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to be a bit annoyed at the inlaws telling my 4 year old dd what they are going to buy her for xmas? also how should i handle this

(80 Posts)
carriedababi Fri 09-Sep-11 10:31:42

so when the inlaws had dd in aug for the night, dd told them she liked her friends princess cooker, [dd already has a cooker in her playhouse],anyway so the inlaws told her they would buy her one for xmas.
this was in august and dd is only just 4.
anyway dd came home and told us this, and we just said, oh well you'll have to see what father christmas brings you, if you very good. and left it at that

anyway mil has emailed to say shes told dd she will buy her this and should she go ahead and get it, as she needs to get it soon....

i don't really mind what they get her, but it seems a bit much to tell a 4 year old in aug what they will be getting her.

it seems a bit of a waste of money as dd only likes it because its princess branded, it has bad reviews, she already has a kitchen, but i don't really care if its not that great, what bothering me is spoiling the magic for a 4 year old

we want dd to experience the magic of christmas and to think father christmas exists, esp while she is still so young, and the children tend to work out earlier and earlier that theres no such thing as father christmas.
but we wanted to do the whole carrot and mince pie thing

anyway to me it just seems to take the magic out of it, esp telling her 4 months early what they will be buying.
4 months is like 4 years to a 4 year old

so 1, aibu?
and 2 wwyd in this situation, how woul you handle it

Shutupanddrive Fri 09-Sep-11 10:35:44

Yab a bit u, she did ask you whether she should get it not just go ahead and do it
Plus doesnt father Xmas bring the presents you buy, but not all the presents from everyone else? You can still do the mince pie etc with the presents you get her surely?

worraliberty Fri 09-Sep-11 10:37:21

Sorry but I've never understood parents who make their kids believe Santa brings all the presents.

In our house, Santa brings the gifts they find in their sacks by the fireplace. They used to get all excited putting out their sacks and snacks for Santa and Rudolph...having written their letters to Santa. On Xmas morning, they'd run to their sacks to see what he'd brought them so it was very magical.

All other presents...under the tree, are labelled from the giver.

Kids need to know that other people have been kind/generous to them and that Xmas presents don't just all suddenly appear.

switchtvoffdosomelessboring Fri 09-Sep-11 10:37:21

YABU. Father Christmas is real but grandparents still buy pressies too.

She will either have forgot by christmas and be surprised or be excited about her new kitchen.

If you don't want her to have the kitchen say so now. Along the lines of ' DD already has a kitchen, why don't you get her the princess castle, argos number 343/3456'

redskyatnight Fri 09-Sep-11 10:37:24

Possibly I am missing something but what is the problem? I mean if she already has a cooker and you think getting 2 is pointless then that's one argument (which you could explain to DD - and maybe suggest something "better"), though maybe the GPs could keep 1 cooker at their house? It depends on your DD obviously but I'd say at that age my children were quite consistent in what they liked between September and December so I'm not sure she will actually change her mind.

Not sure what Father Christmas has to do with her GPs buying her a present? My DC's grandparents ask them if there's anything they especially want for Christmas (and check with me it is ok and not already being bought by someone else). Never caused a problem and they both still are very excited about Father Christmas (age 5 and 7)

carriedababi Fri 09-Sep-11 10:37:25

oh yes i have no problem with dd know whatever they get is from them, just don't think its a great idea to tell dd what they are going ot get her, esp in aug

switchtvoffdosomelessboring Fri 09-Sep-11 10:39:06

I do wonder how the kids don't ask why santa brings all this stuff and all there relatives buy them stuff. But mum and dad don't buy anything.

StrandedBear Fri 09-Sep-11 10:40:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shutupanddrive Fri 09-Sep-11 10:40:46

but we wanted to so the whole carrot and mince pie thing
why can't you do this still?

Pang Fri 09-Sep-11 10:42:59

You worried too much. Like you said "4 months is like 4 years to a 4 year old". So don't mention it and hopefully she'll forget.

The magic of Xmas won't be wrecked. There is no reason that your dd can't have presents from Father Christmas (you &DH) and from Granny, Auntie Nell etc.

My MIL really wrecked things when she said to my 6year old, "You don't still believe in Father Christmas do you?" on Xmas eve. There was lots of tears and confusion - and that was just from me confused.

slavetofilofax Fri 09-Sep-11 10:43:04

I don't see why you can't still do the carrots and mince pie thing, or how you think it spoils any magic. And I am slightly fanatical about these things.

Father Christmas brings presents, and what Granny gives is irellevant to that.

Maybe it's a bit early to tell her, but it's really not a big deal. She will get the magic and excitement from looking forward to it.

And if you don't want another kitchen, it can be kept at Grannys.

carriedababi Fri 09-Sep-11 10:43:38

we still willdo the carrot and mince pie thing.

what i was trying to get across, was i feel it spoils the magic, telling a 4 year old what you are going ot buy them in aug.

redskyatnight Fri 09-Sep-11 10:43:45

So ... you don't want them to tell DD what they are getting her (because you want it to be a surprise? - surely that's up to them ...). Or you think it's too long till Christmas and she'll get overexcited now and it's too long to wait? I think a 4 year old understands the concept of "waiting" ...

