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To want to strap an alarm clock to her head?

(9 Posts)
dogscatsandbabies Fri 16-Sep-11 21:12:47

Message born purely out of frustration. Am in same sex relationship with beautiful, wonderful, caring DP who I love immensely and am very happy with. We had DD 6 months ago and since I have been on maternity leave I have turned into the clock-watcher from hell and I get EXTREMELY annoyed if DP is late home. You would have thought I'd be used to it by now though.

Her job is fairly high pressured and she spends most of her time in meetings; some with people that, even I would concede, are fairly important. But I am yet to encounter the day that a meeting that was meant to last 60 minutes lasts any less than 90. Everyday I ask her what time she is going to be home (as I'm on my own with the baby and with no family locally, some days she is the only other adult I will see all day therefore I do tend to look forward to her getting in). Over the last 7 months I would say there have been between 5 and 10 days where she has actually arrived at the estimated time. An hour and a half later is not unusual although to be fair, she wouldn't do this without a text to let me know.

Anyway, the hockey season has started and tonight she went out to play an away match. Gone are the days where I can attend as a spectator in the evenings. She had said she'd be home at 9:30 latest and I've just had a text to say she hasn't left yet and it will definately be after 10pm.

AIBU to think she needs to learn to tell the time?

Sanesometimes1 Fri 16-Sep-11 21:39:10

no yanbu but perhaps a bit picky ( sorry), what was it like before you had dd ? guessing that it was not much different from now ? what I thnk in my humble opinion is that you just need to get yourself out and about more, join a mother and baby group, you will be able to meet lots of different ppl and hopefully make some new friends that you can spend time with if you have a full and busy life then clock watching won't be in the forefront of your mind.

backwardpossom Fri 16-Sep-11 21:42:52

YANBU but maybe you need to spell it out to your partner as maybe she just doesn't get it. I often have to tell DH exactly what I want/would like otherwise he just wouldn't know.

I sympathise with the job thing. DH should be finished at 6pm (site hours) but last night he wasn't home until 8:30pm and this is a regular occurrence. hmm

DoMeDon Fri 16-Sep-11 21:47:44

YAB a tiny bit U as it sounds like she was always late and it only bothers you now as you are a bit bored sometimes. Maybe a chat, about how you are having difficulty being so alone and would appreciate more effort time keeping wise, would be a good idea?

I was terminally late until a respected collegaue told me in no uncertain terms how she viwed lateness as a lack of respect. She said it galled her that others thought their time more important than hers. Was a change moment for me.

rhetorician Fri 16-Sep-11 21:55:52

dogscats - hello! I suspect that I have the role of your DP in our relationship, and it's actually a problem of poor estimation rather than poor time-keeping (although it amounts to the same thing), i.e. i never actually work out realistic timings for anything (e.g. fail to add on to the 30 minute bike ride that it takes me almost 10 mins to lock, disrobe etc and get to office, even assuming I don't have to stop and talk to anyone).

Are you sure there's not something else behind it? I speak from experience, so I tend to chronically underestimate timings because I know how hard it is to be at home with a small child (esp when pg, which my dp is), and I feel guilty about being away. Actually, it is much more respectful to my dp to give her a realistic estimate of when I will be home, and not to arrive in a sweaty tormented heap. I do think respect is the key - which is why I am gently trying to suggest that there is probably something else behind the poor time-keeping. I should say that I am much much better now that we have dd, and try to do what I say I will within about a 10 minute margin. I never ever call home and say that I won't be there for another hour (any more blush)

rhetorician Fri 16-Sep-11 22:02:59

just to clarify - I only mean that maybe she is finding it hard to reconcile job and family - I have found the competing demands very stressful at times and often feel overwhelmed - it's perhaps particularly hard for the non-bio mum as colleagues may (unconsciously) not think of her as a mother in the same way that they would if she were the bio mum. She is not on maternity leave, even though she has a tiny baby, and that can be rough...

dogscatsandbabies Sat 17-Sep-11 14:43:16

I appreciate all the comments and no-one has said anything I don't already know to be true. It's difficult as DP only started this job about 2 months before I started maternity leave and at the beginning, it was understandable that she needed to spend so much time at work to get to grips with things. I was only so annoyed yesterday because it was raining and so I barely got out of the house (one car family at present, only until MOT next friday, I'm too chicken to drive when its not road legal!). I do visit friends most weeks and attend parent and baby group, I'm not totally alone but we are a bit out in the sticks so the car is a necessity if the weather isn't good.

I suspect that once I go back to work and am also struggling to fit everything in that I will be a bit more sympathetic. My biggest concern is that DP will constantly be late picking DD up from nursery but when I raise this she tells me not to worry about it, she'd make sure she was on time for that. But on past experience I can't be so easily reassured. Thanks for replies.

rhetorician Sat 17-Sep-11 17:14:23

dogs I am never ever late to pick dd up. Juggling is just so hard, but also being at work is also often easier than dealing with a baby/toddler all day on your own. It's a big test of a relationship, and both partners don't necessarily move at the same speed. It is a question of being honest and realistic about what needs to be done, and resolving as best you can. It will always be a bit haphazard and there's no harm in that. Good luck!

MangoMonster Sat 17-Sep-11 20:13:19

My dp is the same, some people have a more flexible attitude towards time keeping. I've learnt to live with it unless it's really crucial the he gets somewhere on time.

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