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To think that my house purchaser is a ....

(146 Posts)
FellatioNelson Thu 08-Sep-11 22:16:42

full on mentalist?

There are so many things to tell you I need to drip feed them. First, I warned her that as it is a very old house there are bats in the attic, as there are in most old country houses. You never see them, except outside, at dusk. You never hear them. But they are there, and they are protected. She asked if she could come and stand in my loft with a torch to see if any of them swooped around her, because she couldn't cope if they did, and she was worried they might escape into the house.

Then there were the gyspies that we don't have. Our house is surrounded by privately owned (not by us) land. She started to worry that our next door neighbour who owns the land might allow gypsies onto it. hmm I said that the very reason he bought the land around his house (some from the farmer and some from the church) is to make sure that gypsies wouldn't go on it at any point in the future. Keeping some control, see? I have never seen a gypsy within ten miles of here. But still she fretted. And fretted.

And there is more......

FellatioNelson Thu 08-Sep-11 22:17:37

I know what you are thinking, You are thinking that's not particularly mentalist. You wait. I'm dripping, remember.

schobe Thu 08-Sep-11 22:18:07

Need more I'm afraid.

So far only quirky imo.

BatsUpMeNightie Thu 08-Sep-11 22:18:23

I love bats I do.


aldiwhore Thu 08-Sep-11 22:18:24

Hmmm. Nutjob. Oh the joys of buying/selling homes that I've never had to endure... at this rate I never bloody will!!!

schobe Thu 08-Sep-11 22:18:25


SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:18:39

<waits patiently>

LemonDifficult Thu 08-Sep-11 22:19:01

Well, let's be having it, then...

She does sound quite bats so far.

SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:19:05

come on get on with it

can't sit here all night

aldiwhore Thu 08-Sep-11 22:19:10

What no one thinks that wanting to stand in a bat's home to see if they flap in the daytime when they're asleep is weird???????

SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:19:52

...I only came on here to check you didn't mean meeeeeee

ColdSancerre Thu 08-Sep-11 22:20:05

Are the bats in the attic or sleeping in the gaps between the roof tiles, where they overlap? At my parents house they don't enter the attic but sleep in the roof like I said.

Anyway, more details please, I love bonkers people.

slavetofilofax Thu 08-Sep-11 22:20:08

Ok, just because I want to know what else she did.

A house is a huge purchase, she is being perfectly reasonable wanting to know about as many aspects of the house that she possibly can before she spends hunderds of thousands on it. I wouldn't want bats flying round my head either!

schobe Thu 08-Sep-11 22:20:19

tick tick

SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:22:04

'I said that the very reason he bought the land around his house (some from the farmer and some from the church) is to make sure that gypsies wouldn't go on it at any point in the future. Keeping some control, see? I have never seen a gypsy within ten miles of here.'

roffle roffle

you are Enid Blyton and I claim my 10 shilling prize

LovelyCuppa Thu 08-Sep-11 22:22:16

Come on then!

FellatioNelson Thu 08-Sep-11 22:23:09

Right, so we exchange contracts, after lots of brow soothing about bats and gypsies, and she says 'can I have a couple fo people round to measure up stuff?' 'Sure' I say. 'No problem. Who would you like to come round?'

The man to measure for blinds.

Fired Earth to supply new bathrooms.

A tree surgeon

An architect

A plumber

A surround sound/home cinema man

My house is not especially (or at all) derelict so all these things could wait.

And there's more.....

SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:23:19

hurry up

otherwise it'll be just me and you, Fellatio, and it might get a bit awkward

SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:24:01


x posts

<sits on hands for duration>

schobe Thu 08-Sep-11 22:25:14

Sounds like a chancer. Hope you said no to all those.

Merlotmonster Thu 08-Sep-11 22:25:38

she's a timewaster..guaranteed....anyone who measures up for blinds always is

Vallhala Thu 08-Sep-11 22:25:49

Bats? You have bats? That's a selling point as far as I'm concerned! grin

<<says she who had one swooping at her bonce repeatedly on a country footpath this evening>>

SpringHeeledJack Thu 08-Sep-11 22:27:26

he he he at man to measure blinds

have you heard the joke? Girl says to mum "there's a blind man at the door"

so mum gets out of bath, doesn't bother getting dressed

BM: "nice tits, missus- now where d'you want these blinds?"

PootlePosyPerkin Thu 08-Sep-11 22:28:12

....and..... grin. Someone from Waitrose to see which brand of tomato sauce bottle fits best in the kitchen cupboards?

SarahStratton Thu 08-Sep-11 22:28:21

So it's safe, the sale? Now you've exchanged contracts? Come on, what else has she done?

[needs to go to bed emoticon]

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