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To think I should get an extra lie in

(91 Posts)
Sunflowergirl2011 Fri 09-Sep-11 22:13:11

hope you can help solve a silly argument between DH and me. We have a 1yr old and a 2 yr old so sleep is at a premium in our house! During the week we get up at similar times, him for work, me with the children. On weekends we always disagree about who should get a lie in. He thinks we should get one each,
I think that as I am the one who gets up in the night if the children wake up ( unless they both wake up in which case we both do), I should get both lie ns if I like! I don't mind ( much!) that often he doesn't wake up in the night when do, but I do think that the lost sleep and broken sleep should mean I get the bonus lie ins. AIBU?
PS- I have other ways to 'persuade him' iyswim , but we genuinely can't see where the other is coming from on this so would appreciate your views.

fidelma Fri 09-Sep-11 22:19:40

You should get a lie in each.

Or as happens in our house, I always get up and do the early shift but i get an afternoon nap.

Mightimama Fri 09-Sep-11 22:21:28

Yeah Id go for a lie in each, that how it goes in our house, he works Mon-Fri & im on mat leave

Zimbah Fri 09-Sep-11 22:22:53

I think it depends how often and how much you have to get up in the night. Is it every night? If so, and especially if it's several times a night, I think you should get both lie-ins, with perhaps a turn for him every few weeks. Depends as well how tiring his job is e.g. if it's something physically tiring he could probably be justified in asking for a lie-in, if it's more of a bog-standard office job not mentally exhausting then no!

How do you feel about daytime naps - maybe you could agree that you get to lie-in both days but he can have an hour or so for a nap one day as well, or vice versa? Admittedly it's not the same as a lovely lie-in though.

oneofthosedays Fri 09-Sep-11 22:23:16

Lie in each - you're both tired in different ways.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe Fri 09-Sep-11 22:23:55

YABU. Lie in each is fair.

fivegomadindorset Fri 09-Sep-11 22:23:57

What is a lie in?

Honestly one each is fair.

bereasonable Fri 09-Sep-11 22:24:03

Yes you are! Poor DH should get extra lie ins. How do you "persuade" him?

FabbyChic Fri 09-Sep-11 22:25:07

I agree you should get a lie in each. You one day him the other.

worraliberty Fri 09-Sep-11 22:27:38

Yep, a lie in each.

magicmummy1 Fri 09-Sep-11 22:28:48

One each seems fair. YABU.

SheCutOffTheirTails Fri 09-Sep-11 22:29:28

If you do all the night time waking, then sure, you should get all the daytime sleeping.

He has two choices:

1 help out at night and get on lie in a week

2 leave you to do all the night wakings and make sure you get to catch up on lost sleep on weekend mornings

seems entirely fair to me.

Of course, what would be more fair would be if he got up in the night occasionally, but I am familiar with the "I just don't wake up" excuse.

Cat98 Fri 09-Sep-11 22:29:32

We had this issue. I got up in the night - often 2 hourly - and had pretty much all the lie ins. After a while it became obvious DH was very tired. So we changed it and he had a lie in every so often, maybe 25% of weekend ones. That worked for a while.

Now, I still do the nights but DS doesn't wake as much, and we get a lie in each at weekends. However if DS wakes earlier than DH's alarm during the week (about 75% of the time) DH gets up with him until he needs to get ready for work.

This works for us.
So I would say - a fair outcome depends on how often your children wake in the night! Lots - and you should get more of the lie ins but he should still get the odd one.
Not that much - you should share them imo (but you should get the "bonus" ones - eg bank hols!)
And I totally relate to this, it may seem like a petty issue for some but enough sleep really affects how I function and my mood!

mistressploppy Fri 09-Sep-11 22:29:39

But then he would never get a lie-in! Surely you can see that isn't very fair?

Sunflowergirl2011 Fri 09-Sep-11 22:30:08

Oh no! They weren't the answers I was hoping for smile Zimbar - a rough guess would be that I'm up with one or the other children for approx 1.5 to 2 hours two nights a week on average. He does get lie ins every few weeks, but I just don't think it should be evenly split when I am up so much more in the night. like the idea of day time naps but we don't usually have time for that.
Be reasonable - I couldn't possibly say, my mother might be reading ;)

emsyj Fri 09-Sep-11 22:30:11

Hmmm, it depends how often you get up in the night. I do any night wakings (99% of the time) but DD doesn't wake up all that often - twice a month maybe - and isn't up for long. Normally at the weekend if DD wakes early I get up with her and then when DH gets up (never later than 8am, he's not a lie-in sort of person) I go back to bed until (ahem) lunchtime blush.

If DD wakes at 7am or later, DH is normally ready to get up by then anyway so he gets up and then there's a fighting chance I'll be up too by 9am ish.

When I was on mat leave I got both lie-ins but DD woke very frequently in the night until quite late on and DH slept in the spare room all by himself in a lovely king size bed and didn't ever hear a peep out of DD for a whole year. I bf for a year and during the hideous newborn days of constant feeding all night I was by myself and spent a lot of time crying all night and feeling desperate so I figure I earned my mat leave lie-ins. Had I been able to get DD to take a bottle, I could have expressed and had a break from the constant night waking and maybe then I would have taken a different approach.

Fortunately, DD slept through by the time I went back to work so now that I work 4 days we have the above system.

SheCutOffTheirTails Fri 09-Sep-11 22:31:59

"But then he would never get a lie-in!"

But the way things are, she never gets a full night's sleep.

Sunflowergirl2011 Fri 09-Sep-11 22:34:22

Cross post. Shecutofftheirtales/cat98- thank you! he says he doesn't wake up too which used to annoy me slightly but I can understand at least. cat 98, I am def someone who needs my sleep. Not a petty issue for me either!
Mistressploopy- he does sometimes, his birthday?!

emsyj Fri 09-Sep-11 22:34:39

If you are up 1.5-2 hours 2 nights a week with the children then YANBU to want both lie-ins if your DH gets a full night's undisturbed sleep every night.

Balsam Fri 09-Sep-11 22:35:39

Here's an idea. Why don't you agree to one lie-in each at the weekends provided he agrees to be the one to get up in the night if it's a Friday or Saturday (i.e he's not got work the next day).

fidelma Fri 09-Sep-11 22:36:02

can you share the nights at the weekend or are you feeding?

mistressploppy Fri 09-Sep-11 22:39:36

Ok, I concede that if you're up that much at night (sympathies, btw) then you ARE entitled to extra lie-ins, but p'raps not ALL of them. Good luck persuading him!

mistressploppy Fri 09-Sep-11 22:40:07

Oh, good idea Balsam

Grumpla Fri 09-Sep-11 22:41:08

No way! You do ALL the night shifts, you get BOTH lie-ins.

He starts doing some night shifts, you get a lie-in each. Simple.

Sunflowergirl2011 Fri 09-Sep-11 22:43:20

Can't share the nights easily as he doesn't hear them/ doesn't wake up whereas I do wake up and figure it's not worth us all being up. ( plus my girls prefer their mummy smile ). This is why I lovemumsnet, can get lots of views and ideas from people who are / have been going through the same things you are.

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