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AIBU to be cross with DH for going away?

(29 Posts)
gondolo Sun 11-Sep-11 10:23:18

I am 38+4, so really it's any time now...
My husbands has gone to see his parents and friends a full FOUR hours drive away, where he knows he only has limited mobile phone signal.
Never mind that he might miss the birth of his child, but he's left me to do all of the housework and walk the dog etc which to be honest is a bit too strenuous at the moment!
Am I justified in being a bit disappointed?
Opinions from the panel welcome!
Thanks xx

hairylights Sun 11-Sep-11 10:26:50


Did you not discuss this with him?

themildmanneredjanitor Sun 11-Sep-11 10:27:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe Sun 11-Sep-11 10:27:45

It does sound like an odd choice of timing, especially as presumably he'll be seeing his friends and family after the birth to welcome the new arrival. Is there a family event or something that he doesn't want to miss?

MiseryBusiness Sun 11-Sep-11 10:28:49

yanbu Did you explain how you felt before he left?

tethersend Sun 11-Sep-11 10:29:55

Really? That's not good. Just a visit?

Catslikehats Sun 11-Sep-11 10:34:23

Yabu re travel.

A "normal" delivery time varies from 37-42 weeks, and so it is unrealisitc to impose a travel embargo for over a month, combined with the fact that the vast majority of babies, especially first (and I am going to go out on alimb here and suggest it is your first grin ) do not arrive particularly quickly. Your DH will in all likelihood have time to miss you call, return it, get in the car, call the AA, get home, make dinner, clean the hous and probably do the Times Crossowrd before it is time to drive you to the hospital.

You know where he is going to be, presumably the parents have a land line and you know his friends.

Don't bother doing the housework though. That would just be foolish smile

Catslikehats Sun 11-Sep-11 10:36:44

Ooops there was supposed to be a suggestion in teh above that he would have time for the car to break down and then call the AA. Not sure why anyone would want to bother otherwise....

gondolo Sun 11-Sep-11 10:38:53

His parents are a bit manipulative and are quite needy. They pretty much emotionally blackmailed him into going down. I told him I wasn't too happy, but TBH he has what can be at best described as a passing interest in his soon-to-be arriving son anyway.
He was meant to be coming back this morning, but has been persuaded to stay until this evening, so he'll be back at about 10pm.
I couldn't go with him as a)no-one else to look after the dog b)I don't want to stray too far from my maternity unit c)Sleeping on an airbed at the in-laws for 3 days is not ideal at the moment.
I don't really mind him going, but I am cross that he has extended his stay for no good reason.
I guess I just feel a bit neglected.

worraliberty Sun 11-Sep-11 10:44:16

Well for a start, you don't have to do any housework...and the dog can wait til your DH gets home.

ImperialBlether Sun 11-Sep-11 10:46:27

I'm worried that he has only a passing interest in the baby. Was the baby planned? How do you think things will pan out once the baby's born?

diddl Sun 11-Sep-11 10:53:36

"They pretty much emotionally blackmailed him into going down."

Sorry, but he´s an adult-unless it was a last chance to see one of them, he could have said no.

And if he´s out & about seeing friends, it not all about being guilted into seeing his parents, is it?

Sounds more as if he´s using them as an excuse.

YANBU-he sounds selfish.

Don´t bother with the housework, but I´d try to walk the dog if possible-it´s not their fault!

Callisto Sun 11-Sep-11 10:59:46

Wow, your husband only has a 'passing interest' in your baby? Why are you having a baby with him at all?

I wouldn't have worried too much about DH going away for a few days at 38 weeks, as long as he was within fairly easy reach, and tbh a 4 hour drive isn't that far. I would be pissed off about his general selfishness and lack of interest in the baby though. The dog deserves a walk though - you're only pregnant.

viewfromawindow Sun 11-Sep-11 11:00:15

My now exH, went to New Zealand for a 3 week business trip when I was 8 months gone. He got back 7 days before my due date. I kept on working full time until 10 days before I was due but I will be honest I was really knackered. I had said he could go, knowing he would resent me deeply if I hadnt, but what really hurt was a little while later I discovered he had extended the stop over in Hong Kong by an extra day so he could go sightseeing and shopping with friends. He just didn't care if he missed the arrival of his DD.... And I just wasn't important enough to come 1st. He even presented me with a Tiffany box, knowing how much I love their jewelry, but it turned out to be a solid silver teething ring ( WTF!!). He thought it would be funny to see me being really excited and then realise it wasn't for me. My confidence was so low and my belief that my DD needed her dad was so strong I stayed but he still left 2 years later....for an ex girlfriend. Nice.
However on the upside.... I now own my own home outright (seriously screwed him over the divorce!), have career changed, new area and friends and a fantastic daughter who has been the complete joy of my life!
Hope your DH makes it up to you. If you want him close at this time he should out YOU first, whether your request is reasonable or not!

squeakytoy Sun 11-Sep-11 11:01:02

If you have a garden the dog can miss out on a walk for one day.

gondolo Sun 11-Sep-11 11:01:07

No, baby wasn't "planned" in that we weren't actively trying, but not entirely unexpected. Unfortunately, DH is a little selfish and very lazy. I take up pretty much all of the slack while working full time (we both do identical jobs). I decorated the nursery on my own, only to get grief from DH about the cost of the wallpaper. I have been solely responsible for buying / organising baby clothes / equipment etc. He doesn't want me to breastfeed so I'm likely to get little support there. I'm not sure how things are going to pan out after baby arrives, maybe he'll really step up, but I have a sneaky feeling it will be very difficult for me and life will carry on as normal for him.
It's not really the travel time that bothers me - I am aware he could likely get here if I were to go into labour now, it's the fact that he wants to go and sit on his arse doing nothing at his parents for the weekend rather than perhaps doing something to help me. I just need a good rant really.

Theas18 Sun 11-Sep-11 11:03:38

Why are you still tigetherv??

squeakytoy Sun 11-Sep-11 11:05:10

I would be telling him to stay at his parents for good. He sounds like a bloody drain on you rather than a supportive partner.

Callisto Sun 11-Sep-11 11:05:20

Oh dear. He doesn't sound like he will be much help when the baby comes then. I hope you told him to fuck off when he winged about the cost of the wallpaper too.

Have you a birthing partner/doula lined up? Have you a support network for when the baby arrives? And please don't let him put you off breast feeding if that is what you want to do. Good luck.

Callisto Sun 11-Sep-11 11:05:52

Winged? I mean whinged.

hairylights Sun 11-Sep-11 11:07:20

Yes, why are you with him?

ImperialBlether Sun 11-Sep-11 11:09:06

Why are you still together, OP? When you said you thought things would be really difficult for you and the same for him, you sounded a bit of a martyr, to be honest.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't pull his weight. It makes for resentment and acute dislike, in my experience.

viewfromawindow Sun 11-Sep-11 11:11:10

Are you sure he actually isn't my Ex?... Your description of the lack of support sounds horribly familiar! I did all the prep too.. After all I was "pregnant not ill!"

hayleysd Sun 11-Sep-11 11:12:02

Yanbu unreasonable, I was only in labour 3 hours with my first and 20 mins with second so my partner missed ds2.

PuppyMonkey Sun 11-Sep-11 11:22:10

Sounds like he'd be bogger all use even if he had not gone to his parents tbh. What on earth is the attraction to this dickhead?

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