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CM issues....AIBU?? Not sure if this is right place to post but here goes....

(44 Posts)
ChunLi Wed 14-Sep-11 10:52:42

Hi, first time posting so bear with me if I ramble slightly....

My DS, just turned 2yo, has been with CM for about a year now.

A little background information....We have always been happy with CM and her husband, they seemed a lovely couple/family and they go Kidspace nearly everyday so DS was very happy.

I told her he had allergies, which we were still trying to figure out, she seemed to brush off a lot of what I said (because I'm a young mum perhaps?)and ask me if I'm sure, perhaps it is just his hair products (he has afro hair)!!
We knew he was lactose intolerant and reacted to eggs, but in the last few weeks she told me he'd been eating cheese pizza and also 'accidentally' picked up some scotch eggs!!
His RAST tests showed he is allergic to egg white! He is lactose intolerant!! NO dairy!!
I insisted that she made sure that didnt happen but she kind of played it down that they couldn't stop him, he was too quick, and he is very very active so I tried to understand.

But in the last month before the summer holidays there were more issues forming, I noticed she wasn't changing Ds's nappy, he would come home soaking wet, a couple times with poo in his nappy, but as I tried to sympathise (she has 7 children pregnant with 8th plus others she looks after)I never said anything. This I now know was a mistake.

I thought it would be okay because he wouldn't be with her long, we had told her we may not continue after the term, and she said fine just let her know, but when we did she stated "that's fine I will just need 4 weeks pay in lieu."
This we weren't aware of, I said I will have to see and she shut the door on me.
After checking the contract I saw tht she was right, I was infuriated that she hadnt mentioned this but I accept that I should always read the small print, you can't give notice in holiday time so I waited till the first day back to give 4 weeks notice and that was a week and a half ago.

So now he is still attending, but I feel so guilty. I have been marking the nappies to make sure, and the last two days he came home wearing the same nappy he went there in (he attends 9.15-3.45).

Today I spoke to her and asked her how often she changes his nappy. She told me 2-3 times a day, and I stated that he wore the same nappy all day yesterday, but she tried to say she changed him and she "has all different nappies around the house", how is that even relevant? He was wearing the SAME nappy!!! WHY is she lying to me??!!
Anyway I said no it was definitely the same nappy (I didnt tell her I marked it), could she write down everytime he has a nappy change and everything he eats in the day (the gp needs me to do this now as he has to go for further testing).
She asked for her book before she could do that, a little book that she used to write in everyday, but I stopped taking this in because she stopped writing in it and she always told me she didnt have time to.
So I dont know where that book is now, I asked her to write it on paper till I get a new book.

One last gripe, in June she gave me a set of fees for the extended care hours, (which will just be for the last two weeks of his attendnce now), saying 7.30 - 6pm will be £45 a day, I still have this letter. When I emailed and gave notice, stating the lst two weeks will be extended hours, she wrote back sying all ok, reminder of fees policy and that week one and two will be £175, week 3 and 4 will be £275...that's £50 more than she originally stated!! Can she do this? I plan on putting £225 in her account anyway lol... I also want to state my experience (in a much more succinct paragraph lol!) on a review (that's how i found her) to warn other parents...can I do that without hassle? Should I mke a complaint to OFSTED?

Anyway, he will be leaving at the end of the month to go to a small private nursery.....but I just feel SO guilty, I have to attend university which I have just started and I can't even think of skipping lessons for three weeks, things are fragile at OH's job already because he taken time off for our other children and we can't afford to pay her and someone else at the same time.

I just worry if she really looks afer him, how much attention he gets, if he's learnt anything while there?? Does she record anything about their time during their day?? Is it that she can't handle all these children she has??

And I wish I hadn't tried to be so plesant about everything! Just too nice all the time! I'm always trying to be polite, not make a fuss...argh!!

I guess it is too late now but I just needed to vent, my OH thinks I'm paranoid and that there is just 'tension'...he even suggested that maybe she sees the marked nappy, changes him and makes the same mark on the nappy!!! (not only highly improbable but just a completely ludicrous suggestion in itself!!!). My best friend who is the only one with with children herself said she couldn't believe I left him in her care and I should take him out immmediately...but I have no other choice!


