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Hmm PFB, birthday and being on a school trip, opinions required on this one.

(51 Posts)
Fimbo Fri 16-Sep-11 09:15:54

If I am being unreasonable then I am willing to be told so (before we start!).

A mum I know from the school gates is beside herself because her pfb who is 12 has gone on a school residential trip for 2 days/3nights and it's her birthday inbetween. She is positively maudlin about it. She even told her dd how sad she would be. Now she is moping around on facebook with random status updates about how awful it all is.

My perspective of it would be, ok my dd is not going to be here on her birthday and that's disappointing but she will be having a fantastic time with her mates and we will do lots of celebrating at the weekend and have a birthday party etc. This woman's dd is very popular amongst her peers, so thankfully will probably not be wallowing like her mother.

What would your take on it be?

Fimbo Fri 16-Sep-11 09:16:34

Sorry it's 3 days, 2 nights.

BimboNo5 Fri 16-Sep-11 09:18:55

She needs to man the hell up

cory Fri 16-Sep-11 09:20:08

MY take is that it is not the job of a parent to project their own insecurities, sentimentality etc on their children. If it was my dd I would first have made sure that she wanted to go and then planned the birthday celebrations for the weekend after- problem solved.

But I don't thinlk you'd better tell her this wink

TrillianAstra Fri 16-Sep-11 09:20:24

Anyone who is old enough to read a calendar (and so know when their birthday is) is old enough to understand that sometimes we celebrate birthdays on nearby convenient days, not on the actual day.

Actually I'm not clear, is it the child's birthday or the mother's?

RedBlanket Fri 16-Sep-11 09:21:42

I would be quite upset about if I didn't see my babies on their birthday. I'm not that chuffed they have to go to school on their birthday tbh.

I know IAB a bit U though.

AurraSing Fri 16-Sep-11 09:23:25

I think she is being way over the top and attention seeking.

RedBlanket Fri 16-Sep-11 09:23:46

Oh is it the mothers birthday? I thought it was the girl's. In the case YANBU

IceCreamCastles Fri 16-Sep-11 09:23:56

Yanbu. That's a tad pathetic!

I was in another country on a guide holiday on my 12th birthday. I had a great time, my mum sent me a card and gave me my present when I got back. I'm sure she wasn't at all maudlin! If she was she certainly didn't let on.

And I am her pfb.

ChristinedePizan Fri 16-Sep-11 09:24:05

Guilt-tripping your children is hideous.

Whatmeworry Fri 16-Sep-11 09:24:38

Nothing like trying to make your child guilty to cheer you up....

troisgarcons Fri 16-Sep-11 09:24:54

'school gate mum' ??? to a 12yo???? jeez!

Fimbo Fri 16-Sep-11 09:26:04

Sorry it is the child's birthday. She has also provided 70+ cupcakes as a substitue birthday cake, she wouldn't let her dd take them into school incase they got lost and never made it on the bus, she personally went to the staff room and handed them to the teacher. I think she had a bit of a fight with the school about that as there are kids with egg allergys etc.

MerylStrop Fri 16-Sep-11 09:26:31

She's being very silly, and unfair to her child.

SarahStratton Fri 16-Sep-11 09:26:35

DDs would have killed me if I'd behaved like that.

Fimbo Fri 16-Sep-11 09:27:00

Sorry she has a younger child who is at school with mine, that's why we are at the school gates.

Hullygully Fri 16-Sep-11 09:28:39

dear lord

poor kid

EmpressOfTheFucknuggetOceans Fri 16-Sep-11 09:29:11

Telling her dd she'll be sad is really selfish. Maybe she can't help how she feels but she can help making the poor kid feel bad about it.

cory Fri 16-Sep-11 09:29:25

It is not only about whose birthday it is- did you notice, folks, that this woman's dd is 12 years old. She is in secondary school, she is beginning to have a social life of her own, soon she may have a boyfriend, in 6 years time she may well be leaving home to go uni. This woman needs to get her act together.

Whatmeworry Fri 16-Sep-11 09:31:20

She has also provided 70+ cupcakes as a substitue birthday cake, she wouldn't let her dd take them into school incase they got lost and never made it on the bus, she personally went to the staff room and handed them to the teacher. I think she had a bit of a fight with the school about that as there are kids with egg allergys etc

Oh god lord, poor kid

lesstalkmoreaction Fri 16-Sep-11 09:31:26

The child will probably have the best birthday ever!! thats what the mum is bothered about, she's jealous. Any chance she may just get in the car and go to see her dd??

FancyForgetting Fri 16-Sep-11 09:32:01

The poor DD! The silver lining is that she will, of course, have a fantastic birthday with her pals, despite her mother's best efforts.

Hate to think how maudlin and wallowing Mommie Dearest's FB updates will become when she realises this (or am I crediting her with too much self-awareness?).

Birdsgottafly Fri 16-Sep-11 09:34:04

Leave her to get on with it.

I always happily waved mine off and refused to do any worrying about anything, regardless of how other mums tried to tell me that i should.

It's nice to have different things to talk about when you see each other again.

Maryz Fri 16-Sep-11 09:39:34

dd has a summer birthday and has been on guide camp for five of her last six birthdays shock. I must say I was a bit sad for the first one (her 10th) as I couldn't even ring her, but the most recent one (her 15th) I'm sort of used to it by now grin.

The only birthday she was home she was a little lost - she enjoys having birthday wishes from her friends, and having a mini-party for her on camp every year.

For her it made up for the fact that she never had (and never will have) a birthday in school, with a cake and happy birthday sung to her, which is something that summer born children really miss.

Maryz Fri 16-Sep-11 09:41:25

Sorry, I forgot to say, the mum is being unreasonable, and pathetic, and selfish. If the child wants to go let her. And 70 cupcakes is mad hmm. The first year I sent a cake to camp with dd, but it was pointed out to me that the leaders were aware it was her birthday blush and that they were well able to get a cake and candles for her.

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