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To not let dd go to a sleepover in a rough area?

(246 Posts)
mrsshears Sat 17-Sep-11 12:32:18

My dd is nearly 14,she has made friends with a girl who lives in a very deprived rough area of town(think stabbings,shootings etc).
I have no problem with this,the friend is a nice girl(admittedly i have only seen her a handful of times but on each occasion she was lovely)
I have never met her parents.
I have said to dd since she met this friend that there would be no option of dd going to this friends house and that her friend would always have to come to dd.Dd has been invited to a sleepover at this girls house tonight to which i have said in no uncertain terms,no way.
I have however said that this friend can come to us for a sleepover,dd thinks im being really unreasonable not letting her go,i have explained my reasons and said that it will always be a no and that wont change.
What do you think?

FagButt Sat 17-Sep-11 12:34:52

The problem you have is that the area is rough, not the family in question. Would they be staying in? Will the parents be there? If they go out are the parents going with them?

I would allow my child to go as it would be pretty harsh to the other girl in thinking she lives in a bad place. Your child will be safe if the parents are there.

niceguy2 Sat 17-Sep-11 12:35:17

YABU

magicmummy1 Sat 17-Sep-11 12:35:57

Don't know the area or your dd (or her friend), so it's a bit hard to judge. But I think you're B a bit U. You sound like a bit of a snob tbh. Sorry.

Would it reassure you if you could meet the friend's parents first?

Bloodymary Sat 17-Sep-11 12:37:20

I would not allow it without first meeting the parents.

DoMeDon Sat 17-Sep-11 12:37:23

YANBU if it is as rough as it sounds. I would reconsider if I met the parents and trusted them to be utterly responsible.

DoMeDon Sat 17-Sep-11 12:38:09

Why is it snobby to state a fact - shooting/stabbing sounds like something which would be reported - hence not snobbery but caution.

worraliberty Sat 17-Sep-11 12:38:15

YABU unless you think the family is going to let the girls walk the streets all night.

mumblechum1 Sat 17-Sep-11 12:38:17

I think YABU. Meet the parents first by all means, and check that they won't be allowed to wander around the area after dark, other than that I think you should let her go.

ImperialBlether Sat 17-Sep-11 12:38:22

I wouldn't let a school age child go to a sleepover unless I knew their parents.

usualsuspect Sat 17-Sep-11 12:39:09

YABU

mrsshears Sat 17-Sep-11 12:39:53

It is very bad,like i said shootings,stabbings and muggings are not uncommon.
I would certainly not feel safe there myself.

Stoirin Sat 17-Sep-11 12:40:52

Unless there are shootings and stabbings inside her house, YABU.

DoMeDon Sat 17-Sep-11 12:41:31

Then it is a no brainer for me. I did all I could to move out of an area like that, I would send DC back into it. You do not know what could happen. Bricks through wrong window were not uncommon!

Talker2010 Sat 17-Sep-11 12:41:47

I think that you may have a point

magicmummy1 Sat 17-Sep-11 12:42:53

OP, would your dd be wandering around outside in this area, or would she be at her friend's house? Could you drop her off there and pick her up again?

I think it's reasonable to want to meet the parents but wrong to judge them on the area in which they live. Maybe they can't afford to live anywhere else.

mollymole Sat 17-Sep-11 12:43:24

i would ALWAYS want to meet the parents before allowing a sleep over anywhere, but, if the parents are OK and both the sleepover children and the parents are going to be on the premises (not out anywhere else)at all times then the area would be irrelevant to me

soverylucky Sat 17-Sep-11 12:44:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy Sat 17-Sep-11 12:44:36

You are being unreasonable, and also a snob. You are also risking your daughter lying to you when she goes out, if she feels that you are being over protective.

People get shot and stabbed in wealthy areas too.. crime is not just in "rough" areas.

If you are dropping her off at the girls house, and they are staying in at night, what harm do you think will come to her, it shouldnt make a difference what the area is like.

DoMeDon Sat 17-Sep-11 12:45:45

But just sometimes the families in the rough area are rough - the DD may be nice but the parents might be like Shameless. I would ahve to meet them <happy to be snobby>

mrsshears Sat 17-Sep-11 12:45:53

I'm not judging them magicmummy
It would be difficult for dd to tell this girl that she had to stay in her house,i think it would be awkward for her.

usualsuspect Sat 17-Sep-11 12:46:24

I live in what many on MN would consider to be a rough area .My DCs have had many friends sleepover ,none of them got stabbed or shot

Maryz Sat 17-Sep-11 12:48:05

You are punishing a child for the area she lives in shock. I feel sorry for her - if she comes from an area like this, but is a nice kid she deserves admiration. Quite apart from the fact that you are deciding that other parents aren't good enough because of where they live.

There may be violence in the area, but surely not inside the house hmm. You can drive her there and collect her.

If you don't let your dd go to anyone's house for a sleepover if you haven't met them, then fine, don't (but that may have to change soon, dd is 15 and has a lot of friends whose parents I have only talked to on the phone). If you normally let her go, yabu.

spookshowangellovesit Sat 17-Sep-11 12:48:49

yabu drop her off and pick her up. all you are saying to her friend and her parents is my daughter is to good to come to your place but she can totally come here. not a good way to build friendships. obviously her friend hasnt been mugged or shot or stabbed yet so her parents are doing an ok job of keeping her safe. they can prob manage to keep your daughter safe for one night too.

DoMeDon Sat 17-Sep-11 12:50:56

I love this surely not inside the house stuff. I wasn't allowed to stay over at my BF's anymore when I witnessed her 'rough' dad, puch her 'rough' mum, in thier 'rough' area house (have overused the '' but I jsut want to say I never thought of them as rough - I liked the family but they were what others would be calling rough on MN).

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