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To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

(362 Posts)
Islandlady Wed 07-Sep-11 09:12:23

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

RealityVonCrapp Wed 07-Sep-11 09:14:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyGrotter Wed 07-Sep-11 09:14:59

I wouldn't take any notice if I was your mate, or I'd sit there grinning to wind them up.

I have no judgement on WM's, SAHM's or any other parent label there is

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 07-Sep-11 09:15:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbaraWoodlouse Wed 07-Sep-11 09:15:56

Nothing to do with Working Mums IMO.

Some colleagues take the piss. Some don't.

And frankly your friend's work could do with sharpening up their holiday request procedure.

Squitten Wed 07-Sep-11 09:16:48

It's got nothing to do with working Mums - that woman is just a twat and would be whatever her job was

mistlethrush Wed 07-Sep-11 09:17:22

Yes, YABU.

Its not 'working mums' that are the problem in your story - its a poor office management system that has allowed this to happen together with one or two people who cba to work proper hours etc.

I'm a working mum - I preferred it when I was working 4 days a week over 5 days so that I didn't have a problem fitting my hours in. Now I take work home with me - I've worked from the kitchen table until midnight some nights to get work finished (to help colleagues).

This is not to do with Working Mums at all. That's just a generalisation.

EcoLady Wed 07-Sep-11 09:17:59

The WM is out of order to expect to be able to book leave from work with just one week's notice... and your friend needs to tell her that. If the comments continue, the manager needs to be informed and deal with it.

limetrees Wed 07-Sep-11 09:18:31

Probably best not to attribute her behaviour to being a working mum...

but she sounds like an utter bitch. I would be asking for her to be hauled up in front of the MD so that it could be explained to her that:

1) You book leave with work BEFORE booking a holiday - not demanding that everyone else falls into line.

2) Professional behaviour is required. Where does your friend work, that is is OK to argue in the office about personal matters and then go off and cry in the toilet about them? She should be working?!

neptunesdaughter Wed 07-Sep-11 09:19:00

Agree with Reality - nothing to do with working mums and all to do with the type of woman that your friend works with. YABU about the title, but not U about it being unfair for your friend.

I work with plenty of women (and some men) who behave like that and who are not parents, so I don't think it's got anything to do with having children and working.

pozzled Wed 07-Sep-11 09:19:23

What reality and others said.

mumatron Wed 07-Sep-11 09:19:41

The 'mum' is a selfish cow but that has naff all to do with her being a working mum.

I find parts of your post offensive tbh.

I would imagine if the 'mum' works part time she only gets paid a part time wage? If you friend is working until 8 then that's something she needs to take up with management.

I think yabu for saying working mums take the piss. Some people take the piss, being a mum as well is irrelevant.

BimboNo5 Wed 07-Sep-11 09:19:50

Ive worked with plenty of people who DONT have kids and never work a full week, always have a reason to leave early and are generally very laisez faire in their attitude to work. Me on the other hand the fact ive got kids doesnt come into my work, I do as much as the next person and dont expect allowances.

spookshowangellovesit Wed 07-Sep-11 09:21:30

got not a lot to do with working mums and a lot to do with an office that doesnt seem to have a great discipline or holiday system. you had to book a holiday in advance were i worked not just wonder in when you liked and said i am going then.
its the wm's job to have appropriate child care in place, i mean a day here or there can be understandable over the year but more than one over the summer holidays should have an employer going hmm.
the employer needs to sort its self out.

baguettecut Wed 07-Sep-11 09:23:19

If the other woman hasn't booked Disney then surely she has to back down here? Forget the old 'Working Mum' rubbish, this is black & white. There is no holiday left that week, she really has to suck that up.

Mitmoo Wed 07-Sep-11 09:24:01

Boss is in the wrong, there should have a holiday policy, first in the holiday book with holiday formed signed off by the manager gets the holiday. Christmas popular holidays rotated between the staff.

The Mum shouldnt be in a position to book holidays until her holiday is authorised by her manager.

