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to be really concerned/disgusted and want to say something..

(36 Posts)
Honeypie80 Fri 09-Sep-11 10:25:00

staying with my little brother for the past 10 months as our house gets work done has really opened my eyes to how much hes grown up, the problem is his girlfriend.

my brother is 25 heavy set, sz xl always has been but he hates it and has joined a gym, eating really healthily and is doing something about it, his girlfriend is 20 yrs old and a size 22. they see each other twice a week andf every time she stays over here she will bring a bag full of sweets,cakes,chocolate literally not joking at least 3 huge bars of galaxy,dairy milk, jelly sweets and family packs of crisps if she can fill it in an asda bag she will bring it.its kind of a joke that we know when shes coming cos the sugar levels in the house triple overnight. along with this they usually get takeout, kfc, pizza or mostly chippy meals. everything really that he avoids at all other times and sneers if he sees us with a meal from the chippy on the blue moon when we can afford it!

last night though she took the piss, myself and dp have flu, been off work since tues and in bed for most part, she turns up from being out with friends at midnight, starts singing to herself, hear bro tell her to stop and go to sleep (the walls here are paper thin which makes it worse), they then get up at half 2 and go out, i think hes taken her home, got up to get a beechams while i was awake, no they then come in with a massive mcdonalds meal for her, they had actually drove to the all night 1 which is a good 20 mins away..... i let it go but think to myself god she has a problem.

just been out to put something in the bin, he had been clearing his room out so everything in their was his apart from a bin bag i put in on tuesday, i would take a picture and post it if i could but it is brimming with chocolate wrappers, cake boxes, crisp packets, just a heart attack in a bin really, i was sooo shocked that he had helped her consume sooo much food, he has heart trouble himself so id of thought he wouldnt want to do more damage.

When hes on his own he is a saint for eating healthy its only when she turns up, its making me mad actually that hes allowing her to do it, but what do i do sit back and watch him die of a heart attack or say something, if so im not stupid i know it will cause an arguement but seriously isnt getting up at 2 to go and get a meal a bit too much?

switchtvoffdosomelessboring Fri 09-Sep-11 10:27:53

I wouldn't say anything, they are both adults, if they want to stuff themselves with junk its up to them. If you say anything you will look like the bad guy.

UsingMainlySpoons Fri 09-Sep-11 10:28:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeypie80 Fri 09-Sep-11 10:28:55

Sorry i should of added, after they got their food they then sat up all night talking, we both had no sleep feel like absolute crap with no sleep, so probably why i feel so pissed off right now! x

JustOneMoreGlass Fri 09-Sep-11 10:29:46

Well it does sound like a lot, however your DB is an adult and more than capable to say no! What she eats is her buisness really.

WoofToYouTooLady Fri 09-Sep-11 10:30:52

I think whilst you are staying with them you'll have to suck it up, because if you offend them by saying something, you could be out on your ear

aquashiv Fri 09-Sep-11 10:33:56

Dont say anything she is his girlfriend. He knows what happens if you eat too much he prob knows only too well what she is like.

dirtydishesmakemesad Fri 09-Sep-11 10:33:58

i wouldnt say anything, its your brothers choice his gf is not force feeding him.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 09-Sep-11 10:33:59

Of course you care about his health, but don't put the responsibility for these binges onto his girlfriend. Your post comes across like you blame her for this. She doesn't force open his mouth and shove big macs down his throat! He's a grown up and he's in charge of what he puts in his gob. It's nobody's responsibility but his what he eats.

Maybe you could just praise him a lot about the changes he is making to his diet and hope that he decides to stop.

His girlfriend may be frightened. Maybe she fears losing him if he loses the weight. Some people sabotage someone who is on a diet. Maybe that is what is going on here.

It's still your brother's choice and his responsibility though.

Does he ever talk to you about his weight loss or fitness? That would be a good opportunity to say how well he is doing and perhaps he could cut back the treats when X comes over, to take him to 'the next level'. Or something like that.

Kladdkaka Fri 09-Sep-11 10:34:07

You 'let it go' that 2 adults chose to go out and get McDonald's for themselves at a time of their choosing hmm

TheRhubarb Fri 09-Sep-11 10:35:57

Well it's his house and you are mere guests. 10 months is a long time to be stopping in someone's house and requires patience on both sides I think.

You need to sit down with him and share your concerns. You certainly can't tell her what to do and neither should you, but he is your little brother and therefore if you are concerned you are well within your rights to say so.

I would take that picture of his room and show it to him, it might help him to see just how much he ate. It does sound as though she is encouraging him and so it's obviously not a health relationship but you cannot and must not blame her as your brother is doing a good job of going along with it.

Do you think that during the week he is so healthy to try and prove to you that he is doing something, but that if you weren't staying with him he wouldn't be doing all that?

Share your concerns by all means but it is his life and he can eat as much as he likes and see who he likes. There is little you can do but support him in every way you can to take care of his body.

AMumInScotland Fri 09-Sep-11 10:36:35

If he eats healthily and goes to the gym when its just him, he obviously knows what he ought to do to be healthy. So what could you say to him that would help the situation? "Hi I've noticed your girlfriend is a porker and leads you astray"? It's not going to go down well.

How about just complimenting him on the healthy eating and the gym, and keeping out of the whole relationship area. Then he knows you care and have noticed he's making an effort. You can't make his girlfriend behave differently, and getting into issues with other people's relationships never turns out well.

plantsitter Fri 09-Sep-11 10:38:46

You've been staying in his house for 10 months? I guess you are paying him? If you're not, I wouldn't say anything at all. If you are, I suppose you could ask them to keep it down at night. But I wouldn't mention the food thing as I shouldn't think you'll achieve anything other than pissing them both off.

