop you going on! Has he got form for not looking after her properly?

[WipsGlitter]

You might just have to chill. You could set the rules but you won't be there to enforce them and if you keep going in your DH could throw the head up and be even more lax as if to prove you worry for nothing. I would have one last conversation with him and then leave it. Can you even go for some of it?

[seeker]

How would you feel if you were taking her on holiday and he wanted to sit you down and lay down ground rules for how you looked after her?

[cheeseandmarmitesandwich]

Bats, 'form' would be a bit harsh but he's definitely the type of dad who thinks it's fantastic if she climbs to the highest bit of the climbing frame meant for kids twice her age while I'm the kind of mum who stands at the bottom sccreeching 'get down, be careful!' I swear he just thinks she's indestructible.

I don't have a problem at all with him looking after her alone, it's just that it's a totally new situation, I mean she's never had a swimming pool in the back garden before! So I can just imagine her being so overexcited she might decide she wants to go swimming at 6am when everyone else is asleep despite not normally being the kind of kid who would do that.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

YABU You have to trust that DH will look after her and that, if he slips up, there will be plenty of other adults on hand besides. Talk to all the adults to make sure. No situation is 100% safe. She could go swimming at 6am if you were there, quite easily.