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to join MN and post on AIBU on the same day?

(2 Posts)
TheTempest Wed 07-Sep-11 09:29:00


This may be long, dull and rambling. I will try to be concise, backstory is necessary to be able to understand why I am torn.

Backstory: I have known my DP for 10 years (from school) we have always been close and great friends, but he was in a 5 year relationship and it never seemed to develop between us after his relationship ended, as I was then in a long term relationship. I got pregnant by my long term relationship, completely accidently December 08, he left me February 09.

A quick detour here to explain what happened after the birth of my (now 2) DD. I had a very traumatic pg and birth (lasted 5 days and resulted in an EMCS). 2 days later I had a massive PPH due to damage caused at CS, Hospital couldn't stem the bleeding and to save my life they performed a hysterectomy.

My now DP and I got closer and became more than friends and we started our relationship July 09. He has always been my best friend and my soulmate and we knew very quickly it was forever with us, he took on my unborn baby as his own and we were blissfully happy for 2 years until he took on another job without telling me, started lying about where he was/who he was with etc.

We decided to have some time apart as I felt he was feeling a bit trapped, as he was only 23. He had a short term casual relationship during the time we were seperated that ended shortly before we resumed our relationship together. We still spent time together and he saw DD often and we grew closer again, sorted out our issues. We have been back together for weeks and things were going really well, we were honest about any issues.

On saturday, he received a phone call saying that his ex is pregnant with his child. I really don't know how to feel or what to do for the best. He doesn't love her or want to be with her other than sharing the care of the child and obvious emotional/financial responsibilities, and wants us to do it together as a team.

I wouldn't have any issues with accepting the baby or loving him/her like me own and when we have access the baby will be an equal and loved member of our family.

Other than the practical difficulties that we are going to face, and potential issues with the babies mother and creating that relationship, I don't know how to deal with the emotional issues this has brought to the surface following the hysterectomy and my inability to give him his own biological family.

What would you do in this situation? AIBU to feel slightly betrayed by this despite him not hurting me intentionally?

SnapesMistress Wed 07-Sep-11 11:20:12

First of all I would suggest that the baby be DNA tested since the relationship was casual.

Secondly if the baby is his it may actually be a good thing for you, e.g. your dp may feel better about the fact that you cannot gove him biological children when he already has one. Soothes an itch so to say.

I think YANBU to feel the way you do, its going to be difficult. YWBU though to show it to him or the child. Talk to him though by all means.

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