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...not to drop-off and collect a neighbour's child from school everyday?

(132 Posts)
Greythorne Mon 12-Sep-11 16:07:59

I have no idea if I am being unreasonable.

My neighbour (same street, a few doors along) has four children. Two of school age. The oldest is in Yr 1 at the local primary. The second is in Reception at the less local private school, the same school as my Dd.

This is obviously not easy....different drop offs and collections in different locations. One school is 8.25 - 4.15. The other is 9 - 4.30. There is just enough time to get from one school to the other in time, but she has two pre-schoolers, too, so it is not easy.

She was complaining about the logistics and asked me if I could help. I offered to collect her DD from thensame school as my Dd every evening and in Thursdays to take her to her ballet class even though my DD has ballet on a different night.

She accepted this offer but said she really needed help in the mornings.

Given how early school starts and that we have to leave at 8.10 and it is always a tearing hurry of book bags and coats and all the rest of it, I just don't want to have the extra pressure of an extra child to drop off in the morning. She is in a different class but needs to be delivered to the classroom door.

I have said no, but my neighbour is just not letting go. Every night when I drop off her DD, she keeps asking, saying she can lend me a car seat, telling me how complex it is for her, how her husband is away for a few days so he can't help,

I feel really pressured and really pissed off that effectively I will be collecting her Dd from her house (she can't bring her here because of the other smaller DC) and taking her to school every day AND collecting her every day AND taking her and collecting her from ballet.


BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Mon 12-Sep-11 16:10:41

YANBU!!!!! You are being good enough collecting her DD from school and esp in taking her to ballet when your DD doesnt even the end of the day the fact that mornings are hard for her is not your problem. Why do people have so many kids then get annoyed when the whole world doesnt pitch in and help!!

Dont change your mind or she will gradually start taking the piss!

SinicalSal Mon 12-Sep-11 16:11:41

No no no Greythorne, not at all.
You'll have to stick to your guns. It's to big a commoitment, surely there'll be some times when you need to run errands directly after school etc. not to mention mornings being fraught enough already.

It's her problem, not yours. You can't take it upon your own shoulders, you've offered enough.

JarethTheGoblinKing Mon 12-Sep-11 16:12:13


Tell her to piss off!

Hassled Mon 12-Sep-11 16:12:35

You've already done more than I think I would have. You're picking her child up every day, and on one day then taking her somewhere you don't need to go? That's loads - you're a good neighbour.

So no, YANBU. Just keep saying no - the mornings are too busy for you. I do feel for the woman, but a bit of foresight could have told her this would be a problem. DO you know why the DD is in a different school?

MotherOfSuburbia Mon 12-Sep-11 16:13:09

It sounds as though you are already being very generous! Many people have to pay for this kind of service. I have 4 kids who need to be at different places at different times and I understand it is difficult but she has to find a way to work it out. In an emergency I'm sure it would be alright for her to ask you to help but I think it's a bit much to do it every day. I also think it's quite rude of her to keep asking once you have said no!

mumsamilitant Mon 12-Sep-11 16:13:10

No you''re not being unreasonable. You already help her enough. Mornings are a nightmare at the best of times. Stick to your guns. She may have a lot on her plate but they are "her" kids not yours. If you give in you will only start to resent doing anything for her.

Just say a resounding sorry but no to mornings.

festi Mon 12-Sep-11 16:13:39

YANBU however I must say I would not have offered in the first place, I may have let her know I could in emergancies. Why is one child at private andthe other not, If it was a matter of choice, I would have expected her to consider the logistics of this prior, if not I would have felt a bit sorry for her but not enough to offer to help on a daily basis. But neither would I take someone up on that kind of offer without paying them.

Bloodymary Mon 12-Sep-11 16:14:01

YANBU! She chose to have 4 children close together. And presumably send 2 of them to different schools. You are already helping her out in the afternoons.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 12-Sep-11 16:14:12

Yanbu. The odd occasion to help someone out, I would do that but nothing more. Like you say it's a struggle enough to get your own out the door on time.
The only way I might be tempted to do it is if the other mother could guarantee minimal bother to me. So if you could walk out your door at your normal time to find the other kid practically by your car ready to go. But in reality the other kid would be late some days, making you late. Or you'd have to go get them. Or they'd get to yours early and be under your feet while you're getting your dc ready. I reckon it would be a right pita.

