To tell my neighbour to fuck off and mind her own business?(108 Posts)
Long story short, I am 8 weeks pregnant - a very much planned and long awaited pregnancy, following a lot of heartache last year when it was thought I had ovarian cancer. DH and I are over the moon about the pregnancy.
DH is a farmer and logically, as a result, I live on a large farm in a rural village. I have 9 rescue cats (4 of whom are very shy/feral), as well as 4 dogs, several horses, a pig, sheep and chickens as well as over 100 cows. (This is relevant).
My neighbour, a retired kidney transplant surgeon, knows about my pregnancy, as she was the one to give advice over the ovarian cancer issue and when I got the BFP, I rang her to let her know the good news.
She has, however, taken it upon herself to give me pregnancy advice. I'm pretty much of the opinion that everyone is going to give me advice about the pregnancy as they learn about it and I can just keep the advice I want and let it the rest wash over me.
My neighbour doesn't like cats. She doesn't hate them, but to her, they should live outside and "know their place". My cats certainly DON'T "know their place" and rule my house with iron paws. DH and I have agreed that when the baby arrives, we will keep the cats out of the babies room and will take precautions with cot nets etc. As far as I am concerned, DH and I have it covered. The cats are staying, and we will not disrupt their lives anymore than we have to with the arrival of the baby. We're obviously going to use common sense, but this is their home too.
This isn't good enough for my neighbour. The first time she "popped over for a chat", she sat on my sofa and told me "I must get rid of the cats, it's worth getting rid of them for a baby". I was polite (i didn't want to offend) and said it was something DH and I would think about
for about 10 seconds before I said no fucking way, to DH
The second time (last week), she "popped over for coffee" and sat on my sofa and said "shall I call the shelter so you can get the cats rehomed, I'll do it now if you want".
no, you stupid bitch, if I want to rehome my cats, which I don't, I'll use my own extensive rescue contacts thanks very much I again was polite (small village, very few people) and said that at the moment, DH and I were happy to keep the cats while we assessed things.
Yesterday, she "popped in" again. This time she told me that she'd spoken "her friends who were vets" (yes, I know the vet, she is the daughter of another neighbour) who has agreed to PTS the 4 shy cats "to get them off my hands". I told her that I would deal with my own cats, thanks very much, and that I certainly wouldn't be murdering any. She then got huffy, called me unreasonable and informed me that a number of other people agreed with her.
I am now beyond livid. I want to
tell her to fuck off, then fuck off some more now be blunt rather than polite. DH has advised that I tread carefully, because I live in Stepford the village is a small, tight community and I need to be tactful so that relationships aren't strained too much because she carries a lot of clout within the village. (Unfortunately he's right).
Quite apart from me, DH, the GP's (both mine and DH's parents) and my cats vet, are all in agreement that I am perfectly reasonable to keep my cats, providing we take precautions when LO arrives and make adaptations. (e.g. no cats in the babys room). I'm also experienced and trained in cat behaviour, so it's not as if I'm an "ignorant" pet owner.
DH does the litter boxes, I use latex gloves when doing anything remotely "animal care duties". (That includes cleaning out the chickens and ferret, and dog-poo patrol BTW - of which the neighbour has made absolutely no mention).
I know I'm not being unreasonable, my neighbour is, but how the hell do I tell her to
fuck off mind her own business politely? I actually need help here!
Congrats on the pregnancy.
I had this with my ex mil. She even found a home for one of my 2 cats. I did tell her to fuck off in the end as she upset me so much. Neither of my cats were remotely bothered by the babies in the end anyway and the babies were never out of my sight for more than the time it takes to go to the loo.
Tell her you've taken advice from your GP and vet and the cats will be staying. If she still persists in trying to rehome them, then tell her to fuck off.
Grit your teeth and keep saying no, you've decided the cats are staying. Do the broken record thing. She sounds a bit mad and getting stroppy with her won't actually achieve anything.
My MIL found a buyer for our dog when I had LO. We still have the dog.
Thank her for her advice but remain firm in telling her you have made your decision for the present, are taking great care when dealing with the hygiene aspect of cat ownership, are aware of all the 'risks' and have plans in place for when the baby is born.
Repeat as necessary. The broken record technique is assertive and effective when dealing with pushy madams.
