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To be fuming at DH attitude

(79 Posts)
gluttom Fri 16-Sep-11 03:59:50

We bought a second hand mpv a month ago as expecting dc3 - it needed 2 new tyres and DH didn't want to pay kwik fit prices so was on about getting remoulds (?) I'm not clued up about cars/tyres. He hasn't done anything about it despite me reminding him several times and I have been driving around in the car as we live up the top of a steep hill and am 39 weeks pregnant with ds1 3 and ds2 2. So fast forward to today and I have a mw appointment and park on road outside. When I left I didn't realise front wheel was on kerb so came down heavy on it as pulled away and it blew. Drove a little way but could smell burning and so pulled over and rang DH who couldn't talk
as very busy. It was getting on by this point - 500pm and had to be at nursery to get kids at 6. I have aa cover but wouldn't have got to nursery on time if I waited for them and was in a bit of a panic as we live 2 miles from nursery
and ds2 would not have been able to walk home and would have been a struggle for me enough. Rang DH to ask him to
leave ASAP so we could so he could get train to nursery and meet me and help me walk home with kids (shoulder carry ds2) and then go and look at car. He said no ring x - (his friend) he will help. Tried to ring x but no answer (DH always tells me to ring x if i want anything as he works more locally and has no dp or kids but I think DH takes advantage of x) Anyway I abandon car and walk to nursery crying and suddenly remember my friend lives near nursery and will lend me her buggy so stop on way. Get kids and start walking home when x rings in flap worrying that I am labour - explain situation and he picks me and kids up and takes us home. He then goes to car to look at wheel. (there is no spare just a new fangled electric glue repair kit). He wasn't able to fix it but comes back round to play with kids as they were disappointed at his brief visit. DH still not home - no word from him.

Kids in bed - 815 he rings - leaving work now all ok???? Can hardly speak to him. He gets in at 9 - normal time is 7 saying he has had shit day etc. Talk about car and shout about him not sorting it out - tells me that I should have sorted it too - I sort everything - bills, housework, washing, food and work - I believe the car to be his remit. Ask what will do about abandoned car - someone needs to walk there and wait with it for aa man to tow it to kwik fit to get expensive tyres - no choice for fucking remoulds now. He said it will have to wait until Saturday now. I can't do it by myself as kids not at nursery tomorrow and he won't take couple of hours from work in morning as "too busy". So now we gave no method of transport to hospital if I go into labour tomorrow or tomorrow night. I think he has been an idiot but he doesn't. Can't sleep as so angry. Probably Abu as hormonal though.

SheCutOffTheirTails Fri 16-Sep-11 04:09:18

He has been an irresponsible idiot tomleave a heavily pregnant woman in charge of two small children using a car without safe tyres.

It's no good him saying you should have sorted it - he took on that responsibility and failed to follow through.

He should apologise for leaving you so stuck today. You are very pregnant and need looking after, not hoofing about town because your DH has let you down.

Of course you're hormonal. Things like that can be overwhelming when you're that pregnant.

Try to rest now smile

gluttom Fri 16-Sep-11 04:18:33

Thanks - need to sleep to before 6 and kids get up - need to find a way of taking friends buggy back tomorrow too - sometimes DH thinks it is totally fine to take advantage if everybody and let everyone else sort out his problems - his only responsibility is work - get up - go to work - come home - eat dinner - go to bed - wouldn't mind but I have to work too - not as if he earns a ton of money.

troisgarcons Fri 16-Sep-11 05:46:36

I know you are having a bad day and it happens to us all BUT your safely is also your responsibility. You shouldn't even be driving a car with dodgy tyres. It's illegal.

I don't know how much remoulds are I have an MPV and always buy new tyres. I use a local garage and it's £55 per tyre to have them fitted and balanced. Balanced I hear you cry? Yes because they have to be weighted. I'm sure there are a thousands of peole out there who can do this for themself. I cant. You can't and by the sounds of it neither can your DP so a garage is your only option.

Just a bit of advice - Kwitfit are charlatans of the highest order - by the time you leave there they will have convinced you that your tracking is all to pot, the brakes are failing and your steering column is about to give way.

Mitmoo Fri 16-Sep-11 06:07:28

OP You don't put kids in a car that is being illegally driven. You might feel peed off now but if you'd have killed or harmed one of your kids you'd really have something to moan about.