Did she not think about this before sending her kid to another school?

Gillybobs Mon 12-Sep-11 16:14:37

Of course not! What a ridiculous woman, if she has made the decision to send her kids to different schools she should have ensured she could manage the drop offs etc beforehand. Dont be a doormat, you can tell her you are available in an emergency but arent able to commit to anything regular. I know how hard it is, I HATE confrontation but this is beyond the pale. If she asks you for a reason, you really should ignore her of course, but being a woos Id say its for personal reasons. Unbelievable

LaLaLaLayla Mon 12-Sep-11 16:14:54

Why do her DC go to different schools?

TandB Mon 12-Sep-11 16:15:01

YANBU and she is rude to keep pushing it.

I would be inclined to say something along the lines of "I really thought it would be a big help to you for me to do the evening pick-ups. That's the only reason I offered to do the ballet class - you know my DD doesn't even go that night. But if it isn't really working out for you then I will obviously understand if you want to make other arrangements."

ExitPursuedByaBear Mon 12-Sep-11 16:15:08

Find the thread from a few weeks ago from PreviouslyOnLost. Learn that No is a complete sentence. You are doing more than enough.

Why are her children going to different schools? Her decision, her problem.

HairyGrotter Mon 12-Sep-11 16:16:00

YANBU, she should've thought about logistics when choosing to have more children

Fimbo Mon 12-Sep-11 16:16:15

My neighbour was like this, same scenerio, down to the 4 kids the works. Pick up and drop off every single night, then her kids spent all holidays in my house/garden too. Eventually I started to make excuses, to cut a very long story short it all came to a head and now we are only on nodding terms. Really don't do it.

Bunsouttheoven Mon 12-Sep-11 16:16:41

YANBU they are not your dc & therefore not your responsibility. Full stop.

SinicalSal Mon 12-Sep-11 16:17:15

She is rude to keep pushing it. I do feel sorry for her, but no you've offered enough.

Andrewofgg Mon 12-Sep-11 16:17:32


TheProvincialLady Mon 12-Sep-11 16:18:23

I would tell her that you are feeling pressurised and that if she can't accept your current offer re after school collecting and driving to ballet, she will have to look for someone else altogether. You owe her nothing and she is seriously taking the piss.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 12-Sep-11 16:20:30

You're doing way too much for her already imo. Taking her DD to ballet when your DD doesn't go that day - the woman is taking the piss. She could at least meet you there with her other DCs and take over so you can go home, because you're missing out on time at home with your DD that day. Have you discussed what will happen if your DD is ill and not going to school? Will you still be expected to pick hers up? Why are her kids at different schools anyway? Agree with the poster who said she shouldn't have had that many kids close together if she hadn't thought about the logistics.

CoffeeDog Mon 12-Sep-11 16:21:12

I think i may have this problem too, my neighbours dd stats the same school as mine soon. and i am just waitin for the 'can you take xxx for me this morning because...... and can you pick her up as your there anyway

I am practicing my nononononnoonononononon NO i cant sorry

KurriKurri Mon 12-Sep-11 16:21:25

She's taking the piss, no reason at all you should be running round after her children (lifts to school should be a reciprocal arrangement, and taking her to ballet?? - that's crazy)

You need to be assertive with her, and tell her its not convenient for you, you don't have to explain yourself to her.

when she asks say 'that isn't convenient for me' don't apologise, don't give reasons - she'll try to skirt round them
when she says 'oh but its so hard, my dh is away, I've got hundreds of children blah blah blah'
you say 'I appreciate that but its not convenient for me to pick up your DD'

and so on, you meet her demands with an acknowledgment that you've heard her, then repeat your stand point.

bringbacksideburns Mon 12-Sep-11 16:21:37

Definitely YANBU. Infact i'm quite amazed by the bloody cheek of the woman. Maybe remind her the rest of us have to pay per hour per child and what she is asking you to do is the work of a childminder.

Infact what i would do is print off local OFSTED childminders etc and say "I thought this may come in useful for you and your husband."

Than hopefully she'll stop pushing it.

BarmyBiscuit Mon 12-Sep-11 16:21:39

I would never do it. It's her problem and I would tell her that as well.

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