Honeypie80 Fri 09-Sep-11 10:38:54

When her drunken crying wakes me up at 2am screaming i want a maccies now, im starving - then yes i did let it go!

I have talked to him about how well hes doing, he had lost nearly a stone but has put a bit back on again now, i dont mean to blame her but i dont see any other side really he can say no when hes alone, so he does have willpower just not when shes shoving a cake under his nose. shes argued with his friends so she doesnt go out together with them, he goes and sees them alone, so this is "there" thing they do i suppose, i just find it a bit sad though they feel the need to binge the way they do.

Ive started playing tennis with him, he asked me to play as he had no-one else and i loved it too. so ive tried to encourage him in that way

SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 09-Sep-11 10:39:00

Maybe have an open ended non-accusatory conversation about how well you think he's doing with his diet, and ask him if he finds it difficult or if he needs any help with it at all? Ask him how his heart condition is faring and what the doc said at his last check up. He may then open up and start to discuss his gf's eating habits. Some people are jealous about others' weight loss and try to sabotage it (not saying she's doing this, mind you) but your DB is old enough to say no.

I think that apart from opening up a dialogue, you should stay out of it tbh. If you weren't living with him you wouldn't know any of this. Just pray your house is ready soon and move out ASAP.

tuxedoprincess Fri 09-Sep-11 10:40:08

Hmm I think I would encourage him and point out to him that eating the crap when she comes over will be setting him back a bit on his goal, see if he will open up about why he lapses with her, can he not resist or does he just want to fit in with her? if he will open up suggest that he encourage her to try some of his healthier options. failing that sit HER down and say outright that hes done well and she is not helping by bring the crap, could she not leave it at home for when shes there and try and support him more, if she loves him surely she wont want to see him get ill. tell her about his health problems and ask her for help.

Honeypie80 Fri 09-Sep-11 10:41:18

"Hi I've noticed your girlfriend is a porker and leads you astray"? is so what id like to say but know that i shouldnt! smile

CustardCake Fri 09-Sep-11 10:48:11

YABU - he is an adult and you're in his house. Both things put you in a very weak position to pass comment.
He must undoubtedly find it easier to be healthy when gf is not around but ultimately she is not forcing cakes down his throat. Part of willpower is being able to sustain it in the face of temptation (seeing other people eat what you like but not giving in). Of course it is easier when its just him and you and the junk food isn't in the house but ultimately it is his decision that leads him to eat what she brings with her. Perhaps she is trying to sabotage his efforts but he doesn't have to let her.

You sound like you are encouraging him when you can and that’s all you can do. As for the other stuff, it is his house and his gf (so his guest) so you will just have to put up with the noise unless you are paying him rent. If you are relying on his hospitality for all these months, you cannot make demands about the nose he makes (or his guests make) in his own house.

fanjobanjowanjo Fri 09-Sep-11 10:50:46

Tell her she's a fat caaaahhhh and causing issues and to feck off.

No, in all seriousness, she's probably sabotaging him as it makes her insecure if he loses weight and is healthy. It's definitely not a good situation and she is enabling him to indulge his bad habits. The ideal thing would be if he could get his girl into healthy food and exercise, but there's not much you can do.

I wouldn't say anything at all, it'd only end badly for you, just as others have said, encourage him when he's doing well.

solidgoldbrass Fri 09-Sep-11 10:51:19

It might also help if you could get over your contempt and dislike of the girlfriend and try to make friends with her.

WoofToYouTooLady Fri 09-Sep-11 10:52:59

I think you should go and find somewhere else to live

TheRhubarb Fri 09-Sep-11 10:53:42

Or, next time she comes round you and your dh could join in and eat all the food she brings to stop them eating it - can you imagine her face!

And at 2am you should start screaming for Special K, sending your dh to the all night supermarket to get you boxes of it grin

Kayano Fri 09-Sep-11 10:53:58

Maybe he is a chubby chaser?!

He did drive her to mcds when she was drunk...

Just sayin'

grin

WilsonFrickett Fri 09-Sep-11 10:57:42

Is he doing the diet on his own? Could you maybe pay for WeightWatchers, or some personal training as a thankyou for letting you stay in his house for a year - just something else to help him get and stay motivated. He may be crying out for some real support, information about nutrition, etc. If that's what he and his GF have 'always done' then it's going to be hard to change that pattern without some sort of support and back up.

Honeypie80 Fri 09-Sep-11 11:02:49

Rhubabr0 My DP has done this several times not on purpose but just been watching tv with them when the bag comes out.... he wasn't offered anything at all so just took the initiative to ask if he could have some stuff, her face was a picture, she filled up on a tub of ben and jerrys, whilst eating a tube of pringles, then asked us if she could have some shortbread biscuits he had just opened. I'd never dream of asking for food after eating all that in front of people!

Kayano I have often called him a feeder! he laughs it off.

Its hard to make friends with someone who has purposely hurt your little brother so many times (seeing other people behind his back) the whole family was hurt but they got back together and we don't like his decision but respect him as an adult its his life etc... the reason i dont like her is how she treats him (very demanding, I Want, Get me, Take me, Pick me up... this is the reason she fell out with his friends as they were looking out for him) its also hard for me to now see it when id never knew how she was before. I get its his life, its just hard to see someone you know being treated that way and not really being able to say anything but just wanting him to wake up 1 morning and realise he deserves better

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