You could have been fined and points put on your licence. If you pay on the spot you could have been fined £60 per tyre plus 3 points on your licence per tyre. If the police see a car with a flat and the other tyres being bald on the road I'm not sure what would happen but I wouldnt wait until Saturday to find out.

If you go to court I tihnk it runs into the thousands and not just the £60, pretty sure my MOT man said it could be £2 grand a tyre, might be less but it was big money.

Now if you want to have a moan about how he is leaving you to do all the housework, bils, car maintenance while heavily pregnant (nor not even) I'll empathise big time.

You drove a dangerous car for a month, people get killed that way, if you needed to stop you wouldn't be able to as the grip on the tyres was compromised and you put kids into that car. No sympathy from me for doing that. If you drive it, and you know the vehicle is dangerous, thats your fault. You dont need to be clued up on tyres, just ring around for quotes and bring the car to the garage/tyre workplace.

cricketballs Fri 16-Sep-11 06:34:43

why couldn't you have take the car to a garage before now; there are plenty of tyre changing places around, you don't have to go to an expensive well known one?
You drive in, tell them which tyre need changing, ask them their prices, tell them the fit the ones you want, sit back and watch them do it, pay and drive off...

Morloth Fri 16-Sep-11 06:56:29

Right, you have had a shit day, that sucks and you have my sympathy. however, you shouldn't have been driving the car in that condition.

Here is what I would do. I would call the nursery and ask if they can have the kids for a half day or something, then arrange to meet the AA man while they are there, OR strap the little one into the buggy and take them with you to meet the AA guy.

Get the very best tyres and fittings you can afford and if your DH objects to the costs tell him where to shove it.

If you go into labour call a cab.

I would tear shreds off DH if he was being so spectacularly unhelpful, but you are the adult who was knowingly driving a dodgy car - putting yourself, your kids and everyone else on the road in danger.

Just refuse to do stuff like that in the future. If I thought one of DH's ideas was going to be dangerous I just wouldn't do it.

gluttom Fri 16-Sep-11 07:02:24

The tyres weren't bald/illegal - they passed mot/ service - think there is damage to the wall of the one that blew - the other one on the other side needs changing to balance the car - the car is a newish and the places that DH did try

CailinDana Fri 16-Sep-11 07:10:14

Sorry I have to agree with the others and say you shouldn't have been driving that car. I totally understand why you're upset - you wanted your DH to take responsibility for just one thing and he didn't - and in most cases I would say stand your ground and don't do it for him as he'll never step up. But in this case I think it was very foolish of you not to just go and buy the tyres yourself no matter what they cost. Driving on dodgy tyres is incredibly dangerous. Imagine what would have happened if the tyre had blown out when you were actually driving? That happened to a friend of mine and though they weren't going very fast they completely lost control of the car and totalled it. Thankfully no one was hurt but that was pure luck and it could have been very different.

The issue here is not really the tyres, it's more that your husband has very little interest in you and your family. That's something you need to try to sort out, especially with a new baby on the way. Time to sit down and have a serious chat I think.

noblegiraffe Fri 16-Sep-11 07:12:43

If you're in the AA, why didn't you call them at the start?

Mitmoo Fri 16-Sep-11 07:13:02

If there was damage to the wall that still means it is being driven illegally and is not roadworthy. If your car is not safe then you don't drive it. If two of the tyres need attention you have to sort it out, not rely on anyone else, nor drive it other than to the tyre/servicing place.

I know you've had hard day but you really are extremely lucky no one was hurt.

You are the driver, your responsibility. If you want to leave it parked up and not drive it, then we can discuss what a lazy sob your DH is leaving all of the responsibilities to you, but you cant drive defective cars when you could hurt or kill people.

Morloth Fri 16-Sep-11 07:13:43

Take control.

gluttom Fri 16-Sep-11 07:14:33

Didn't have in stock - yesterday believe it or not was my first day of mat leave when I had no kids. Now i know you all have well behaved children and are good parents but I don't and am not and would have struggled waiting for the tyres to be changed with the kids in tow. It's not so much the tyre blowing - was my fault for kerbing it - was just his attitude yesterday and today. You all grabbing hold of something to have a go at me about. The mot is dated 31 July 2011. Doubt the police could no much about that.

