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My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder

(202 Posts)
whatever17 Tue 06-Sep-11 21:42:17

She has always been difficult. She is 51 now, I am 42. My parents are nearly 80 and want nothing to do with her. I learned that she was sleeping rough and came to her aid.

I am really scared of her (emotionally) and she has already stormed out once. But I couldn't stand the thought of her living under a bridge.

Really secretly cross with my parents for turning her away. But she vehemently hates them.

I am quite scared of her - but I do want to help her.

bonnieslilsister Tue 06-Sep-11 21:44:19

What do you think you could do? Are you planning to help her get somewhere to live or bring her to live with you?

inextremiss Tue 06-Sep-11 21:45:46

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

carabos Tue 06-Sep-11 21:46:30

Has she been properly diagnosed and is she under psychiatric supervision? Can you get professional help and support for both of you.This sort of thing is very difficult to deal with alone and your elderly parents can't really be expected to cope.

Sookeh Tue 06-Sep-11 21:46:35


FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 21:46:47

Im 46 and was diagnosed last year, not everybody suffers the same way some are high functioning some low.

The BPD would have been caused by something that happened during her early childhood and more likely the cause will be the parenting style your parents took.

Schema therapy is a good place to start it lasts a year and is very intensive, however on the NHS there is an 8 month waiting list.

Sookeh Tue 06-Sep-11 21:47:46

Oops, not directed at you OP I hasten to add.

FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 21:47:52

Fuck off is it fictional, live my life and be me for a while. What a disgusting response.

It is also called emotional instability disorders there are recognised pointers and you have to meet 7 of the criteria to be diagnosed.

I meet all 10.

whatever17 Tue 06-Sep-11 21:50:49

Fabby - she is 9 years older than me and she was really ugly, terrible acne, as a kid. Whilst I was a sweet and pretty kid. Our middle sister is ferociously competitive and whilst I got away with being sweet and pretty my eldest sister was ugly and awkward.

FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 21:50:54

Next it be said ASD, Aspergers etc., is fictional.

Some people really are stupid.

BrawToken Tue 06-Sep-11 21:50:57

somehow you posted this twice, here is my other response

My long term DP has a borderline sister and she has made her family's (and mine to a lesser degree) lives hell from time to time. She seems to be getting better and her folks get all excited and think they have her 'back' and then she goes down again. So hard. I really feel for you.

Don't know if your sister does this, but she has fabricated some awful lies about dp's whole family and, although she shows remorse and builds bridges when 'well', when she is down again she reverts to the 'other' side of her personality.

If I was you, I would offer arms length support - you need to protect yourself (and your own family if you have one) as her behaviour could take any turn. And I would not blame your parents - they have been through hell with her already, I imagine.

I don't say this lightly and have offered much support in our situation, but also work in this type of field and have a family member who is very clued up on PD professionally.

Please, any BPD people reading this, don't take offence. I just know how often our family relations have been hanging by a thread and indulging someone who exhibits these behaviours is a bit like feeding a fire.

There is good evidence that talking therapies such as Analytical Behavioural Theray and CBT can give good results. This depends on willingness to engage, of course.

Good luck and I have my fingers crossed for you whateverxx

Sookeh Tue 06-Sep-11 21:51:25

You're not a <whispers> scientologist by any chance inextremiss?

Have my first biscuit

FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 21:51:44

Hey she sounds like she didn't have a good childhood, that would make sense.

whatever17 Tue 06-Sep-11 21:52:01

FabC - what I meant to say was that we had different upbringings despite being sisters.

BrawToken Tue 06-Sep-11 21:53:56

Ah, you posted in mental health too smile Sorry about your diagnosis Fabby. You sound like you are doing well?

FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 21:54:30

Im high functioning BPD, from what I can see on here already there are two who are low functioning.

My problems arise in relationships, I'm also real paranoid.

I take Respiradone though and since taking that I'm stable and my moods no longer swing like the wind.

FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 21:56:00

Braw, I keep myself to myself for me the diagnosis came as a godsend because it gave a name to what was wrong.

I started therapy but got a job at the same time, so gave up the therapy.

It's like anything really give yourself ten seconds to respond to something and you respond differently than if you were to respond in a split second. Thinking has a lot to answer for.

Still not got any empathy though! pah!

BrawToken Tue 06-Sep-11 21:59:57

Intersting about respiradone - shall ask mil if sil has been offered it. She is often suicidal and has extremely 'up', sociable periods, then very reclusive periods. I wonder if this would help...? She is under a consultant psych as far as I know (unless she had stopped going). We've not seen or heard from her for a while.

whatever17 Tue 06-Sep-11 22:00:40

brawtoken - you are completely right.

She can be a real danger to anyone around her.

ATM she loves me.

But I am very scared of her for me and my kids. I feel very sorry for her and would like to help her.

And to be a sister to her.

I said to her "if you send a mean text, I will ignore it" I meant this nicely but she is so suspicious and ready for rejection that she said "I will ignore yours too". I said "Okey-doke"

To me she seems unintelligent and quite challenged.

BrawToken Tue 06-Sep-11 22:00:48

Good you have a job fabby. Do you still have it?

whatever17 Tue 06-Sep-11 22:01:51

she is on 100mg sertraline

inextremiss Tue 06-Sep-11 22:02:44

Where does Scientology come into it? Scientology is even worse.

whatever17 Tue 06-Sep-11 22:05:08

what is Respiradone - is it an SSRI?

BrawToken Tue 06-Sep-11 22:05:51

Horrible for you whatever. That's the approach I took as well as 'I know what your diagnosis is and I will take it into consideration, but if you push it too far, I will sever all ties'. Then I did. I have kids, what else can you do? She built bridges, but was let back into my family on my terms despite MIL wanting me to let her babysit etc... Sooooooooooo hard and I am the bitch, but I risk assess for a job and won't take risks with my kids.

ViviPru Tue 06-Sep-11 22:05:54

Braw Fabby I know I could google, but it strikes me as more valuable to ask 'in person' (as it were) those with experience. Would you mind briefly outlining the key characteristics of BPD please? NO subtext - just genuinely curious

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