Any Netmums listening your advice is GREATLY appreciated!!!

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:56:08

its mumsnet, not netmums.

best out of there i think, she might be so busy playing she forgets to change his nappy but i doubt it

definately leave comments on the site

NinkyNonker Wed 14-Sep-11 10:58:00

She sounds awful, it also sounds like she has too many children and isn't paying sufficient attention to them.

GypsyMoth Wed 14-Sep-11 10:59:07

I'd remove him NOW

And how can she childminder with so many in her care? Is that right?

GypsyMoth Wed 14-Sep-11 10:59:56

I'm with your friend on this.... You need to remove him.

If she has 7-almost 8 of her own how many is she registered for?? Is she Ofsted checked...for sure??

She doesnt sound very good TBH and your DS is better off away from her like now...and yes, def report her to Ofsted

porcamiseria Wed 14-Sep-11 11:02:26

I had the same, my first CM turned into an EVIL BITCH, I am still angry

its hard as you dont want to have a blow out when she is still looking after your baby.

I think you need to aseert yourself here

1) on the fees changing, look at contracts and make sure that whatever you pay her is by the book
2) say that you dont want bad feelings for your last few weeks but you are seriously pissed off. say that you politely request that she adresses the following issues (nappy etc) as you want to complete on a good note and you want to be a good reference for her (this is a veled threat)

chalk down to experience

whackamole Wed 14-Sep-11 11:04:00

I was going to say surely she has too many children in her care? And surely in one nappy a day he would be soaked through his clothes? My boys are after about 3 hours if I'm not careful!

I think I would remove him TBH and see if it would be possible for him to start nursery early or maybe you could take him to uni just as an emergency? It would only be for 3 weeks.

Not sure on the money issues at all though, although I know we were given a month's notice that our nursery fees were going to be increased, then a personal letter to each parent detailing exactly what we have to pay.

PeneloPeePitstop Wed 14-Sep-11 11:04:22

Report to OFSTED too.
Lack of nappy changes is neglect. Not having a protocol for a child with allergies is terrible. She should be registered.
Are the number of children she has in the house within the prescribed limits too?

My son and DiL have a similar problem. GS has been with Cm for one week. In that time he has had bruises on his face and head and cat scratches to his hands. He is eleven months old. The CM refers to him by a very unpleasant nickname and says he is naughty and needs too much attention. In the next breath she says that she doesn't need to do much with him as he is able to entertain himself. My son and DiL have removed him from her "care" and she is demanding a month's pay. As they believe she has broken her contract by her behavoir they will not be paying her for anything apart from the time he has spent with her.

ChunLi Wed 14-Sep-11 11:12:50

Oh crap sorry knittedbreast, yes mumsnet...see you can tell I am a noob :S

Okay so totally imploding with guilt right now

porcamiseria you are totally right but I am thinking it is past this stage right now!

I am talking to the new nursery now to see if he can start in asap....

I am going to take him out today....will i need to still pay her? we have a legal contract.

wow you guys are good....!

notherdaynotherdollar Wed 14-Sep-11 11:15:30

i dont understand why anyone would leave their most treasured "possession" for one minute in a neglectful situation

i wouldnt leave my laptop in the hands of someone i thought was incompetent


Sidge Wed 14-Sep-11 11:18:22

You will need to give her 4 weeks notice and pay her for that.

Unless you want to challenge her with 'breach of contract' by saying she didn't provide the care she was paid to do, as she wasn't changing his nappy or watching what he was eating and that you are removing him immediately on those grounds.

ChunLi Wed 14-Sep-11 11:20:59

Okay notherdaynotherdollar because I just thought I wasnt sure if i was being unreasonable I had a huge row with OH telling me Im just being silly. I am waiting for her to bring him back from kidspace she has told me they will be back at 12 and I going to take him and he will never go back there. I dont see him as a 'posession' he is a part of me, and the reason I'm going to university to improve our lives for the future!

