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To be secretly waiting with smug anticipation as 'know it all about kids' friend/work colleague is having her first baby?

(13 Posts)
professorsnape Fri 16-Sep-11 09:54:46

I have DD (4) and DSs (twins, 14 months) and feel am just out of the baby stage, v busy few years but all sleeping the night, in a great routine and am loving (didn't think i'd get there) being a mother actually!

Had many days/nights with crying, teething twins. Didn't know my own name, let alone have any sense of routine/organisatioN. I realise I let things slip as well discipline wise with my DD (eg. If a 3 year old asks for ice cream at 10am in the morning when you've been up all night, literally, with screaming twins, you tend to say 'whatever')

Anyway, a friend, well she's a work collegue but I'd consider her a friend, used to come and visit a few times when the boys were a few months old. It was supportive and nice I admit, but she (to my mind) spent the time correcting, nagging by DD toddler. If I was stressy with the boys she would be all opinionated about trying to have a calm voice/talk nicely to them as maybe they were picking up on my vibes! I remember once I mentioned that one of the twins was 'more smiley' and she told me 'to watch that as you don't want to compare them' whereas I was only making conversation! (like of course I love and treat them equally!)

She also said once that 'i should give my DD water with her dinner and not diluted orange'. And also, when babies were v small, I set to finger painting for the DD and she was all 'you're doing it wrong' and actually giving out to my daughter as she was sticking her hands into it (as kids do!)

At the time, I didn't say anything as I was too tired/vulnerable and would probably be accused of being a bit post-natal as the flood gates would have probably opened!

Am sure she thought it was being helpful at the time but I found it incredibly annoying!

I know I should let it go (i have really) but she just announced at work she's pregnant with DC1. It was totally unexpected, I think she was trying for years. I'm genuinely excited for her, really I am.

But part of me thinks she'll know all about the challenges of motherhood soon enough.

She's even finding the pregnancy/tiredness tough going and said 'no one ever tells you about it'.

Of course, when the baby comes, I will be supportive but part of me is watching to see how she gets on and if she can actually meet her own high standards.

Does this make me a horrible, spiteful person?

Whatmeworry Fri 16-Sep-11 09:56:44

^Of course, when the baby comes, I will be supportive but part of me is watching to see how she gets on and if she can actually meet her own high standards.

Does this make me a horrible, spiteful person^

You're being way too kind...I'd remind her of her every opinion as she fails to achieve them grin

RedBlanket Fri 16-Sep-11 10:02:18

Parenting is a doddle when you don't have any of your own. I cringe at some of the great suggestions I had for friends.

Dont be smug, just be happy for her.

AMumInScotland Fri 16-Sep-11 10:09:06

YANBU to be amused at the prospect. But YWouldBU to be unsupportive when she's struggling, or to rub her nose in the things she previously thought/said/did in her ignorance. Just smile inwardly grin

Mumleigh Fri 16-Sep-11 10:14:01

I cringe when I think back to all the daft things I said to my friends before I had my own kids.

My sister is that person now - spouting off all the time about how she will do things differently when she has kids and looking down her nose at all my kids plastic toys.

I get so annoyed with her but I just know I probably said the same annoying things to my friends in the 10 years that I was trying to become a mum.

If she succeeds in raising perfectly behaved , fruit and vegetable eating, potty trained by 12 months, hand made wooden toy loving, non TV watching, indie music loving children I will of course congratulate her warmly!

fanjobanjowanjo Fri 16-Sep-11 10:15:01

I agree with scotland smile

professorsnape Fri 16-Sep-11 10:26:12

I like is scotland good advice.

Would be very low if I rubbed her nose in it, I'll just smile from the sidelines inwardly.

True that we'd all the answers before we had kids. I was thinking that those before they have kids see all the faults, but those who have kids see all the achievements as you know the work involved smile

DeWe Fri 16-Sep-11 11:03:34

grin MAybe we could arrange a meet up with my bil.
When his dw was pregnant (I had 3 dc) we asked what the due date was. It's right at the end of a month so I said "oooh, could be either month then." His response in a very irritated tone "DW knows her dates. It is XXXX date". We weren't the only person that he told the baby WILL come out on that date.
On the subject of labour and pain relief she said "it's not that painful, and it won't be long so I won't need any pain relief"

Couldn't help feeling smug when baby comes out 10 days late after 4 days labour (forcept delivery) and all pain relief under the sun. grin

I also know from accidently overhearing a conversation between a midwife and a nurse that they were absolute pains at the hospital. Yes, they made such an unforgettable impression on the wards, but not quite in the way that he's told everyone! wink

Of course once his baby was out he is now an expert on all children everywhere, and his child is a genius naturally....

mercibucket Fri 16-Sep-11 11:07:35

don't be too smug yet, if she's only got the one she might well manage to speak in a nice happy voice most of the time, do loads of cool art work with her 4 month old and only give them water the challenge often sets in when the next one (or in your case two) come along
tell her what an excellent mother she is and she should have at least three more as soon as possible
evil grin

Dorje Fri 16-Sep-11 11:11:02

Oh Mercibucket - now that is evil! grin

noeyedear Fri 16-Sep-11 11:24:30

I have a friend like this- it's worse when you know they probably won't have kids of their own (out of choice, not circumstance) so you know you will never get a chance at that inner smugness! She is also fond of moaning on about kids today in general- she's only 42!

TheVermiciousKnid Fri 16-Sep-11 11:26:24

This reminds me of a fridge magnet I once saw: "I was a much better mother before I had kids."

grin

PortBlackSandWitchIsThere Fri 16-Sep-11 11:29:48

You do realise she is going to sail through pregnancy and motherhood now don't you - just to piss you off....wink

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