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AIBU?

... to get a takeaway if this happens again?

16 replies

cruelladepoppins · 10/09/2011 19:45

So. DH had taken the week off work to do some decorating.

I toddled home from work at half-five, to find there was no dinner on the go because [wait for it] the sports section of the newspaper was missing and neither of the children (ages 10 and 12) would own up to having hidden it. "There will be no dinner until someone owns up," said DH.

I don't agree with using dinner as a disciplinary tool and I had a good rant about it. He suggested I could make a start on dinner myself if I was all that bothered about it. That didn't go down too well either and he ended up making a very quick dinner which we ate late. I was this far [holds thumb and forefinger about 5mm apart] from taking the kids to eat out. Which is poor discipline/ poor solidarity but ffs it's their dinner, gaaah!

I have warned him not to do that to me again, but if he did, would I be unreasonable to take the kids out and let him stew in his own juice?

(We found the newspaper btw. The youngest had hidden it down the back of a wardrobe to disoblige his brother.)

OP posts:

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mumcanIaskaquestion · 10/09/2011 19:52

YANBU.

Cook, get a take away for you and your dc and let your dh stew.

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fourkids · 10/09/2011 19:57

oooh how difficult. But I think, on balance, you must show solidarity with DH here because DC2 hid the paper and then lied about it and apparently continued to lie? So, actually, DC2 is the naughty one here.

But DH should also show solidarity with you, in as much as you need to decide together whether witholding meals is an appropriate punishment. DH made a mistake (in as much as he did something you disapprove of) in his discipline technique, rather than deliberately doing something terrible and telling a porky.

And he didn't have your dinner on the table when you came home from work. For this you may take everone out for a meal next time, without question

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LineRunner · 10/09/2011 22:07

For using the word disoblige, you get to do whatever you like.

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TheDetective · 10/09/2011 22:11

This thread has just reminded me of the time DF and I fell out. I shut myself in the bedroom just to be away from his annoying simpering. He thought I would cave and come out when I got hungry. Instead I ordered a takeaway, and text Ds to keep a watch out and sneak it up to me. I ordered for DS too haha! DF was not impressed :D
I'd say just leave him to stew, the sports section of the paper is hardly worth being made to starve over! Bad punishment!

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WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/09/2011 22:18

Choosing to withold dinner as a punishment is daft. He gave you the option of making it yourself though which makes me think that he was just using that as an excuse not to make dinner.

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RedHelenB · 10/09/2011 22:22

So son lies & gets rewarded with a takeaway??

Personally, I'd have gone back out the door & left them to it!! (and had some yummy grub all to myself!!)

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duckdodgers · 10/09/2011 22:22

thedetective I like your style

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SouthernFriedTofu · 10/09/2011 22:25

Not feeding you after you have been at work all day becausse he couldnt find the newspaper? really? I'd have had a lovely takeaway

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BatsUpMeNightie · 10/09/2011 22:25

OP you do realise that absolutely none of this silliness is at all necessary don't you? So much angst over nothing. If anyone needs remonstrating with here it's the paper hiding DS. Truly - just ask yourself if life isn't way too short for shit like this!

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squeakytoy · 10/09/2011 22:27

I toddled home from work at half-five

he ended up making a very quick dinner which we ate late

must have been a lot of arguing going on for quite a while then...

I have warned him not to do that to me again, but if he did, would I be unreasonable to take the kids out and let him stew in his own juice?

Yes, you would be. One of your children was lying to him.. he had every right to demand some honesty from them, and it was hardly close to bedtime with everyone starving was it?

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FantasticVoyage · 10/09/2011 22:42

YABU. One of the children did wrong, and there's tens of thousands of children around the world who go without an evening meal and somehow survive until the morning.

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HowlingBitch · 10/09/2011 22:44

I understand your DH acted, Perhaps unreasonable but you do need to address your son.

I'm sure your DH had been decorating all day and as someone who has just moved into a new house and has been decorating all day for a while that it is stressful. You has just walked in and have no idea how your DC have behaved before hand.

I would speak to DH and find out what had been happening.

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WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/09/2011 22:44

Food should never be used as a punishment or a reward.

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HowlingBitch · 10/09/2011 22:45

Had*

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cat64 · 10/09/2011 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cruelladepoppins · 11/09/2011 19:39

I know, I know. Half of me was thinking "over a **ing newspaper????" and the other half was thinking ooh, solidarity.

As well as my "don't use meals as punishment" kick, I also don't hold with indiscriminate punishments that target everybody, not just the guilty party. Why should DS1 who had done nothing wrong (for a change!) be denied his dinner.

DH did admit if he had been thinking straight, he wouldn't have made the threat, because it backed him into a corner and there was nowhere to go from there.