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Not to have written dhs name in a birthday card for FIL

(56 Posts)
CindersInGrottyMansion Wed 07-Sep-11 18:02:23

he did not buy it
he did buy the present

he did not remember

and he is away again

so was I mean

BoastingByStealth Wed 07-Sep-11 18:04:40

Normally I'd say YANBU but he's away?

CindersInGrottyMansion Wed 07-Sep-11 18:05:21

bangs head on puter

he did not BUY the present

gives up on the day

kat2504 Wed 07-Sep-11 18:06:08

YAB A bit petty. I mean, writing a name is not a big deal is it. However, he is unreasonable not to remember his own dad's birthday.

Collision Wed 07-Sep-11 18:06:10

Your FIL will probably ring you to see if you and DH have split up!!


upahill Wed 07-Sep-11 18:06:47

Your call I guess.

In our house we help each other out and we pick up the slack that the other leaves behind.

We are a team. If you want to act as indviduals rather than a unit and help each other then I guess YANBU. If you a part of a partnership then you are.

MrsRhettButler Wed 07-Sep-11 18:06:55

away where, work or pleasure and has he mentioned his fathers bday to you at all?

CindersInGrottyMansion Wed 07-Sep-11 18:09:09

I asked if had something for his Dad he said no

I have send dd round with the gift

Im feeling ill and sorry for myself

Trifle Wed 07-Sep-11 18:09:34

I have never bought my FIL a card.
I have never bought my FIL a present.
I have never signed my name on any card to my FIL.

Why? He's not my dad.

Itsjustafleshwound Wed 07-Sep-11 18:09:40

I think YABU as it is something I really have no issue doing for my DH and we are a unit (I put my kids names in the card and my son can barely hold a pen) - but then, I could just be a put-upon muppet ....

mumeeee Wed 07-Sep-11 18:10:01


Rhiana1979 Wed 07-Sep-11 18:10:07

DH and I are a couple and both our names go on gifts/cards regardless of who paid for them.

Itsjustafleshwound Wed 07-Sep-11 18:12:29

There are only two people I can call 'mum' in the world - my mum and my Dh's mum - why give the family more reason to treat me differently

AuntieMonica Wed 07-Sep-11 18:16:23


reads to me as if you did it on purpose to spite your DH for being away when you're ill

TidyDancer Wed 07-Sep-11 18:18:04

Er, yeah, YABU. And quite mean.

I totally agree with AuntieMonica, seems very pointed.

cricketballs Wed 07-Sep-11 18:22:08

YABVVVVVU; as others have said, you and your dh are a partnership so you help each other out. We have always put both names on all cards even though it is me that goes and buys them (with our money)

Triffle - why would you not purchase your fil a birthday card? sounds very mean

CindersInGrottyMansion Wed 07-Sep-11 18:26:34

Shall ring dh

and say sorry

for being so

emsyj Wed 07-Sep-11 18:29:17

I can see why you are annoyed - my DH is a bit like this. He will usually come to me with a worried expression 2 days before a family member's birthday and say, 'it's my mum's/dad's/brother's birthday on Thursday' (or similar) and then wait for me to say, 'oh goodness, what shall I go and buy for them??' Then I go and do it, of course. I still can't remember exact dates of birthdays (despite having been with him for 8 years) so I do need to be reminded.

But the only person who will be bothered by this is your FIL. Does he deserve that? (Mine richly would - he has treated me horribly this past year and is generally not a nice person.) If he is a nice man and you normally get on with him, it is a bit mean not to put your DH's name in the card as it might upset him.

If your DH is anything like mine, he will not be remotely bothered when you tell him that you didn't sign the card.

Also, I have to have a bit of leeway for DH as I am rubbish at lots of things that he picks up the slack for - especially getting up in the morning. I get lots of lie-ins while he gets up with DD, gets her dressed, fed and takes her out. So I guess it's fair enough that I pick up the slack when it comes to gift-giving.

emsyj Wed 07-Sep-11 18:30:03


I would ring your FIL too and say sorry. He could be wondering what he has done to upset his son at this very minute!

G1nger Wed 07-Sep-11 18:31:34

I only wish my partner would remember his family birthdays. I remember my side! As it is, his side get nothing - tough! That's his problem.

upahill Wed 07-Sep-11 18:31:48

My dh always forgets birthdays outside his immediate family i.e. me and boys. I will sort that out no problem.

I always forget to pick up milk and get the bread. Dh picks that up on his way home save one of us having to go out again.
swings, roundabouts, partnership.

CindersInGrottyMansion Wed 07-Sep-11 18:32:16

Bad mood
and bad cold overtook me

I do not think FIL will be upset he will just see it as it is
that dh is away

Hullygully Wed 07-Sep-11 18:33:45


the person who will be most upset is the birthday boy

G1nger Wed 07-Sep-11 18:34:09

Cinders - your FIL will think you were being a bit of a twat. Which you know you were, already. I know the temptation though ;)

LikeACandleButNotQuite Wed 07-Sep-11 18:35:46

it is petty...and not in an "i do bloody everything and am pig sick" sort of way...just rather vindictive.

Should have either (1) not sent anything and waited for DH to sort it (2) sent it signed from all of you or (3) sent something with just the grandkids names on if you realy felt you couldn't put DHs name on - if you took this option, I would still expect dh to arrange card ect for aferwards too

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