Really, really don't get what magic they are destroying?

4ForksSake Fri 09-Sep-11 10:43:51

Like Shutup says, in our house FC only brings the stuff from us (although we do also give 1 present each from mum & dad). All other presents come from the people who are giving them so they can be thanked. (never got the whole sending stuff to FC from everyone). If you do the same thing then I can't see the problem although if you say everything comes from FC then she may remember. Can't see that this would spoil the magic.

If you really don't want the kitchen (at least MIL asked), why dont you show her the reviews & remind that she's already got a kitchen & maybe give some other pointers. I'm sure your dd will see tonnes of stuff she'd like over the next couple of months. The chances dd will remember if she doesn't get the kitchen will probably be slim.

GreenMonkies Fri 09-Sep-11 10:44:23

In our house Father Christmas puts small toys etc in the stocking which is on the end of their beds. All wrapped presents under the tree are from Real People, ie Mummy, Daddy, Grandma etc..... If you let her think that Santa brings every present she gets at christmas she'll not have any sense of appreciation and gratitude, and will ask for wildly expensive stuff and not understand that she can't have it all.

So, whilst I share your concerns re the nasty plastic princess kitchen, I wouldn't worry that she will stop believing in santa because she knows what her grandparents have bought for her. I'd suggest to the grandparents that it's not a good present for all the reasons you've given here, and ask that they tell her they couldn't get one as there were none left in the shops or something.

Then buy her a nice Christmas stocking and get all excited with her about putting it on the end of her bed, and fill it with little bits once she's asleep, and then write "Love from Mummy & Daddy" on all the wrapped presents you give her so that she knows you've bought them, and that they haven't magically appeared from the North Pole.

ladyintheradiator Fri 09-Sep-11 10:44:25

I agree that telling her in August is silly - but also agree with those saying not everything should come from FC - is there really no credit given to anyone else for buying gifts? We will do a stocking from FC and then a couple of things from us, and gifts from family or friends will be from THEM IYSWIM. So YANBU for being annoyed but it doesn't interfere with any of your plans.

carriedababi Fri 09-Sep-11 10:48:16

sorry can i just say again, i'm NOT saying all presents are from father christmas.

ladyintheradiator Fri 09-Sep-11 10:49:36

Ok, then what's the carrot and reindeer stuff about?

whackamole Fri 09-Sep-11 10:50:59

Father Christmas is different to grandparents buying presents at Xmas. Don't be daft, still do the carrot and mince pie.

Ask GP to get something else if she already has a kitchen. How about a tool bench or a wendy house instead? She is 4, unlikely to kick up a massive stink about it.

Or if it is particularly the princess thing she likes, how about a dressing up set?

AMumInScotland Fri 09-Sep-11 10:51:22

I think you need to separate out the different things here -

if you don't want them to agree xmas presents with her in august, it might be worth suggesting they are a bit more vague about things like that, as she might be disappointed if its not possible, and you'd rather things were a surprise. They can still make a note of things she's mentioned, check with you, and get them for Xmas.

You can still do Father Christmas if you want to - but its much simpler not to have all the presents from Father Christmas, as family like to buy things and have the child know that granny and grandad bought them X.

worraliberty Fri 09-Sep-11 10:51:27

I don't see the problem.

It's no different to saying to a child "What would you like for Christmas?" and then saying "Ok, well we'll try to get you that".

Are you really put out over one present that your child knows she might be getting? confused

I could understand if they'd gone back and told her that they actually managed to buy it so she's definitely getting it, but they haven't have they?

Newmummytobe79 Fri 09-Sep-11 10:51:46

I understand where you're coming from and think it's a bit odd to say that to a 4 year old in August.

My MIL gets giddy and tells us what she's buying weeks/months before birthday/Christmas and tells us what her friends have bought us before she comes round with a beautifully gift wrapped item from them ... so we never get any nice surprises!

Saying that, she is great with her Grandchildren and on both sides of our family it's believed that family Father Christmas delivers all the little ones presents to each of the family members houses - (I know it's a bit far fetched but the kids love it! smile ) which are then brought round by each family member to extend the fun of opening presents on Christmas morning with parents.

The age kids stop believing is getting younger and younger so I don't blame you at all for trying to keep the magic alive for a 4 year old!

As for MIL - could you possibly ask her to tell DD that any presents she has bought will be sent to Father Christmas and she'll find out what they are in December - she'll just have to make sure she's a good girl until then to make sure she gets what she's asked for! wink - maybe it was a good move after all ... a good girl from August to December would be heaven! grin

cornsylk Fri 09-Sep-11 10:54:43

we do the carrot and mince pie (and wine) thing as well carrie smile. I hate raw carrots though. I might leave Rudolph a fruit salad this year.

worraliberty Fri 09-Sep-11 10:56:50

we do the carrot and mince pie (and wine) thing as well carrie

Lol, I read that as as well as curry and thought no wonder he's fat blush

cornsylk Fri 09-Sep-11 10:57:50


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