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to have imagined that 5 years after the birth of first child, I'd have found a good hang out buddy in the land of local motherhood?

(142 Posts)
yadahyadah Fri 16-Sep-11 22:50:44

Christ, school has started and with it the pick-up/drop-off hell of skirting round the mums whose parenting I happen to not agree with but don't make a deal out of it, but who in turn call my self assured daughter 'bossy' in an "only jokin, just havin a laff" way that makes me wish for a sniper unit as my backup.

I have friends from school (only 1, I'm no prom freak) a couple from university and many from working life (but not too many - I'm not flesh-pressing networker from hell) but in the land of motherhood I have been sadly dismayed at the lack of quality my kind of womanhood out here.

And the NCT brigade just DID MY HEAD IN.

I know I know the pond is huge and there is no funneling system to rely on. But jeez, you'd imagine there'd be someone... Anyone else out there finding it a wilderness?

HairyGrotter Fri 16-Sep-11 22:53:22

I'm only 3 years in, haven't found one yet that I can even bear to spend more than 3 minutes in their company.

I'm well aware that it's 'me' and not 'them'

bibbitybobbityhat Fri 16-Sep-11 22:54:02


carpwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 22:58:37

PMSL. When I read the OP I wanted to join in the thread as 5 years after giving birth I found a "good hang out buddy" which had to be removed by surgery and I thought that "land of local motherhood" was a metaphor for your fanjo!!!! grin Still if anyone wants to share their skin tag/scar tissue stories, I'll be happy to start another thread

<<note to self - read the OP threads more carefully in the future CARP>>

TORIIIA Fri 16-Sep-11 22:58:54

Totally. My baby is six months old, so far NCT and baby club has made me feel so disappointed. Feel like putting head in the oven the lack of conversation or genuine interest and encouragement. I'm used to really caring friendships, it's freaked me out women can be so compeptitive and indifferent. I really hope you find a fab lady to share ups and downs with, it's not an unreasonable idea. I just hope I can find some true friends soon to share this experience with, it should be easier than this surely? XX

EndoplasmicReticulum Fri 16-Sep-11 23:00:15

I tell myself that the only thing I have in common with these people is that we gave birth in the same academic year and live within the same catchment. Not necessarily a basis for friendship.

animula Fri 16-Sep-11 23:01:13

This is not really to do with your OP and perhaps a little nosey but are you American?

Its taken me time. I found nursery difficult as nearly all of us worked so meet ups were very hard; NCT was not much cop, but actually 2 years into school run I have some very good friends.

They are lovey wth my DS - kind and supportive - he is sweet but has some issues which put some parents off. I do different things with different people so that's nice too. Some I hang out with at the local park after school, others I do coffee with; others I go walking with.

There is a lovely expression: a friend for a reason, a season or for life.

HairyGrotter Fri 16-Sep-11 23:01:46

I like your work EndoplasmicReticulum

carpwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 23:03:27

Strange question animula, but I bet she's not - she used "mum" not "mom" and university not college

<<must change name to MissMarple>>

CointreauVersial Fri 16-Sep-11 23:05:21

Nah, loads of friends, thanks. Guess I'm not you.

yadahyadah Fri 16-Sep-11 23:08:42

HairyG - 3 mins seems my max time too and the hardest thing is that aforementioned self-assured daughter is being relied upon by the mum who dubbed her 'bossy' to help her skittish kid settle in in the classroom. So I cannot get away in 3 mins...GGRRRRR.

carpwidow - I like the way you think and - post 3rd pregnancy - may need some advice on the old hangout buddies you mean.

bibbity - explain yourself.

toriiia - competitive and indifferent pretty much nails my experience so far. Thus far I have been a SAHM or a WFHM but the dearth of decent friendships is making me wonder if I can hack it.

carpwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 23:11:42

But you haven't answered animula so I can't judge if I'm a good detective or not...

yadahyadah Fri 16-Sep-11 23:13:53

oh yeah. I am not American. I just watched a load of '80s teen movies of the Breakfast Club variety in my formative years. sorry.

Trippler Fri 16-Sep-11 23:14:34

It's all random. I met great friends when ds born and post-dd, it was a bit of a drought (local birth class people dreary, may have been me, dunno, probably was). I thought, how lucky I was to meet those good people first time round and if I'd not been so lucky, it would have been a drag.

PublicHair Fri 16-Sep-11 23:15:52

i know loads of people, i have a few 'mum' friends who i like and socialise with- maybe try and discuss 'other stuff' and see where that gets you.

carpwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 23:19:21

So my new name from tomorrow is Miss.Marpe with a Skin Tag - nice ring (scuse the pun!)

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 16-Sep-11 23:19:26

Message withdrawn

yadahyadah Fri 16-Sep-11 23:22:20

The trouble is the day-to-day of motherhood involves hanging out with people in parks and groups and the like and it's disappointing to spend so much time with people out of whose mouths come things that get on my wick. Yes I should be less judgmental, yes, I should be more forgiving but I find I need a little time to get zen about things and once schools start, I'd have to be like the Kung-Fu Dalai Lama to deflect the sheer amount of nonsense and unthinking rudery (if that's a word).

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 16-Sep-11 23:25:14

Message withdrawn

carpwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 23:28:46

I agree shineon - Kung-Fu Dalai Lama - fuck off on the next plane to Tibet and see who you can find to hang out with there ;)

animula Fri 16-Sep-11 23:31:18

Ooh. I can't imagine Miss Marple using fuck. You may have to work on that Carpwidow. But respect to your reading skills.

AitchTwoOh Fri 16-Sep-11 23:32:21

jeez, just reading your posts gives me heartburn.

i have HEAPS of excellent friends locally, and plenty enough from school and uni. i very much like people, though, perhaps that's the difference?

yadahyadah Fri 16-Sep-11 23:35:22

oy, you two. I never said I wasn't irritating. But must I be irritated, ffs? grin

carpwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 23:37:46

Was just being irritating joking... what the hell is "getting zen about things"? Can you join a local zen club to find other zenners you could get on with?

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