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AIBU?

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not?

29 replies

Linnet · 10/09/2011 23:17

My dh has a friend who lives abroad. The friend, his wife and baby are coming to our country to visit soon and will be nearby but not in our town. Dh plans to go and meet up when they are here if he can (depends on exact days they are in the country and dh's work commitments etc) and has said that he will probably just go by himself.

Now aibu in thinking that if this friend and his wife and baby are coming to visit that we as a family should all go to see them and catch up? If dh goes by himself the wife and baby will not be left sitting in the hotel room twiddling their thumbs they will be with the friend chatting away with dh and included in the visiting, yet dh seems too think that I and our children should not be included.

I can't help feeling that this seems a bit unfair, would your other half do this or would you all go along as a family?

I can't decide if he's being unreasonable to want to go by himself or if I'm being unreasonable for thinking that we should all go along together.

OP posts:

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thisisyesterday · 10/09/2011 23:19

well maybe he said he'd go by himself because he thought you wouldn't want to go and that it would be a hassle?

did you say that you'd like to meet his friend? he may be just thinking of you and has got it wrong?

AgentZigzag · 10/09/2011 23:19

It does seem a bit odd for him to exclude you from their plans.

Do you know his friend very well?

And why does your DH say he doesn't want you to go?

Greenshadow · 10/09/2011 23:19

Hmm, well, do you know the friend?
If not, I can see why DH might be happier going alone. If he hasn't seen friend for years they will want to catch up, not make general chitchat.

However if you know the friend and wife well, then he is BU.

Talker2010 · 10/09/2011 23:19

I would expect to invite them to the house rather than one or more of you going to visit them

MaureenMLove · 10/09/2011 23:19

Do you know the wife?

AfternoonDelight · 10/09/2011 23:21

You said in your OP that it's your DH's friend.

So he may have just assumed that you wouldn't be that bothered about travelling to see them as a family.

Why don't you ask him why you're not going?

NickNacks · 10/09/2011 23:22

YABU not to have a better thread title which meant I had to click on it to find out.

squeakytoy · 10/09/2011 23:23

He should ask you if you want to go. I would have thought it natural that he want to introduce his family to his friends family.

worraliberty · 10/09/2011 23:25

I would have thought he'd ask you and the kids to come (unless you've got like 10 kids or something)

But maybe he's hoping to drag his mate off to the pub and wouldn't want to leave you and the wife alone if you don't know her that well?

BluddyMoFo · 10/09/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumblingRagDoll · 10/09/2011 23:29

YANBU Unless he is planning on onl seeing the husband...do you KNOW this for sure or not?

fourkids · 10/09/2011 23:33

Is he DEF seeing them all, or is he planning to see the husnad while the wife does something different?

Takitezee · 10/09/2011 23:38

Why does he want to go by himself?

Linnet · 10/09/2011 23:41

So many replies.

I do know the friend as when I met dh I met his friends,he's only lived abroad in recent years. Dh and I met the wife and baby at a function we were all at a few months ago so I have met her as well. They seem to go places together where the baby can be welcomed too so she is included, they have only recently married where they stay so she is still being introduced to friends here in our country and of course now they are introducing the baby as well.

I think dh maybe sees it as a chance to meet up with his friend, have a few drinks and catch up whereas I see it as a chance for us all to meet up and have a chat and catch up.

OP posts:

Linnet · 10/09/2011 23:42

He seems to think it would be easier to just go by himself but to be honest where they will be is really easy to get to and if we are able to all go, again depends on what days they are in the country etc, it would be a nice day out to a different town.

OP posts:

ElfinNotSoElfin · 10/09/2011 23:45

Why not just mention that you'd quite like to meet up with the friend and his wife too as you enjoyed meeting her the last time?

DandyLioness · 10/09/2011 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyLioness · 10/09/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DogsBestFriend · 10/09/2011 23:51

It seems to me that you merely know these folk but that the husband is a friend of your own DH. Personally I'd say that you are, well, not BU, but being, oh, a little out of tune with the way I view things. Your husband meets his friends... I'm sure that you do the same with yours without feeling the need to invite him to every event. Maybe he just wants a break as an independent adult, not as a husband and father? I can't see the issue, unless the general view is that spouses must be joined at the hip and cannot socialise independently.

MumblingRagDoll · 10/09/2011 23:52

Why would it be easier? Easier for him to bugger off on a jaunt without you and DC I assume?

Look....if he wants a trip alone then fair enough but you get one at a later date too....that's fair no?

Linnet · 10/09/2011 23:52

We can't invite them to the house as there are so many people that they will be meeting up with while they are here it's easier for them to be in one place and people come to them rather than them drive all over the country visiting xy and z iyswim.

Daddylioness he will be meeting this friend,lol as when we were at the function the friend said that they would be driving over in September and hopefully we could meet up. Don't know exactly when they are coming yet as we've not heard from them.

OP posts:

HipHopOpotomus · 10/09/2011 23:53

DP wld def ask us to all go - making it a family event wld be the first option. DP does meet up with friends alone of course, but when it's another family either we wld all go, or dp might take dd1 along while I skivved off with the baby.

YANBU. Why wouldn't he ask you?

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DandyLioness · 11/09/2011 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 11/09/2011 00:10

How do you know that his wife will be there? She might want to catch up with old friends and collegues, go shopping, buy british souvenirs etc It makes sense to me.

Linnet · 11/09/2011 00:37

It was discussed because the other day I said to dh have you heard from your friend about when he is coming over and how will we get there to meet them will I drive us or will we go by train and he said he was thinking of just going by himself.

Nothing is definite yet as like I said we've not heard from them about which date they will arrive and if it's midweek none of us will be able to go as we have work, so it may all come to nothing. But when he said he'd rather go himself I just thought it was a bit odd and unusual as I had assumed that would all meet up together.

Obviously if the friend was arriving alone I wouldn't mind dh meeting him alone and going out for drinks and catch up etc but since friend is bringing his new family so I thought we'd meet up as a family.

Laquitar, the wife doesn't know anyone in this country as she is not from here so she won't be catching up with anyone.

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