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to not want to spend all my holiday with mil and clan

(12 Posts)
iamusuallybeingunreasonable Tue 13-Sep-11 10:11:46

Long story short, we get very little annual leave as a family, we both work full time and are out of the house from 7 til 6.30 all week, we took a week off to spend some time as a family with our dd, we understand that we are also part of a wider family, well 2 actually, but my dd is 1 and her grandmother has been to visit her once...

Now, as we are staying local to her side of the family, mil is expecting us to spend all week hanging off her coattails, as its convenient to them, had a call from her sister last night, it was obvious they had been bitching about us, because it was said how we had told mil we would like to try and get a break for ourselves too, we arrived late Saturday, saw mil Sunday, another family member yesterday, doing nothing today, seeing family Wednesday, the interferring aunt has basically said she will see us Thursday, want to see my dad too... so where does that leave us?

It's leaving me beyond annoyed and tired out, we always have to travel to them, and its always a full day of things, I can't actually do this any Longer, not with kids and their feeds, naps etc, my dh is such a push over he never says a thing, but they are not my family, so how can I retort without being rude? They go on and on, I told mil I would see her in the week, but she has to know exactlty when because she's a control freak, none of them work, so they ate hardly pushed for time, and they have shown no interest in my dd

Really, aibu to want some down time?

CMOTdibbler Tue 13-Sep-11 10:13:53

yanbu.

CailinDana Tue 13-Sep-11 10:21:58

YANBU at all. I can understand the family wanting to see you but they sound completely demanding and don't seem to be taking your wishes into account at all. You made a mistake staying near to them - in future don't mention holidays at all and just go off and do your own thing. They don't work and so are flexible so they need to accommodate you (within reason). Why is your MIL's sister calling you. If anyone from my DH's family calls I say hi, chat for a while and if anything involving arranging to meet etc comes up I say "hang on I'll get DH for you." That way he can't avoid dealing with it!

LikeACandleButNotQuite Tue 13-Sep-11 10:22:48

YANBU. Next time, holiday somewhere that's not local to any family.

pramsgalore Tue 13-Sep-11 10:23:46

sounds like my mum when we visit for a week, everything has to include her or sisters, thats why i only do it once a year, the other time off and away is on our own as a family, dp, me and dc's.
when they visit us they do what they want and most of that does not include us hmm

pramsgalore Tue 13-Sep-11 10:25:41

yanbu

fedupofnamechanging Tue 13-Sep-11 10:29:58

I would tell my Il's that we have plans as a family and would not be able to see them on X days. It's not rude to want and insist on having time to yourselves.

I would tell my husband that it is really his responsibility to handle his family, but if he wimps out and doesn't address these issues then I will and guarantee to be less tactful than he might be!

You need to decide what you want and stick to it. Don't let other people emotionally blackmail or bully you into doing what they want. Their wishes are not more important than yours.

Stand strong and next time go on holiday a long way away from them.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable Tue 13-Sep-11 10:38:46

She rang me as she didn't have her nephews number, that close huh... she rang me, as they all wrongly assume that dh does as he's told by me, when in fact he doesnt ever initiate visiting then, buying gifts etc, that's down to me

It just baffled me how they can assume so much, they never offer to help

CailinDana Tue 13-Sep-11 10:41:56

I would refuse to engage OP. I wasn't going out with DH for long when it became clear I had turned into "social secretary" - his mother would ring me arranging visits, even his best friend would ring me rather than DH! So any time MIL or anyone else rang for DH I'd ask if they had his mobile number (which I knew they did), tell them when they could call him, chat nicely and say goodbye. Got the message across fairly fast. Now the only problem is that MIL arranges things with DH and he constantly forgets to tell me! Grrr!!

clam Tue 13-Sep-11 10:46:33

Well, YANBU in wanting to spend time chilling out with just you, DH and DD. However, you are BU in not being more assertive when they ring and JUST SAYING NO! They are assuming too much because you're letting them. Just say, "sorry, no, Thursday's not good for us as we have plans." If she says "when then?" you say "I'm not sure, we'll have to get back to you but we don't want to overplan our week at this stage." And repeat as necessary.

LoveBeingAMummyAgain Tue 13-Sep-11 10:47:04

Next time arrange one day where they all come over, have an open house say and tell them you have plans for the rest of the week.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable Tue 13-Sep-11 10:50:09

She rang me as she didn't have her nephews number, that close huh... she rang me, as they all wrongly assume that dh does as he's told by me, when in fact he doesnt ever initiate visiting then, buying gifts etc, that's down to me

It just baffled me how they can assume so much, they never offer to help

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