ExpensivePants Wed 14-Sep-11 11:25:58

Remove him now and report her. Oh, and pay her the usual daily rate, not some figure she's plucked from the sky. That's if you don't have a case against her, which it sounds like you might.

porcamiseria Wed 14-Sep-11 11:27:05

notherday, its hard for first time mums with CM, they can start off nice then it detiriorates

OP, I would think hard about money. maybe say that due to neglect, you see this as breach of contract and you are removing from her care immediately, prime examples being

allergy issues
nappy issues
# of children issues

that you are happy to go via Ofsted for mediation around how much to pay her for this, but you see her behaviour as unnacceptable and as BREACH OF CONTRACT

dont shaft her, but definately let her whistle for her money

IMO the fact that she has done X Y X means she will be scared you go to |Ofsted

carriedababi Wed 14-Sep-11 11:41:55

good call for taking him out, right thing to do imo

ElizabethDarcy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:08:15

Speaking as a CM... I am HORRIFIED! Neglect and lying too. It's CRUCIAL you have the utmost trust in your CM.. and you obviously do not have that. I would not leave my child with her for a second longer.

As this is neglect, it would be worth phoning OFSTED too, I know I would! I have very high standards for the children in my care, the thought of them ever being neglected makes me want to cry (and I am not their mother!).

It makes me so sad (and angry!) that there are people out there her care for children for a living, and they don't do their job properly. It's NOT ON.

SnapesMistress Wed 14-Sep-11 12:26:15

Deffo phone OFSTED and report her.

ChunLi Wed 14-Sep-11 12:37:15

Just want to say he is home with me now! The husband was home and DS was already there SLEEPING so he was NOT at Kidspace!!! He tried to say he changes the nappy 3 times a day everyday and I told him "I don't believe you!" also the paper i asked her to write, stated 'changed x 4' and what he'd had for lunch!!! He has only been there for 3 hours of which part of the time he was sleeping and it was not even lunchtime yet!!! LIES!! I will NOT be paying, this is blatant breach of care and I am so insulted to think they would just lie in my face like that!!!
So thank you all for your help, I'm glad I've done the right thing, just wish I'd done it sooner. I feel so so awful but I am glad he is with me now, safe and sound. Hopefully my complaint to OFSTED will prevent this happening to anyone elses LO!!

northernruth Wed 14-Sep-11 12:41:28

Not read all the replies but failure to change a nappy all day and not adhering to his allergies is a breach of contract as she is not meeting his basic care needs so I'd whip him out if possible.

Dont feel guilty, you are doing the best for him now and he won't be harmed by any of this long term (())

YellowDinosaur Wed 14-Sep-11 12:45:38

Is her husband registered as a childminder too? Because if he is not and she has left your ds in his care then that is another reason for breach of contract and another reason to report to Ofsted

booyhoo Wed 14-Sep-11 12:49:39

hi OP, so orryyou have such a terrible CMer. i agree withothers, he needs to be away from hernow. i had the same issue WRT nappies in the first nursery my ds went to. wel actually, it only happened once but he didn't go backthe next day and isre ashell didn't pay them their notice period. i found another (excellent) nursery that evening and visited the next day (i had to take a days annual leave but what is more important, your child or your course?) ad i explained tht i needed immediate care and the reason why. the new nursery were great and realy flexiblewith the short notice to start settling in etc.

deinitely spea to the nursery again ASAP andsee if they cn accomodate you.

MrsGaff Wed 14-Sep-11 12:53:21

Write her a letter saying you've removed your child immediately from her care due to breach of contract and you don't intend to pay her for any notice period.

Let her take you to small claims if she wan'ts to try her luck. She won't.

RitaMorgan Wed 14-Sep-11 13:01:28

Is she actually registered?

Is her husband registered to? How many children does she take care of?

I'd report to Ofsted on the basis of too many children (if this is the case?), leaving your ds with her husband (if he's not registered), not changing his nappy, not being a safe environment for a child with allergies, and fabricating the daily report.

Ofsted won't care about contract disputes or money though so keep it about the level of care.

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