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To ask them if they mind going to a different restaurant???

(99 Posts)
TwigletPig Thu 08-Sep-11 10:50:06

Dh, me and 2 young DC's have arranged to meet my dad at a well known restaurant chain today as he is going away tomorrow for 2 weeks.

Have just found out DB and his GF have arranged to meet my mum and her friend in the same restaurant. Dad refuses to do this because this would be awkward as parents divorced and don't speak.

There is another branch of this restaurant literally 3 minutes walk away, excatly the same just smaller. we would rather go to the first one as they have a space for buggies and more space for highchairs.

Called mum to ask if she wouldn't mind going to restaurant no 2, she said she had arranged to meet my brother at restaurant no 1 so that is where they are going. I called DB to ask if he mided going to restaurant no 2 and he freaked out, saying restaurant no1 was next to the shop he and his girlfriend wanted to go in then said oh fuck it we won't bother going at all and hung up....

Aibu?

GeekCool Thu 08-Sep-11 10:52:01

Ugh what a horrible situation for you. YANBU, but I think you will be the ones ending up moving restaurants.

TwigletPig Thu 08-Sep-11 10:53:47

I didn't demand at all, just asked really nicely if it would be possible.

I think it's a bit unfair as they don't have kids and have all day to wander around the town centre, it is literally 3 minutes away from the other one and actually closer to my mum's house!

DamselInDisarray Thu 08-Sep-11 10:54:11

I think the most reasonable thing to do in this situation would be to tell your parents to Grow Up.

DamselInDisarray Thu 08-Sep-11 10:55:17

Oh and go to the restaurant most convenient to you. If either of your parents complains then repeat the Grow Up advice.

TwigletPig Thu 08-Sep-11 10:55:24

I tried! I said it would really not be a big deal but my dad wasn't happy with it and my brother said no way.

JeremyVile Thu 08-Sep-11 10:56:54

Would have been good if they had been fine with changing restaurants but they aren't. Would be better if you weren't placed in this awkward position by your parents in the first place of course...

Just go to the other one, bit less space for pushchair/highchair is really not a big deal.

itisnearlysummer Thu 08-Sep-11 10:57:58

Your parents problem.

Don't move restaurants. This is your parents issue and not one for their (albeit grown up) children to resolve.

Tell your dad you want to go the the restaurant that is more convenient for you and your baby.

Just sit on different sides of the restaurant and pretend you all don't know each other.

Grr, (can you tell I've got) selfish, divorced (for 18 years) parents who are still making it a problem for their children (me and my brother) despite having moved on with their own lives (both remarried and new families).

DamselInDisarray Thu 08-Sep-11 10:58:26

Tell your dad that you will be going to restaurant 1 with your DH and the DC and that you would like him to join you there. It is his loss if he's too petty and pathetic to turn up because his ex-wife will be within 20m of him. It does you no good to pander to such complete nonsense. Same goes if your mother or brother complain.

Just refuse to accept it and absolutely never pander to it, even if it means sometimes not seeing someone. You don't need the drama in your life.

DamselInDisarray Thu 08-Sep-11 10:59:43

I have petty, bitter divorced parents too. It's a bloody nightmare and they really are pathetic.

tabulahrasa Thu 08-Sep-11 11:01:19

Choose a completely different more expensive restaurant and make your dad pay for it as a penance for being petty.

create Thu 08-Sep-11 11:01:19

So it's your dad who doesn't want to go to the same place as your mum? She's happy (or at least pretending to be) that you'll all be in the same place? Up to your dad to re-arrange ore re-schedule I'm afraid.