Your neighbour sounds utterly bonkers. How many people in this country have cats and babies at the same time?? I have two of each category and other than having to monitor the baby doesn't rip out their tails it's all going quite well
It's obviously important not to fall out with this woman, so I agree with the pps, just keep saying no. Eventually she'll have to give up. I'm really struggling to see why it's any of her business!
Congrats on your pg btw
Your neighbour is, frankly, weird on the subject of cats. Most cat owners who become pregnant keep their cats. Make sure they are wormed, proper hygeine - what on earth is her problem?
Is trying to rehome your sheep for you too?
I think you have fulfilled the required quota of politeness, now is the time to tell them to fuck of and then fuck off some more.
Oh dear...she has too much time on her hands! I really am not keen on cats...neither is she...however, these are your cats, it's your pregnancy, your home...your decision. With a huge smile on your face, remind her of this.
personally, i'm not a pet person, and got incredibly nervous when taking my daughter when she was newborn to a place when i know there is a cat or a dog there because i am completely OTT paranoid about animal hair. however, it's your house, your baby, and it is none of her business, who the hell is she to discuss this with other people anyway? i wouldn't worry about being polite. i bet she has wound other people up the wrong way as well. i know if some old biddy was bitching to me about this i would ignore her, and so would most other people. wind her up by saying you will get more pets.
tbh though it sounds like you and your partner know what your doing with animals more than most, so i doubt you need any advice about what to do with them!
I would politely tell her to fuck right off into the next county:
"Thank you for your concern. DH and I have decided we are keeping the cats. I consider this topic of conversation closed and I don't want to discuss it any further."
If she persists:
"As I've already said, I don't want to discuss this again" Repeat until
you have an axe handy she gets the message.
"I really appreciate your perspective, and can reassure you that we take care with the litterboxes etc. But in truth, we have made our decision, and I think it's time for you to acccept that, and that we don't discuss it again'
She has been outrageous in arranging to have them PTS, but no need to employ swearing at all.
You live on a farm fgs, seems hilarious to be worrying about a few cats
Tell her, thank you for all her advice, you've researched it and talked to your GP and are going to keep the cats, and of course as a farming family, you'll be raising this child surrounded by animals anyway. Did she know that children raised with pets in the house are less likely to have allergies?
If she raises it again, you can say "I know you'd do things differently if this was your family, but we're keeping all our animals."
It works both ways, it might be a small community, but it's a farming one, you should expect the majority of people have raised their children around animals.
Don't tell her to fuck off, it won't help in RL, you'll just upset a near neighbour whose help might be very necessary down the line
Do repeat what TakeThisOneHereForAStart suggested, ad nauseum. Make flash cards if necessary . I also don't think it would be rude to say, next time she pops in for a coffee, that talking about the cats is off the menu (with a big smile).
I had my cats before I had ds, and they certainly weren't leaving to make room for him! They thought he was their kitten, and my female used to keep guard outside his room when he was down for the night, and even used to check it was me when he needed feeding!
You're taking the right precautions, and after all, your baby will be a farmer's child, so will need t get used to animals form an early age.
"she told me that she'd spoken "her friends who were vets" (yes, I know the vet, she is the daughter of another neighbour) who has agreed to PTS the 4 shy cats "to get them off my hands""
Kenobi's right though... dont tell her to fuck off in RL.
Tell her to fuck off, cunt! Or give her my phone number and allow me the pleasure, please.
As you might imagine, we survived a multi cat household perfectly well. My non toxo suffering, non suffocated kids are now teenagers. I threw the cat net which my mother bought for DD1 in the bin precisely 2 minutes after mother had left. It was not mentioned again, I think she got the message!
Now, two things... 1 - practise "I will not kill my cats or rehome them and as a rescuer I find that suggestion deeply offensive. Please don't raise the matter again
2. CONGRATULATIONS lovey! xx
(Can you see the steam coming out of my ears?)
She sounds a bit mental, my cats love their pet children. Do your cats poo on her land or something ?
You really do need to continue to be polite but firm... otherwise what aspect of your life may she decide to arrange next? Some surgeons do suffer from their own personal god delusion!
And keep an eye on your cats just in case she decides to
kidnap and have them murdered take matters into her own hands!
Join the discussion
Please login first.