To treat my children differently this weekend

[MmeLindor.]

I am truly undecided.

DD 9th, is invited to friend's chalet for the weekend. It is the second time she has done this. Last winter she went skiing. This time they want to go to an adventure swimming pool.

DS 7yo is not invited.

I don't know whether to let her go, as I feel that it is unfair for DS.

We would do something interesting with him.

[grovel]

Let DD go.
Do something nice with DS (but don't make it compensation - life is not fair).

[pippilongsmurfing]

I wouldn't stop her going. It's not really fair to penalise her because your DS's is either not invited or has a different set of friends. I'm sure as he gets older he will get loads of his own invites that DD won't get IYSWIM.

9 yr old girls don't really want their little brother tagging along with them when their out with their friends.

Just do something that DS will find fun whilst DD is off having a great time.

[Milsean]

I don't get the problem. 7 year old boys are always going to do different thing s than 9 year old girls. Are they not supposed to do anything that the other isn't invited to? I don't imagine they will get to do much then.

[hellhasnofury]

Let her go. It gives you a chance to have some good one on one time with your DS. My two enjoyed time away from each other when they were younger.

[EdithWeston]

Are you going to force her along to everything he wants to do with his friends? What if eg he's invited to see the footie team he supports play a really exciting fixture - will you say "no" if DD isn't invited too?

They are separate people, with separate friends, and their social lives will become ever more independent.

So YABU - you are limiting your DD's social life.

[HowlingBitch]

Unless your DS is also a friend and is being deliberately left out then ofcourse she should go!

[AgentZigzag]

It'd be unfair on your DD if she couldn't go for that reason.

Surely they won't get to do exactly the same things as they're growing up?

Your lucky DD to have such a great friend

[troisgarcons]

Well you could do something special with your 7yo.

I wouldnt expect one of my childrens friends to drag the others along to an outting.

[Hulababy]

I would let her go. And then do something with DS on his own - he'll probably like the one to one time anyway.

It may seem unfair to DS at times I guess but with time he'll make more of his own friends anyway and who's to say that he want get lots of exciting invites out too in the future.

I have an only child and we do tend to invite friends out with us, mainly DD's best friend. Now this best friend does have a younger sister, and DD loves her dearly too, but she is younger and not her best friend, so the elder girl gets most of the invites. I am aware that the little one may find it hard at times and do check with mum in advance.

[Bunbaker]

Surely the children have their own sets of friends? DD invites her friends round to play etc, but I don't expect her to invite her friends' siblings as well.

[defineme]

My twins (girl/boy) get invited to different things/not invited to the same parties-that's life. With having 3 kids I always look on it as an opportunity to spend some quality time with the ones left behind. Their older brother doesn't bat an eye when the twins do something different.
Is it because it's such an extravagent thing they're doing?
I might acknowledge that by saying to ds 'I'd love to do that too, lucky old dd. What shall we do to have some fun?'

[ChasingSquirrels]

surely all children should be treated as individuals, not a a mass "the children". Your DD is invited, if she wants to go and you are happy for her to do so I think your DS is irrelevant in the decision.

[halcyondays]

You wouldn't be treating them differently,it would be unfair to make your daughter miss out. Surely if you have more than one child, then from a young age there will be times when one gets a treat and the other doesn't, e.g one goes on a school trip, the other has Santa visit their playgroup. One child gets invited to a birthday party, the other is invited to a friend's house to lay or for a sleepover. It usually balances out in the end.

[MmeLindor.]

I guess I am being unreasonable. It just seems so one sided.

Dd's friends invite her for sleepyovers and to swim in their pool.

Ds's friends are not doing sleepovers yet.

[SouthernFriedTofu]

Ds needs fancier friends

I would let dd go. They will all do different things as they get older and ds will do other fun things.

[FlamingFannyDrawers]

I don't see why you would stop your dd going or make a big fuss of ds and feel like you have to do something with him to compensate. Unless im a right mean mum...my kids receive invites from their own friends, the siblings don't automatically get invited and i certainly don't feel I should have to spoil the ones left behind.

[MmeLindor.]

Ok, will let her go then.

Thanks, helped me see sense.

[HowlingBitch]

Yay, Successful AIBU!

[ChippingIn]

Right

Next!!




Glad you saw sense!

[MmeLindor.]

:o

Glad to be of service.

I love a good 'oh, shit. I was in fact being unreasonable'

[HowlingBitch]

And you take it so well!

[MmeLindor.]

[HowlingBitch]

Let's just smile and nod in future.

[HowlingBitch]

Space fail :(

a bramble*

[HairyGrotter]

Wish I had mates like your DD's