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to go against dp?

(14 Posts)
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Tue 13-Sep-11 08:24:59

Ds started school yesterday he is only 4yrs and one month old.

Were entilted to free school meals so I ask ds would he like to try them, anyway something bothered him at lunch time and there were tears, I'd warned dp any issues and it would be pack lunch as I can vividly remember being upset at lunchtime in school.

Anyway ds told us several times he was upset and noone helped him, he also had speech delay and if he's upset hard to understand.

As I sorted clothes for today upstairs I could hear ds stressing over lunch so I shout down, do you want pack up and well try school dinners again tomorrow? (Its chips then) he calmed instantly. Dp is livid saying I'm being pfb and indging his whims.

Aibu to remove the one small thing causing ds distress. We always have pack up things in anyway!

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Tue 13-Sep-11 08:25:28


ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Tue 13-Sep-11 08:27:45

Of course YANBU. Why would your DH want your son to be stressy about something so easily sorted out?
I think I am entitled to free school meals, unfortunately the DHSS hasn't sorted my claim out. DD would probably only have them on chip day anyway.

Sookeh Tue 13-Sep-11 08:30:46


It's something so easily settled.

I find it a bit worrying that something so small has made your DH "livid" confused

aldiwhore Tue 13-Sep-11 08:33:26

I'd keep it up for a few more days, and have a word with the teachers so they're aware your son may need extra help.

I am not sure the FIRST response would be withdrawal, as I don't think it actually helps any child.... but if he's still stressed about it in a week or so, try 1/2 a term of packed lunches.

YAbothBU, and you are both being reasonable. There's a compromise situation that could work.

nickschick Tue 13-Sep-11 08:33:57

I think school dinners are very intimidating for little ones,the noise the hustle the bustle the unfamiliarity of the dining hall,the lunchtime ladies watching over you,having to use knife and forks having to drink tepid water- everyone knowing their places.

A lunchbox is a 'little bit of home' at lunchtime.

As he gets more familiar with school he might gain in confidence and want to 'try' dinners.

Anything that makes his day easier and gives you the added satisfaction of knowing hes 'enjoyed' his lunch you must do.

IgnoringTheChildren Tue 13-Sep-11 08:58:31

My DS1 is the same age, although he won't get to have lunch at school until next week due to very slow induction process! Anyway his school have made a big deal about letting them know if your child needs help with lunch and ask you to encourage your child to ask for help if they want it. You should definitely have a chat with his teacher or the lunch supervisors about it.

I don't see any problem with mix and matching school dinner and packed lunches while you DS settles in and gets his confidence. Hopefully you and you DP can discuss it calmly and reach an agreement.

CocktailQueen Tue 13-Sep-11 09:00:58

Of course YANBU! My ds started FT school last week and we are doing packed lunches as he is familiar with them, can choose what he'd like, can open them...... so I'd def go with packed till he's a bit more confident.

We had similar last week too - my ds said he cried at lunch as he couldn;t open his humzinger and there was nobody there to help angry Have a word with your teacher/lunch supervisor.

MmeLindor. Tue 13-Sep-11 09:03:19

So he is staying in school anyway, either packed lunch or school meals?

Tbh, I would be speaking with the school if they are not helping him during school dinners rather than chopping and changing.

Or leave it a bit longer till he has settled better in school then give it a go.

Do you have to tell them in advance that he is having school lunches?

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Tue 13-Sep-11 09:08:16

Well he went with pack lunch, he is extremely shy and quiet anyway and I discovered today school dinners is whole school so 4-11yr olds pack lunch is split into reception and yr1, yr2-3 and so on so hopefully that helps him.

I'm very very anxious about him and dp is loosing patience understandably. He said he got cross with me this morning as he was talking to ds and calming him and I interupted and undermined him, he didn't go off on one just gave me the look and spoke to me when the dcs were getting dressed.

Glad I'm not BU did worry I was being clucky, well I am but its justified when he comes out saying he liked school but he needed us at lunch time and continued all evening and this morning saying he cried.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Tue 13-Sep-11 09:14:25

As he's registered for free meals all we have to do each morning is pop his name in the hot or cold box. His teacher said several of the school dinners children switched as its quite intimidating. Ill give him a few weeks and leave it entirely up to him. As I said we have the stuff there and I cook every night still anyway.

Callisto Tue 13-Sep-11 09:17:51

Why is it understandable that your husband is losing patience with your son? He is only 4, very, very young to be dealing with things like this himself. You are not being pfb or clucky or any of those other disparaging terms that people like to chuck at people when their child first goes to school. It is a huge step for your son and that makes it a big deal for you.

Personally, I would be giving him packed lunches until he has settled in really well and making sure that everything in his packed lunch is easy for him to access/eat. Forcing him to do something that distresses him (ie school lunch) on top of everything else seems rather cruel to me.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Tue 13-Sep-11 09:42:38

Not loosing patience with ds, me! I was a nightmare yesterday I spend all day watching the clock, crying and repeating he'll be fine won't he?

I'm leaving him with pack lunch, I'm quite thorough with making sure he can do it all alone, some crisps in a pot not packet and he doesn't have blardy frubes as they're impossible to open! I'd rather a filthy lunchbox to clean than him being stressed asking for help.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Tue 13-Sep-11 09:45:35

Missed a whole chunk there, he has pots instead as he can open them, I'd rather run the risk of a dirty lunchbox from left over yogurt...

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