AIBU, to be a "little" annoyed with my friend?(21 Posts)
Begining of the week, she asked me to look after her little one who is 1.5 on saturday night at hers so she can go out. I really don't mind, have done it in the past but this time knowing that I am 38 weeks pregnant, I replied to her that As long as she doesn't mind me confirming at the last minute that it is fine, I will come and look after him. (the last minute confirmation is only in case I go in labour).
She came back to me saying that she needs to know now as she has to know if she needs to buy a new top for the night out... This did annoy me as it is not as if I can plan going in labour or not. So I told her that it is not that I don't want to do it, it is really in case of labour, she replied the next day saying she doesn't need me and that she asked her "non-pregnant" friend to do it.
Fast forward today, we were suppose to this each other, she was suppose to come to mine, she texted me in the morning and said she had a horrible night which I can understand as I didn't have a good one either so could I come to hers.
I said that we should leave it for today as I was feeling crap, and as she lives 30 mins away from me and the thought of driving there (which usually I don't mind) is putting me off completely as driving can be so uncomfortable.
She only replied, "ok, see you soon" which is unusual for her as she usually is more cheerful in her texts.
AIBU to be annoyed at her behaviour this week? I guess I might be but then I am also quite hormonal these days...
Maybe she thought you were blowing her off rather than putting herself in your shoes. If she had a horrible night, she's probably feeling pretty sorry for herself.
I don't think you should take too much umbrage if she's usually a good friend.
TBH I'd just let it go - I think she was a bit snippy, but I'd just put it down to her having had a bad night and let it blow over.
I think the message she's getting is " go away till I've had this baby " tbh. You are only 38 weeks. Yes you could go into labour- anytime in the next four weeks.... Are you going to avoid social contact because " you don't reek so good" till then?
I'd certainly feel you were giving me the brush off and I'd better leave you be at the moment.
"ok, see you soon"
What's wrong with that?
'Usually more cheerful'? ....She'd had a bad night.
I don't think you need to be reading so much into it.
I didn't say I was going to avoid social contact until I give birth, but as for the babysitting, I don't feel it is fair that the expected me to say yes I will do it when I don't know if I will be available, midwife said last week that head was fully engaged so it is just a matter of time...
For today if she lived 10 mins away I would have happily gone and see her but 30mins in the car is so not comfortable.
By the way when she was pregnant with her little one, I went to see her often from the time she was 36 weeks as she couldn't be bother to get out of the house...
But I accept that I am being a bit unreasonnable too.
It's unreasonable to want to tell someone at the last minute if you're going to babysit for them.
Why didn't you just say yes?
I mean, if you went into labour after agreeing, she's hardly going to hold that against you is she?
Well, I said to her that I would do it unless I went into labour to which she replied that she needed a definite answer straight away as she needed to go shopping for a top.
So technically I said yes, unless labour occured, I thought I was being fair by warning her that I would do it unless labour started.
If I was looking for a babysitter and you told me "I'll let you know at the last minute" I'd look for someone else too. How can you make plans based on an answer like that? It wasn't stroppy of her to ask someone else instead, just sensible. And her message today sounds absolutely fine to me, she might be cheerful usually but she's having an off day. It's not as if she told you to fuck off.
I think OP you are over reacting big time and reading too much in her text. You think she did not like the fact you could not confirm the babysitting arrangement. Yes, you can go into labor anytime, that makes you unsuitable for baby sitting. She found someone else. No big deal. She did not feel well to come to see you. So what? You still can go into labor any time, so she did not make any precise plans to see you. So relax and find something better to do than going over nothing in AIBU
I am not upset at all that she asked someone else, I am quite happy she did. What did upset me is that she wanted a straight answer from me at the begining of the week. and as I couldn't give her, I am actually quite relieved that she asked another friend.
But you could have given her a straight 'Yes'.
If anything changed after that...well that's because you're about to have a baby.
I don't think you are BU to be a "little" annoyed. But even so it never hurts to be the one bearing the olive branch if she's a good friend. A text or e-mail checking if she's okay after the 'horrible night', and inviting her over to yours for cake and a gossip, maybe?
The babysitting thing would have irked me too - you were willing to do it unless in labour, which deserves a 'thank you' not a 'oh, forget it then'. But still, if she's really a friend, a quick e-mail or text from you in a very friendly and thoughtful tone can't hurt?
Dont see the drama tbh... and pssstt...just because the baby is engaged doesnt mean its going to come soon, sorry to say!
You could have said 'yes', if you'd gone into labour then surely its a given that she'd be supportive (if a little miffed at a lack of night out lol) ....
Its like me saying to my friend, if I don't die on Friday I'll babysit, so won't confirm until I'm alive 5 minutes before I'm due round. Its all a bit odd!!
You are both being a little unreasonable and a little understandable.
Send her a friendly text, say you're looking forward to catching up, you're sorry you couldn't have been more specific with confirmation. If you're the type of friends to send hugs/kisses/love yous then add that on too.
Peace should be restored.
Hi Babloo. I can see where you're coming from. You know what is normal for your friend and this isn't. I don't think you were wrong to say 'yes, as long as I'm not having a baby'. She should have asked er other friend first as you are VERY heavily pregnant! But don't stress about it....shrug your shoulders and pretend you haven't noticed her pettiness. Good luck with your pending arrival by the way!
I some of these responses are a bit hard on the OP -- she did commit, subject to labour. The friend, as she was quite entitled to do, chose someone else to babysit instead as commitment wasn't unconditional. Friend was out of order expecting an unconditional yes in the circumstances.
As for today friend is entitled to ask OP to drive, OP entitled to say no. Personally I am 37 weeks and not doing any more driving than I absolutely have to just right now (although not none) as I am tired and finding driving uncomfortable.
Probably nothing really in the content of the text -- just leave it, and don't read too much into it.
I think you are secretly a bit cross with yourself for over reactiing but can't admit it maybe (Only say this as I've done it too)
Thanks all, for the differents point of view, I now guess that we were both being a bit unreasonnable and accept it.
By the way I am in no way a bit cross with myself for feeling or reacting the way I did.
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