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To have finally said what i think?

(18 Posts)
deemented Thu 08-Sep-11 12:45:31

There have been lots of issues recently with manshapes ex, and her lack of parenting their twelve year old son.

Their son has SN and several times recently has run away, whilst completely unsupervised. She wass apparently busy shagging with her new boyfriend when these incidents occoured. The last time the first we knew about it was when the police rang us to say they had DSS and could we come and get him.

We live 30 miles or so away from DSS - his mother moved there several years ago, but manshapes visits him at least three times a week, if not more, and we have him to stay often too.

Today, manshape recieved a phone call saying that DSS had soiled himself and could someone please go to the school and pick him up - they had rung manshape as they couldn't get hold of DSS's mum. We were just about to pick DD up from nursery and explained that by the time we got there it'd probably be a good hour or so, but we'd do out best.

Manshape then rang his ex and explained that the school had phoned, and what was wrong, to which she replied 'I'm busy shopping, so you'll have to go for him' The shoping centre where she was is less than ten mins walk from DSS's school. Manshape then explained that he's be about an hour and she'd be quicker, and i could hear her in the background moaning because the school would shout at her.

I'm afraid i lost my temper and said rather loudly that she needed to get her fingers out of her arse and go and parent her child, that it was unfair of her to leave him sat in his own shit and she should be ashamed of herself. Which she heard, and took the gigantic hump. Of course, she had a right go at manshape, and he's now feeling a bit like piggy in the middle.

TBH i don't regret saying this at all - it's been a long time coming. The only thing is that now she's probably going to take it out on DSS and manshape.

So, WIBU in saying what i thought?

I would have probably done the same, so although it was probably U, I agree with you

Tee2072 Thu 08-Sep-11 13:17:41

I think there are occasions when it's okay to be U and this was one of them.

Honestly, is there no way for you to get custody? She sounds horrible.

everlong Thu 08-Sep-11 13:28:49

Yanbu she is , very much. Poor lad. Could you and manshape get full custody. I know it's probably easier said than done but his mother sounds less than useless.

deemented Thu 08-Sep-11 13:35:02

We're just waiting on PR coming through - end of the month - and then we're going to see solicitor about custody. Of course, she'll fight it every inch, but i've gone past the point of caring.

aldiwhore Thu 08-Sep-11 14:11:36

YANBU at all. She is.

Good luck in receiving custody.

betterwhenthesunshines Thu 08-Sep-11 14:25:09

Myabe it's hard looking after a son with SN if the child's father is no longer on the scene and she would appreciate a bit more help? We don't kknow the whole situation, but your description sounds slightly once sided, I'm h=guessing she may well describe it differently.

minimisschief Thu 08-Sep-11 14:28:21

he should go for custody tbh

deemented Thu 08-Sep-11 14:53:36

Oh i've no doubt she'd describe it differently, betterwhenthesunshines, and of course my description sounded one sided, it was my description.

Yes, the childs father 'Is still on the scene'. Manshape see's him as often as he can, and we had him for six of the seven weeks during the summer holidays - and manshape still paid her maintainence during that time. I appreciate she may want more help with DSS, but we do what we can as often as we can. I can't help but wonder though, if she spent a little more time with her son, and a little less time with her boyfriend, then perhaps situations like this would stop arising.

I'm not saying she shouldn't have a life - of course she should, but when she goes out at all hours of the day and night, and DSS has no idea where she is and so goes wandering looking for her, and we end up getting phone calls in the early hours to come and get him, if perhaps she doesn't have his best interest at heart?

everlong Thu 08-Sep-11 14:53:56

Good luck, I hope it goes your way.

lazarusb Thu 08-Sep-11 16:50:39

Sounds like she needs a quick lesson in giving a shit.

Shutupanddrive Thu 08-Sep-11 17:12:39

YANBU and she's probably pissed off because she knows your right

Birdsgottafly Thu 08-Sep-11 17:12:48

Are you logging your concerns with anyone? He shouldn't be left alone to the point that he goes looking for her.

You wasn't wrong to tell her to get to the school, as she was the closest. However the school should not be rude to her, she may be struggling and them having an atitude with her, won't help matters.

You need to try to come up with a plan that will improve things for him, he will soon be able to decide who to live with.

LineRunner Thu 08-Sep-11 17:17:00

Why doesn't your partner have PR?

fedupofnamechanging Thu 08-Sep-11 17:24:32

I remember your thread about buying all the school uniform, plus clothes and paying child support even though he was with you for pretty much all the holiday and then she tried to tap you for an extra £30. Hope your dp gets custody.

No decent parent could carry on shopping knowing that their child had soiled themselves and needed them.

YAmost definitelyNBU

deemented Thu 08-Sep-11 17:26:46

LineRunner - She wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate when DSS was born as they'd had a disagreement over the name.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 08-Sep-11 17:35:22

Also assuming your dss was born in 1998/9 even being on the birth certificate doesn't confer PR. We had to go to the county court (or whoever they are) to sign a PR declaration as dp and I weren't (sitll aren't) married.

The law is different now.

HairyGrotter Thu 08-Sep-11 17:38:46

You're good for holding your thoughts in for that long, I'd have slipped them out LOOOOONG time ago.

She needs a boot up the arse by all accounts, yes, no doubt it's tough, but she has support

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