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To treat my children differently this weekend

(29 Posts)
MmeLindor. Wed 14-Sep-11 18:34:39

I am truly undecided.

DD 9th, is invited to friend's chalet for the weekend. It is the second time she has done this. Last winter she went skiing. This time they want to go to an adventure swimming pool.

DS 7yo is not invited.

I don't know whether to let her go, as I feel that it is unfair for DS.

We would do something interesting with him.

grovel Wed 14-Sep-11 18:37:21

Let DD go.
Do something nice with DS (but don't make it compensation - life is not fair).

pippilongsmurfing Wed 14-Sep-11 18:38:40

I wouldn't stop her going. It's not really fair to penalise her because your DS's is either not invited or has a different set of friends. I'm sure as he gets older he will get loads of his own invites that DD won't get IYSWIM.

9 yr old girls don't really want their little brother tagging along with them when their out with their friends.

Just do something that DS will find fun whilst DD is off having a great time.

Milsean Wed 14-Sep-11 18:39:12

I don't get the problem. 7 year old boys are always going to do different thing s than 9 year old girls. Are they not supposed to do anything that the other isn't invited to? I don't imagine they will get to do much then.

hellhasnofury Wed 14-Sep-11 18:39:18

Let her go. It gives you a chance to have some good one on one time with your DS. My two enjoyed time away from each other when they were younger.

EdithWeston Wed 14-Sep-11 18:40:07

Are you going to force her along to everything he wants to do with his friends? What if eg he's invited to see the footie team he supports play a really exciting fixture - will you say "no" if DD isn't invited too?

They are separate people, with separate friends, and their social lives will become ever more independent.

So YABU - you are limiting your DD's social life.

HowlingBitch Wed 14-Sep-11 18:40:16

Unless your DS is also a friend and is being deliberately left out then ofcourse she should go!

AgentZigzag Wed 14-Sep-11 18:40:42

It'd be unfair on your DD if she couldn't go for that reason.

Surely they won't get to do exactly the same things as they're growing up?

Your lucky DD to have such a great friend smile

troisgarcons Wed 14-Sep-11 18:41:22

Well you could do something special with your 7yo.

I wouldnt expect one of my childrens friends to drag the others along to an outting.

Hulababy Wed 14-Sep-11 18:41:23

I would let her go. And then do something with DS on his own - he'll probably like the one to one time anyway.

It may seem unfair to DS at times I guess but with time he'll make more of his own friends anyway and who's to say that he want get lots of exciting invites out too in the future.

I have an only child and we do tend to invite friends out with us, mainly DD's best friend. Now this best friend does have a younger sister, and DD loves her dearly too, but she is younger and not her best friend, so the elder girl gets most of the invites. I am aware that the little one may find it hard at times and do check with mum in advance.

Bunbaker Wed 14-Sep-11 18:43:46

Surely the children have their own sets of friends? DD invites her friends round to play etc, but I don't expect her to invite her friends' siblings as well.

defineme Wed 14-Sep-11 18:47:27

My twins (girl/boy) get invited to different things/not invited to the same parties-that's life. With having 3 kids I always look on it as an opportunity to spend some quality time with the ones left behind. Their older brother doesn't bat an eye when the twins do something different.
Is it because it's such an extravagent thing they're doing?
I might acknowledge that by saying to ds 'I'd love to do that too, lucky old dd. What shall we do to have some fun?'

ChasingSquirrels Wed 14-Sep-11 18:49:17

surely all children should be treated as individuals, not a a mass "the children". Your DD is invited, if she wants to go and you are happy for her to do so I think your DS is irrelevant in the decision.

halcyondays Wed 14-Sep-11 18:50:50

You wouldn't be treating them differently,it would be unfair to make your daughter miss out. Surely if you have more than one child, then from a young age there will be times when one gets a treat and the other doesn't, e.g one goes on a school trip, the other has Santa visit their playgroup. One child gets invited to a birthday party, the other is invited to a friend's house to lay or for a sleepover. It usually balances out in the end.

MmeLindor. Wed 14-Sep-11 18:53:15

I guess I am being unreasonable. It just seems so one sided.

Dd's friends invite her for sleepyovers and to swim in their pool.

Ds's friends are not doing sleepovers yet.

SouthernFriedTofu Wed 14-Sep-11 18:54:02

Ds needs fancier friends wink

I would let dd go. They will all do different things as they get older and ds will do other fun things.

FlamingFannyDrawers Wed 14-Sep-11 18:57:10

I don't see why you would stop your dd going or make a big fuss of ds and feel like you have to do something with him to compensate. Unless im a right mean kids receive invites from their own friends, the siblings don't automatically get invited and i certainly don't feel I should have to spoil the ones left behind.

MmeLindor. Wed 14-Sep-11 19:00:13

Ok, will let her go then.

Thanks, helped me see sense.

HowlingBitch Wed 14-Sep-11 19:01:21

Yay, Successful AIBU!

ChippingIn Wed 14-Sep-11 19:03:59




Glad you saw sense!

MmeLindor. Wed 14-Sep-11 19:06:37


Glad to be of service.

I love a good 'oh, shit. I was in fact being unreasonable'

HowlingBitch Wed 14-Sep-11 19:08:20

And you take it so well!

<geeky high five>

MmeLindor. Wed 14-Sep-11 19:14:12

<shufflyhandshake thing>

<tries to look cool>

<whacks HB by mistake>

HowlingBitch Wed 14-Sep-11 19:41:30

<Falls out open window and lands arse first in abramble bush>

Let's just smile and nod in future.

HowlingBitch Wed 14-Sep-11 19:42:07

Space fail sad

a bramble*

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