Bad management.

ChablisLover Wed 07-Sep-11 09:24:54

The mum is really taking the piss. She must of known your mate had her hols booked in advance yet went ahead and booked this holiday.

She thinks she is entitled and that everyone will fall in with her plans. She seems spoilt.

The wm needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Not everyone dances to get tune.

I am a wm and feel v guilty the days I am in late etc etc when dh is away or ds is ill.

solidgoldbrass Wed 07-Sep-11 09:25:42

Yet another endorsement of the idea that the problem here is sloppy (misogynist) management and the Disneyland woman being a selfish drama queen - nothing to do with 'working mums'.
You'll note the use of the word 'misogynist'. THe management clearly think that women are silly children working for pin money or they wouldn't let this sort of situation happen - 'if you argue about it neither of you can go' - FFS this is what you say to toddlers.

Islandlady Wed 07-Sep-11 09:26:06

I understand where you are coming from mislethrush but the lady who wanted the holiday is using her status as a single working mum to try and use emotional blackmail to get her own way and is using the fact that her child will be denied a holiday if she cant take the time off then I have to say in this case being a WM is not a generlisation but the whole crux of the matter

Islandlady Wed 07-Sep-11 09:29:07

And no Mumatron both Mums are paid to do full time work the fact is they dont but my Mate covers for them she doesnt mind as she RESPECTS the fact that they sometimes have problems

I did actually say that in my original post

RubyrooUK Wed 07-Sep-11 09:29:22

Yes, you are being unreasonable to suggest that one person or even a few people give all other working mums a bad name and stops employers taking them on. You can't base your feelings about an entire gender working in offices based on that.

I do not think YABU to think that this person's boss should have sorted this out more effectively. Or that the mum in question might be unreasonable (although given that we don't know anything about her and how long she might actually have planned that holiday etc or what else is going on in her life - she might just be having a tricky time). Your mate's boss should talk to everyone and deal with this situation - it sounds ridiculous.

In my own experience working with both mums and non-mums - and being both myself at different times - it is more about people and their individual personalities than whether they are working mums or not. If someone is a really hard worker, they are still like that whether they have a baby or not. If they always took the mick, they probably still do.

I used to work really late sometimes when others couldn't because they were with their kids. But I did benefit career wise from this so it wasn't all bad. When you mention working mums not working "full hours", they probably aren't paid to work full-time, so why should they? Although it's worth pointing out that I work full-time and skip all lunches etc to work extra time so I can leave at the end of normal office hours. All my colleagues still talk about what a hard worker I am, which is nice.

So is your friend unreasonable to feel like they are being picked on? No. But the manager should sort it out in my opinion. This has nothing to do with working mums - just a very stressful situation at work.

baguettecut Wed 07-Sep-11 09:29:25

I actually can't get my head around ANYONE expecting someone whose holiday is booked with work and paid for, to cancel the whole thing in their favour. 'Entitled' doesn't even cut it here.

"You know how you're going on holiday next month, well, me tooo! Cancel yours, there's a love" EH???

itisnearlysummer Wed 07-Sep-11 09:30:03

I agree that the 'mum' part of your post is offensive. It's that whole, some mums..., some bus drivers..., some white people..., some muslims..., some shopkeepers..., some teachers..., some benefit claimants... - ie some people!

IMO, there should never have been a discussion about it. Your friend's holiday plans were put on the planner. Her colleague should have checked the planner before booking/planning her holiday. And the boss should have said this, it's flipping obvious!

Your friend should just ignore the comments.

aquashiv Wed 07-Sep-11 09:30:59

Oh please, this has nothing to do with her being a working Mum. The boss needs to do his job manage the situation and not let this situation escualate.
Your friend needs to have a meeting with him and tell him how she feels about dong all the extra work wiht no time off or look for another job.

fivegomadindorset Wed 07-Sep-11 09:32:16

Bad management, and a huge sense if entitlement from the WM.

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