DecapitatedLegoman Fri 16-Sep-11 07:20:37

Look, you based your OP on his failure to sort out an identified problem so you can't now claim it wasn't really a problem. I do really sympathise, he's been a complete twat and no doubt about it but you do have to accept responsibility. Both of you are adults.

Now get it sorted and thrash it out with him. Sounds like both of you need to do more taking responsibility for yourselves.

2BoysTooLoud Fri 16-Sep-11 07:20:48

x sounds nice- run off with x!!
Joking aside I would be pissed off too. [My dh did something similar once because a repair would cost money. Car ended up costing a fortune/ more than value of car to make safe because he had waited. Stitch in time and all that].
You have my sympathy.

Mitmoo Fri 16-Sep-11 07:22:21

You drove a dangerous car, that is an action that puts you, your children and everyone else on the roads as risk of harm, injury or death. Being pregnant is not an excuse, having children is not an excuse, that's a reason to get the sorted immediately, it's not about "grabbing hold of anything" nothing to do with having perfect kids, just trying to get you to see sense.

You knew the car needed two new tyres, you don't freak around with tyres for goodness sakes, you even say you live on top of a very steep hill and then drive a car that needs two new tyres. Find a way to get them sorted today.

Morloth Fri 16-Sep-11 07:22:26

He is being very annoying.

But it sounds like you are going to have to sort it out yourself.

Kids are indeed a PITA at that sort of thing, but it can't be helped. Just get it sorted so you have one less thing to worry about.

diddl Fri 16-Sep-11 07:27:29

But in the OP you put that you knew the car needed new tyres when you got it.

When your husband hadn´t done something within a certain time-why didn´t you?

If you drive then it´s also your responsibility?

ChuffMuffin Fri 16-Sep-11 07:27:45

Your DH is a twat for a start.

You should never have driven the car with a damaged tire wall. Are there not any local tyre replacement garages near you? They'll do it a lot cheaper than Kwik Fit.

It doesn't matter if the MOT is dated 31 July 2011. If the tyres were damaged after that and the vehicle is now unroadworthy then you'd still be in trouble with the police.

Tyres and the law

troisgarcons Fri 16-Sep-11 07:34:54

You dont have to 'wait' for the tyres to be changed .... you take the kids for a walk and come back in half an hour.

BTW I remember exactly what it's like with two toddlers and a third on the way.

blackeyedsusan Fri 16-Sep-11 07:45:07

from bitter experience, it is no good waiting around for someone like your h to do this. you need to get it organised yourself. of courrse he should take responsibility for these things btut you will be the one in trouble if not... and you know that now. strap the kids into a buggy... buy an emergency pack of chocolate biscuiots/bananas and the dreaded fruit shoots and take them to a local garage. it is quite quick to get tyres changed. sod the rest of mn fruitshoots are what you need in garage waiting rooms...(they are less leaky and bounce when they are thrown (again bitter experience)

ring the aa. tell them that you are on your own with 2 children aand are 39 weeks pregnant.they will come quite quickly. strap the children into the car til they arrive. they can't move and run off then.

if you go into labour, there is always a taxi or ambulance.

justpaddling Fri 16-Sep-11 07:54:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gluttom Fri 16-Sep-11 07:55:12

Yes sorting it out now - didn't know we needed new tyre when bought it or after mot - x actually saw the damage when he was having a look at our new car. Yes should have married instead of DH - meet them both at same time wink. Don't eat anymore IABU please - in tears now and desperately want my dad who has sadly passed away. He would have this sorted. sad

SheCutOffTheirTails Fri 16-Sep-11 07:58:31

I think you are all being incredibly harsh. She's full term pregnant with two pre-schoolers, a full-time job and appears to be doing all the housework.

She tried to get the tyres sorted, but was told not to by her DH, who then failed to do anything about them himself for a month.

With a life that busy, when so pregnant, I can quite see why sorting out the tyres against her husband's advice was one extra thing she couldn't handle.

It's a bit silly now, with perfect hindsight, to claim it was obvious how dangerous the car was.

OP - your husband's attitude stinks. He's a shirker and he takes advantage of people (most of all you, by the looks of things).

Make him help you, you shouldn't be doing everything at this late stage of pregnancy (or ever).

blackeyedsusan Fri 16-Sep-11 08:00:25

ahhh dads... we never quite grow out of needing them in this situation.

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