TwigletPig Thu 08-Sep-11 11:02:45

Tbh it's more my brother I'm annoyed at, my parents are petty and I can just about accept my dad doesn't want to be around my mum but it really wouldn't be a big deal for my brother to walk the extra 3 minutes rather than have a hissy fit as it's not next door to River Island!

itisnearlysummer Thu 08-Sep-11 11:05:12

Bit less space for the buggy/highchair is a big deal for this ridiculous reason. No reason why the OP should have to be inconvenienced because her parents are being pathetic.

ooh, this stuff winds me up, but particularly because we have this sort of shit to deal with and then some. Believe me OP, nip this in the bud now. I wish I had sad

aldiwhore Thu 08-Sep-11 11:06:51

I think that you and your dad should be the ones to change plans. Your dad has the issue with seeing them, so its easier all round for you to go elsewhere.

YANBU to expect everyone to behave like adults, although I do feel that you shouldn't have involved the party that you're not going with.

I think I'd be tempted not to try and fix things by making other arrangements but to carry on as if I didn't know there might be an issue, take my popcorn, and enjoy giving them ALL a bollocking if they misbehave.

DamselInDisarray Thu 08-Sep-11 11:07:11

Maybe it looks like a hussy fit over being close to river island but really your brother is just utterly fed up with this petty crap from your father. I wouldn't change restaurants so as to appease either of my parents; I might change if they were offering a better alternative but not to another, less convenient branch of pizza hut (or whatever) just so they could avoid each other.

Honestly, I don't even notice the other people around me in restaurants. It makes no difference who they are as I'm concentrating on the people at my table.

Rowena8482 Thu 08-Sep-11 11:07:22

Your parents must have got close enough to each other to conceive you and your brother, surely they can now be in the same room, in public, without spitting at each other/throwing food/hurling table wares/exploding... they are grownups after all hmm

DamselInDisarray Thu 08-Sep-11 11:08:54

What would your dad have done if you arrived at the restaurant and noticed that (coincidentally) your mum and brother were there? (I.e. If you hadn't discovered all this beforehand).

itisnearlysummer Thu 08-Sep-11 11:09:44

Is this your first DC though OP? What will happen if they can't be in the same room when it comes to birthday parties/celebrations, school assemblies, graduations, weddings....

All of these have been an issue for us, not to mention the small incidental stuff in between.

18 years on and still counting. DB had a bit of a moment the other week on the phone re his wedding and said he couldn't see this "shit" being over until one of them was dead. Pretty harsh, yet, but our parents have no idea how ridiculously difficult they make our lives and the stress it adds to, what should be, happy events and celebrations.

TwigletPig Thu 08-Sep-11 11:13:54

My parents are both very selfish people but have spent time together at children's birthdays etc.

They refused to speak for 10 years but can now be civil...

I think it would have been quite easy for my Mum and DB to say sure no problem at all we'll just go to the other one instead of making it into a big deal and then cancelling, I just feel like a bit of an idiot now.

itisnearlysummer Thu 08-Sep-11 11:14:20

or even just normal routine events.

That's 18 birthdays for me, plus 18 for my brother, plus 12 for my DS and 5 for my DD that they've made difficult.

And 18 Christmases.

And strangely, the problem is always theirs to express, but seemingly ours to resolve and if we don't resolve them to their exacting specifications, then we are hauled over the coals. Except, their exacting specifications aren't made clear at the start, we're expected to just know, and the goal posts often shift dramatically depending on what mood they're in that day.

FGS!

itisnearlysummer Thu 08-Sep-11 11:15:54

The thing is TwigletPig, they don't want to do that, because they also arranged to go to that restaurant. There's no reason for anyone to move restaurants. You're not expecting to sit at the same table as them.

TwigletPig Thu 08-Sep-11 11:18:19

I really wouldn't have a problem with being in the same restaurant, it's huge! My brother point blank refused to do this though when I suggested it would be fine.

HairyGrotter Thu 08-Sep-11 11:19:16

I can only reiterate what others have said, tell your parents to grow the hell up!! How embarrassing of them, as adults, that they cannot sit in the same room let alone a crowded restaurant. Shame on them

Flowerista Thu 08-Sep-11 11:19:28

Any chance restaurant 1 as 2 floors so you could ring ahead and ask to be seated up/downstairs? Aren't your DC's going to see familiar faces at the other table and want to go over?

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