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to tell him to eff off if he comes back?

(82 Posts)
BlueKangaroo22 Fri 09-Sep-11 17:01:12

Hi, basically, earlier today, i asked dp to do some washing up so i could get in the sink to wash dd's bottles. So he goes into the kitchen, starts filling the sink and comes back and collects up the bottles dd has used this morning. I tell him to never mind that, just leave it and do the washing up, ill sort bottles. to which he replied i am only putting them by the sink, so i got up, told him no, leave it just listen for once (i know i know i havent helped matters) and slammed kitchen door shut with him in there, few moments later he came out and got shoes and socks on, and went out onto the balcony presumably to go for a smoke, whatever methinks, he can have that and go get on with the task i have asked him to do, (i really dont ask much of him, its this, empty bins and feed dd sometimes)

So hes been sat there a while, so i got really riled, opened balcony door, and told him if all he was going to do was sit out there and sulk, then ive got no time/patience for him and told him to get out. or words to that effect.

meanwhile i had a vomit/baby situation and took us both in the bedroom to change her and my clothes, and while i was doing this, he came in fetched his keys and left (fair enough, i told him to...hes just decided to walk out on his dd)

What really got me annoyed is what he took - bank card (jokes on him, no money in that account), disconnected his pc (no problem there, ive got laptop) he also took the adapter cable for the router, removing my internet access!

i know where he is, his mates,

if he comes back should i bother letting him in?

BlueKangaroo22 Fri 09-Sep-11 17:02:04

oh and i fixed internet issue cause im not as thick as he thinks lol

worraliberty Fri 09-Sep-11 17:04:32

You sound like a mad dictator...I'm not sure I'd want to come back if I were him, except to see my child obviously confused

Kayano Fri 09-Sep-11 17:06:25

This sounds like your fault tbh. Is this real?!

Your attitude stinks! If I was him I wouldn't come back!

Kayano Fri 09-Sep-11 17:07:40

And he hasn't walked out on DD , he's walked out on you if anything and using her as a weapon ad saying he has walked out on her is emotive and you should be damn ashamed of yourself

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 09-Sep-11 17:09:25

I have to say that if I was ordered around like that, it would piss me right off.

He went to do the washing up like you asked, well, told him to. He knew that you wanted to wash the bottles so he went to fetch them too - presumably to wash them as well, saving you a job. You responded by saying (yelling? barking? nicely?) "never mind that, just leave it and do the washing up..." he then tells you he's putting them by the sink and you tell him to just listen for once?

I mean, maybe there's a lot more to this, but did he really do anything to deserve that attitude?

You slam the door on him.

He is pissed off (I would be!) and decides to have a fag (to calm down after being spoken to like that?) and you lay into him again.

I can't see anything in your description that he even did! You wanted dishes washed - he went to wash them.

Is there a bigger story here, because on the OP alone - which is all anyone can go on - you were hugely unreasonable.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Fri 09-Sep-11 17:09:39

You sound mad.

BlueKangaroo22 Fri 09-Sep-11 17:10:47

im not using her as a weapon! what can i do really? im really actually quite upset but holding it back for dds sake!

i just dont know what to do, i know im at fault too

AMumInScotland Fri 09-Sep-11 17:11:03

So, while he was doing the washing up you'd told him to do, he came through to carry some more washing up (the bottles) into the kitchen to help out.

So you insulted him and slammed the door on him.

He went out on the balcony to calm down and you went out there to insult him some more.

Of course he's gone out - I would have done to.

gobbledegoop Fri 09-Sep-11 17:11:04

Maybe he was going to do the bottles AND the washing up...

Why has he got to do everything exactly the way you say? He was still doing what you asked. Sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye?

I think you need to get more sleep perhaps!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 09-Sep-11 17:12:33

you were totally at fault in this specific situation. Don't you see that? Even your description doesn't indicate he did anything to warrant your laying into him.

Milsean Fri 09-Sep-11 17:13:27

you sound like you are both 12.

AMumInScotland Fri 09-Sep-11 17:13:28

Well, when he comes back how about apologising for getting on his back and trying to understand each other instead of treating him like an idiot if he doesn't do things exactly how you want?

SarahStratton Fri 09-Sep-11 17:14:02

Poor fucker. shock

Can you not see that it's you that has BU, and he was only trying to help?

Crosshair Fri 09-Sep-11 17:17:14

shock You sound slightly unhinged. Treat him as a person you love and respect and hopefully the way he treats you.

BlueKangaroo22 Fri 09-Sep-11 17:17:42

i was peed off enough that it had been sat there for 2 days, hes lazy, its just tip of ice berg

cjbartlett Fri 09-Sep-11 17:19:48

how old are the pair of you?

sleep deprivation can drive you nutty though

Glitterknickaz Fri 09-Sep-11 17:19:50

Do you have a concept of how you come across? I'm just a bit concerned if you don't.....

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 09-Sep-11 17:19:52

And there we have it - the actual problem. If you are frustrated with something real then have it out with him in a calm and adult manner.

Ordering someone about and telling them to "listen for once" is not good. You aren't his mum. Nagging isn't communication. You need to talk. And listen. And reach agreement.

Have you both sat down and just discussed this? What happened?

SarahStratton Fri 09-Sep-11 17:20:38

So the washing up had been sitting there for 2 days? Are you allergic to washing up or something?

camdancer Fri 09-Sep-11 17:22:16

He took your router taking away internet access and yet you are posting here. confused

GypsyMoth Fri 09-Sep-11 17:22:29

Op, how old are you both?

Kayano Fri 09-Sep-11 17:22:46

But you instantly turned it round to blame him and even wrote 'he's just walked out on DD'

Bang out of order and disgusting. Your upset? So what you brought it all onyourself with your attitude

BlueKangaroo22 Fri 09-Sep-11 17:23:33

cam, i fixed it...he didnt take any modem leads, justrouter, i know im a bitch, i have to BEG him to do anything atm

Kayano Fri 09-Sep-11 17:24:14

Oh... And you say it's the tip of the iceberg, he is lazy? You bollocked him for trying to do the dishes and fetch some bottles? I think you should see a GP

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