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AIBU to feel I`ve been `had`?

(74 Posts)
Gluttondressedaslamb Sat 10-Sep-11 12:03:18

I was talking to a friend and her mother (whom I have known well for years) in a general way about shoes when her mother asked me what size I wore. I told her, to which she replied that she had bought some shoes in that size which finally turned out to be too big for her, also too big for her DD, and said `I`ll send them for you with DD`.
DD duly turned up a couple of weeks later with the shoes, a pair of plain but inoffensive-looking slingbacks, which I tried on and which seemed to fit ok. Just as a courtesy I asked the DD if her mother wanted anything for them, to which she replied `Fifty pounds please, that`s how much she paid for them`.
I was flabbergasted as I had not asked for the shoes in the first place nor had there been any mention of me buying them. I would certainly not have paid 50 pounds for them if I had seen them in a shop, and these shoes had been worn! Being a wimp who hates confrontation I paid up. Till now I don`t know if the fifty pounds was demanded by the mother or if it was the daughter who decided. Both are well-off, may I add.
To add insult to injury (or perhaps the other way round), when I wore the damned things I realised why my friend`s mother had said they were too big - the elastic on the slingback was weak and kept dropping down when I walked!
I put the shoes in a charity bag, but can`t help feeling aggrieved about the whole affair. May I also add that I have never sold anything to a friend in my life, I give my stuff away!

HairyGrotter Sat 10-Sep-11 12:05:13

Oh dear, no good berating you as you will feel bad enough already, but I wouldn't have given any money towards them and would've sent them back with the child.

HecateQueenOfWitches Sat 10-Sep-11 12:08:39

Well, I agree with you that it isn't really what you'd call generous of them grin but you had the choice to just hand them straight back and say sorry, no, I'm not happy to pay that, but you chose to pay up instead, so YABU, imo. You can't blame them for your decision to not just hand them straight back.

People can ask what they like, it's in your hands whether to cough up or not.

I think you need to work on becoming more assertive so this doesn't happen again.

It's a bugger though. £50 down the swanny. I'd be pissed off too.

Rowena8482 Sat 10-Sep-11 12:08:51

Why didn't you just say "oh, I'm sorry, I can't afford that on a treat for myself, you'll have to take them back to your mum"? if you were feeling polite, or "HOW MUCH? what a rip off, take them away" if you weren't.

TeamDamon Sat 10-Sep-11 12:09:02

Yes, it's a bit late now but why on earth did you pay up? I read your post like this shock - not at the nerve of your friend, I'm afraid, but at the way you meekly handed over the £50. In fact it was so jaw-dropping that I do think YABU to feel aggrieved now when you were such a mug!

missmogwi Sat 10-Sep-11 12:09:03

YANBU
What a piss take!
How old was the daughter? Could the £50 have gone on White lightening and fags?

worraliberty Sat 10-Sep-11 12:11:26

No way would I have paid for them

Yes, you've been had I'm afraid.

FabbyChic Sat 10-Sep-11 12:12:42

Sorry but you are mad, you should have said like them but not that much.

They see you coming. What an idiot you are.

KAZAMM Sat 10-Sep-11 12:12:47

It's not confrontational to say to the friend 'sorry but I can't afford to pay that so who don't you just take them back to your mother'.

I can't believe you just gave her the cash shock

LeBOF Sat 10-Sep-11 12:12:50

Oh dear. An assertiveness training course would be money well spent, I think.

PontyMython Sat 10-Sep-11 12:15:05

Cheeky mare! Surely they could've said in advance, not just expected you to pay - it's like they see you as a business opportunity, not as a friend. Tell her to set up an eBay account hmm

Gluttondressedaslamb Sat 10-Sep-11 12:23:01

(cowering in embarrassment) I told you I`m a wimp! I knew I`d get these kind of reactions!
missmogwi - the daughter is 36 and doesn`t smoke!

FredBare Sat 10-Sep-11 12:24:42

a fool and their money are soon parted grin

KAZAMM Sat 10-Sep-11 12:27:28

Glutton, you sound like a nice person but does this kind of thing happen often? No is not a dirty word.

missmogwi Sat 10-Sep-11 12:32:48

Oh right, they've just really had you then OP.
£50! That's got to sting. Sure you won't fall it ever again though!

missmogwi Sat 10-Sep-11 12:33:32

*fall for it.

M0naLisa Sat 10-Sep-11 12:37:48

oh god no. were they designer at that price?

Gluttondressedaslamb Sat 10-Sep-11 12:39:40

May I add that I have learned my lesson and promise not to do it again? I shall try to be more assertive in future.
In my defence, I didn`t want to create awkwardness as my DH and I occasionally socialise with my friend, her DH and her parents, and our husbands have been friends for 30 years. So they know I could afford fifty quid. But that`s not the point.
HairyGrotter - if the shoes had been brought round by a child I would have sent them back without any problem. It`s much harder to stand up to a super-confident friend who asked for the money as though it was perfectly natural. I would have felt grubby haggling about it. Maybe this has as much to do with my attitude to money as my (very real, unfortunately) lack of assertiveness?

ItsTimeToBurnThisDiscoDown Sat 10-Sep-11 12:39:50

I can't get over how cheeky that was! I'm not very good

AnnieLobeseder Sat 10-Sep-11 12:40:43

"Oh, thanks anyway, but in that case, I don't want them."

Perfectly polite and non-confontational. You have indeed been 'had', but I'm afraid it's no-one's fault but your own.

ItsTimeToBurnThisDiscoDown Sat 10-Sep-11 12:41:28

Stupid iPhone! I'm not very good in that sort of situation either, can imagine doing the same as you. Doesnt make it any less annoying though!

Kewcumber Sat 10-Sep-11 12:46:43

what veryone else said but to be fair if you have plenty of money maybe you're prepared to pay £50 to your grasping friends.

I don;t have £50 to spare so would just have laughed and given them back saying "Ooh no thanks, I don't like them that much".

Perhaps you could practice in front of a mirror tonight grin

Or be really cheeky and tell them the truth - say that the elastic is loose and they should be taken back offer to go with them to the shop... go on I dare you! It will be good assertiveness training.

notlettingthefearshow Sat 10-Sep-11 12:47:20

Oh that's so bad! Can't believe they asked for so much - you were probably so shocked you didn't have chance to think of a polite way to tell her way to go.

You will have to put it down to experience I'm afraid - how annoying!

EricNorthmansMistress Sat 10-Sep-11 12:56:11

It's ridiculous that you paid for them. She was a cheeky mare but it's mind boggling that you happily handed over £50 for something you never wanted in the first place.

Gluttondressedaslamb Sat 10-Sep-11 13:00:23

Thanks notletting the fear - it was a bit like that too, I was taken completely by surprise and don`t always think quickly enough on my feet. Plus my friend was in a hurry to go pick her DDs up from school.
Kewcumber - I didn`t say I have plenty of money, I meant that they know that I could afford to buy shoes. FYI my circumstances have changed since this incident (it was a while ago, but it still rankles!) and I would definitely have to refuse if it happened today!

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